I’ve been reading this forum for quite a while. I’ve not yet come across a solution to my issues with my MIL
I do not like her, at all. Not even a little bit. She is a sneaky, nasty woman who has the most disgusting hygiene habits; even when she was younger, I very rarely went over to her home. It was dirty. Would NEVER eat a meal there as she’d let her cats on the countertop AS she was cooking. She was like that her entire life. We had a tumultuous relationship and haven’t spoken to each other for 6 years b/c of a stupid argument….& I was OK with that arrangement. Told my husband 3 years ago when we brought her to live with us, cause she couldn’t live alone…...I am in this for the money. (I know, I’m a terrible person). She was diagnosed w/dementia. Over the past 3 years it has gotten worse with the conversation loops, forgetting who I was, needs a walker to get around, but cannot do any meal prep, shopping, driving, etc.
I do most of the work: setting up daycare & transportation to daycare, which gives me sanity, got her onto Medicaid, do her meds (over 20 pills per day). All her meals & snacks. Got approval for a lousy 7 hrs per week w/an aide. I clean her room as she is incontenint. I am doing the duties and take care of her, but it’s not out of any type of love for her. As I said, I’m doing this for the money. She’s been here for over 3 years. Since then, my husband and I have retired We both get a SS check along with my MIL’s SS check. The thing is: we don’t NEED her money any more.
We had to buy a larger home BECAUSE of her. This larger home’s mortgage was able to be paid with her & hubby’s SS check and my full time job. Now I’m retired & get a SS check also. We can’t put her into any type of ALF or MC because they would want to go thru our finances. Even though we BOUGHT the larger home BECAUSE she had to live with us, that fact wouldn’t matter and they want us to self pay.
Side note: my MIL gets a lousy $900/month, so it’s not a lot of money
My husband helps me with her throughout the day, everything except bathing/toileting.
His relationship with her is: precarious. He loves her simply b/c she’s his mom, not because she is a good person. He 100% supports me and wants her out also.
I knew going into this my eyes were wide open. What I wasn’t prepared for was us not needing her $ any longer.
i’m really not a horrible woman. I have done everything I could for her, just not with love: I looked at it as if it was at a job. Well I now want to retire from this job!
As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been reading this forum and never came across anyone that was going thru what I am now.
I’m prepared for the negative responses to my post; hopefully I’ll get some good advice on what to do next.
900.00 monthly for room and board, transportation to appointments is not the least bit unreasonable.
Medicaid has no right to look at anyone's finances but MILs. Yours doesn't count.
First, we all need a course in Medicaid rules before we take a parent in. Just a few questions.
Was Moms SS going to a separate account? Was her SS used for her needs and then u took a certain amount out for the mortgage payment? Did you have anything in writing that she would contribute to the home this way?
My Moms bank statement showed everything. Checks were written for all her bills and taxes. If I needed to pay out if pocket, I kept the receipts and monthly would write myself a check. The receipts would be put in an envelope, the ck# and month put on the outside. Medicaid saw the money coming in and going out. I pay I fee for copies of checks be included so Medicaid saw what each check was made out for.
So, if you didn't co-mingle your money thats good. If u did, that may be a problem.
If no agreement that Mom pays towards the mortgage, this may cause a penalty with Medicaid. Lets say u have used $500 a month towards the mortgage. Thats 6k a year, 18k over 3 yrs. You can either pay the penalty period and get her into a NH or care for her till the penalty is met then get her in a NH. (Not really sure how this really works)
You may need an elder lawyer versed in Medicaid to help you. You maybe able to use her money for this.