Mother's Day. Any suggestions?
I know many of you give care in your home and some of us have parents in facilities.
Before my parent's moved into AL near me I did the holidays with them. As they aged we had to drive to pick them up and bring them to us.
the last four years every holiday including Birthdays has been our responsibility.
i have a sister who does pitch in when I need her but no holidays. I am thankful for her. the other sister who is retired never shows up. She comes every few months and pays a two hour visit
i would really love a Mothers Day to myself but no one is going to give up their special day.
i do Brunch so I can salvage part of the day for me. I have six grandkids in the area and love to spend time with them but of course I have to work my schedule around doing brunch.
is it wrong to be pissed at the one sister who has a grown daughter, is retired and has never given up one holiday to let me have one all to my self?
just venting. I am tired and exhausted. Dad has passed but this is hard because Mom is bed ridden so I am spending lots of time with her over the last few years.
What do you need to do to make all or part of your Mother’s Day YOURS? You’ll have to think of some tweaks to what you’ve done in the past, but if you NEED a holiday you have the absolute right to have it.
Simplify or cancel brunch, do two short visits to the AL instead of one longer one, plan a picnic or barbecue, and I bet you can think of some others that will allow you to find time that for you and those grands.
And really, Mother’s Day should be any day you can spend with your grands, so could another day, maybe the Sunday after, become “grandmaofeight’s SUPER SPECIAL DAY? Or anything that could be fun for you AND THEM?
YOU DESERVE THIS. Vent all you want, then make a plan!
Your Mother, you are a Mother, your daughters or DIL's now Mothers too?
I think spread the love out.
Like with birthdays where you can have 'your day' on your actualy day, or on another day if it is more convenient.
Arrange what special time or meal you see your Mom, what special time/meal you see your children, also what time they carve out for their own immediate family. Doesn't have to all be squeezed into one day does it?
Personally, in past years I also have thought what about my own Mother's Day? But this year I plan to have a dinner out on a Thursday or something different instead. Not going to be told when to celebrate by some card manufacturing company.
Anyone who is a caregiver for their adult parents is a hero! I always remind the children of my clients that they didn't come with an instruction book when they were born and their parents didn't write one to cover their old age. Taking care of your parents is like trying to build an airplane while it's already in the air - or having to take the test without reading the study guide...
Mother's Day should be (and can be) celebrated 365 days a year. Just because the greeting card company says it's one Sunday doesn't mean you can't have a Mother's Day with your mom, a Grandma's Day with the grandkids, and a "Me Day" at the spa...
You don't need to wait until May to honor your mother. Bring her flowers, buy her a gift, give her a hug just "because it's Tuesday". Acknowledge her and thank her for the profound privilege it has been to be her child. Reminisce with her and let her know she "got her job done"! That's the greatest compliment you could give a parent and what they are waiting to hear!
I promise if you begin to do that, your job as a caregiver will get 10 times more meaningful and fulfilling, and 10 times easier!!!
As for your sister, she's not going to change. The easiest way to handle her is simply to say, in a straight and matter-of-fact way, "I'm doing "X". I need you to do "Y", then shut up and listen.
If she says no, ask her to send you a check to cover the cost of hiring someone to do "Y". Don't bring any drama, upset, or judgment to the conversation. If she says no, just keep asking until she says yes or starts writing checks...
You can ask your sisters to step up this Mother's Day too - sometimes we complain but do not ask specifically for the favor we want. It's worth a try.
Also, see if your sisters will divvy up the holidays so the burden doesn't fall on you. Some people won't offer to help, either because they're dense or just trying to skate by, but will if they're told that there needs to be more buy-in.
If they can't do the holidays, then there's no rule that says it has to be you for every single one-pick the ones you want to do with your mom and do something for yourself on the other ones.
All this is to say, why does it have to be THIS day? Can you see your mom on Saturday and do something with your grandchildren on Sunday, or vice versa? I understand the stress and bother of always having to make these days special for everyone, I guess I've always chalked that up to being a woman with a family. But do take the time to do what brings you joy! Happy Mother's Day to you.
You need to celebrate mothers day with your mom the day before or the weekend before. Take a picnic basket brunch to her and have a little party with just the two of you. Then on mothers day, have your own day. When the family (your sister) contacts you to say "hey what is the plan for mom on mothers day?" just tell her you have already celebrated with her, so whatever she chooses to do with her is her business.