Alone for 20 to 30 minutes while she went to pick up food for my mom. Granted, my mom told her to go, however, my mom is bedbound in a diaper and cannot stop anyone from doing anything. The caretaker said what was I supposed to do? And I said, I signed her up for DoorDash left credit cards for everyone in the restaurant that you just ordered from and left my mom alone after our agreement that that was the biggest safety concern and the reason why Is m hiring you and paying you so much money, was on the list and could’ve delivered in 30 minutes. She has done other things that I do not trust. My mother finally trusting her and I don’t want to do anything that my mom is uncomfortable with. This caretaker is leaving for a month to go back to the Philippines in December. Should I just wait and replace her that time? Or if I don’t trust her from some of these little and big things do I give her two weeks and find someone new?
Since you don't know what my caregiving position was like, you really can't speculate.
The out of town family did not leave me access to a credit card so there couldn't be any ordering and delivery going on. I certainly wasn't going to use my credit card for client supplies and groceries. I know better. Every person who's ever worked doing in-home care has had to chase their pay down at one time or another, even when they're agency hired.
Also, good luck finding a reputable agency. I've worked for many years as agency help and for the top nation-wide chains. They offer the in-home caregiver no support or training. That's why I went private care only. The pay was whatever price I named and I was used to no agency support or supervision.
This the reality of caregiving work. If you've found a good one hold onto them and don't knit-pick because it usually doesn't end well for the clients.
So many think that just changing caregivers will fix the problem, it won't unless the family sees for themselves by doing hands-on caregiving for at least a couple of weeks to understand how it is for the caregiver.
When my Dad had caregivers, I did all the shopping. If there was an urgent need for an item, I would pick it up during my lunch break or after work. I was an excellent organizer but there were times when unexpected things would crop up.
The most important thing, is how your Mother likes the caregiver. When my Dad needed around the clock watch, the Agency sent our a different person each day for each shift. That way my Dad could pick the persons he felt the most comfortable with and who understood his love of puns jokes :) It was a win-win situation. Each shift was 8 hours, that way no one got burnt out.
I remember when my boss' wife caregiver gave notice, it was almost impossible to replace her as his wife [who had dementia] refused to accept anyone new. His only choice was to take leave from work and do the caregiving until his wife finally accepted someone new. I could tell it took a toll on him.
A caregiving situation like what you had for your parents is pretty much non-existent. It sounds ideal and you are probably the only family that ever did this. I never knew one in 25 years of service who ever hired that much help. The idea of a relief caregiver when needs arise is a great idea.
How did you pay her? What were her hours.
If the relief caregiver had to be there whenever she was needed, then that person was pretty much on-call 24/7. How could they work another job if they could be called at any time?
Prayers for you and yours
Fire her now and get someone else.
You do not owe her a notice and I would trust someone even less after I gave them notice and they had two weeks to stew over the firing.
If a basic tenant of the agreement that you entered into with this caregiver is that she would not ever leave the home; then you should let her go and tell her why.
Your mom may not like you for it; but she will trust someone else after a bit too.
Point of note: Even licensed agencies will fire on the spot. We had a caregiver hired through an agency for my MIL/FIL and when my MIL told us she gave April a check for 'school'; we immediately told the agency and they called her in and fired her on the spot. She was not allowed to accept a 'gift' from a patient and knew that and they didn't hesitate to fire her and replace her with someone else immediately.
Go through a reputable agency and you should have less problems.
TRUST your gut.
OP, you have a bad feeling about the caregiver. she's done several bad things. you don't trust her.
it doesn't matter at all what those things are. YOU don't trust her, and you have your reasons.
normally, it's just the tip of the iceberg: it means more bad things are going on, and more bad things will appear in the future.
i now have quite a lot of experience with hiring home aides. where i live, it's very hard to find trustworthy aides. many people are actually thieves, who pretend to be caregivers (also in the agencies). we've had good and bad aides.
the thing is:
finding someone else isn't easy either. and you have no way of knowing if the next person is more trustworthy.
still: i repeat, trust your gut.
