I detest these financial battles after someone has passed. But it did put me in shock, being her primary caregiver for ten years. I lived with her, got her through emergencies, kept her quality of life as high as possible. She felt special until the day she died. I have MS which made some things difficult, but it always was right thing to do. My sister saw her one or twice a year, out of obligation. How should I approach this?
You say that this was a surprise for you - you and your mother never talked about what would happen to you after she passed away? How old was the will?
Even though you lived with your
mother - are you perhaps in a better financial situation than your sister?
As I said - this is messed up but could your mother have been thinking that she “did” for you by “allowing” you to live there for ten years - perhaps rent free - all
that time? Don’t get me wrong - this definitely isn’t my opinion - but I’ve read about situations such as that more than once, here on AC... The elderly parent seems to think that they are doing them a huge favor - by allowing the caregiving child to live in their house “rent free”. Regardless of the fact - that same child is their full time caregiver AND the only reason that the parent is able to remain living in their home. Messed up. Long time members here may remember JessieBell and how that was her mothers mind set. Whatever became of JessieBell, BTW?
Anyhoo - as others have mentioned, is it possible your mother was trying to put lipstick on a past riff with you sister?
Were you left anything or provided for in a prior action by your mother? Did she pay you anything for your caregiving sacrifices?
Just stabbing in the dark here. But it’s definitely messed up.
How do you handle it? I think a lot depends on your own needs now. What is your sisters take on all of this - is she willing to split the house? Can you afford to move out and live elsewhere on your own? Are you married - was there a husband living there with you? Can you afford an attorney to challenge the will? Is that even a winnable option?
Messed up. I’m sorry that this has happened to you - a bit of a slap in the face to thank you for taking care of your mother, isn’t it?
Hopefully, you can take a small measure of comfort in knowing that in spite of this nasty little surprise- that you were the better person. Better than your mother and better than your sister, in my opinion.
Many states allow a family member who moved in to provide elder care for at least two years to get the house regardless of any will. You need to see a lawyer ASAP.
As to what your mother may have been thinking... Do you have children? Was your mother somewhat estranged from your sister? I know of a couple of cases where one child was left out because they didn't have any children and the elder wanted property eventually passed down to grandchildren. In another instance, the parent felt guilty over a pass action with a child and left them more to relieve their guilt. Sometimes the caregiver becomes the focus of an elder's anger about declining health and aging, unfairly becoming the "cause" of their problems (at least in their minds) instead of the person getting them through it. In my state, the will isn't valid unless it mentions all potential heirs (spouses, children and even grandchildren (children of a child that died).
Leaving aside your unequal contributions to your mother's care, it is anyway unusual for one child to be excluded from a will that bequeaths an entire estate to the other.
Have you seen your mother's will?