If she still has that mental capacity she can be left alone for short periods of time.
My last caregiver position was as the first-shift for a an elderly bedbound woman who had 24-hour care. When she's be napping which was often that is when I would go to the store because it was also my job to keep the place supplied. All of her products (diapers, wipes, creams, medications, pads, etc...), the groceries, the cleaning products. I also did all the housekeeping. I usually went out a few times a week so I'd never be gone more than a half hour or so.
Then nursing came on the scene (we were all privately hired). She didn't need it, but when there's an old person with money and top insurance, the sharks smell blood in the water and they show up. They carried on about the 20 minutes I was gone getting diapers. We needed diapers. Not in two days when the order they'd place would arrive but that day because she was in her last one. Nursing's answer was to just ler her crap and piss the bed until the diapers got delivered. Or go to the store on my off time. Not one was willing to go to the store for her or the pharmacy on their off time or work time. Not one of the several nurses and social workers was willing to do this, or to even wait there for 20 minutes while I went.
Caregivers who are alone in a situation have to make decisions. Like going to the store in a low-risk situation versus the client being out of diapers or meds or food. I always went to the store the hour before my shift ended. So even if I got killed in a car accident or struck by lightening, the 2nd shift worker is coming so the client is only ever alone for 20 - 30 minutes.
How long has she been with your mom?
Don't knit-pick the caregiver if your mother likes her and she keeps up on the work. If chastizing her about picking up the food is going to make your mother uncomfortable don't do it. You're not the one receiving care. Your mother is, and if that care is good leave it alone.
I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years. I've been with many families who's answer to everything was replace the caregiver over and over again. They were never satisfied. You won't be either. Families often make the mistake in thinking that the one caregiver in the house is supposed to do the jobs of a full staff. That doesn't happen and you may just end up with a revolving door of caregivers which is a real headache.
Is your mom competent? Can she make decisions herself or is she cognitively unable to make decisions?
In an emergency could she have called for help? does she have an "alert" button she can press, is there a device like Alexa set up that she could say "call 911" or "call debstra84"?
And honestly is your mom safe for a short period of time?
....the flip side....
If you hired a babysitter to watch your 2 year old while you were at work and the baby sitter left your child while they were napping to run to the store would you ask that baby sitter to return or would you be looking for another baby sitter?
Another point...How many hours is this 24/7 caregiver working? Does she get a break for lunch? (she should)
How many days a week is she working? Is she getting overtime pay?
I guess the question I have is what are the other things that she has done that you do not trust?
Have you talked to her about the other things? What was the response? Did she repeat the offence or was the action corrected in each case.
I guess I am sitting on the fence on this but bottom line is if you do not trust her and your gut instinct is telling you that you need to fine another caregiver follow your instinct. And not sure I would give 2 week notice, so much can happen in 2 weeks.
A two-year old can get around. A person with dementia who is still mobile can wander off.
A bedbound person can't. If they're capable of making a phone call or pressing a button on a LifeAlert pendant/bracelet then they can be left alone for short periods of time.
What were the other things you weren't happy with?
I am hoping that you do not mean that you have only 1 person caring for your bed bound mom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, ad infinitum, with no other support in place. If that IS what you are doing, I suggest strongly you hire several care givers, because no single person can keep that up for any serious length of time. Even if the caregiver *agrees* to such an arrangement exhaustion will set in quickly and it will be much more dangerous than your mom being left alone for 20-30 minutes.
Was your mom SAFE during the time she was by herself?
Could she have fallen out of bed or accessed unsafe items by her bed, during Caregivers absence?
Were there any other PHYSICALLY DANGEROUS actions she might have performed?
Had you EXPLICITLY TOLD Caregiver NOT to leave her side FOR ANY REASON in your absence?
If your mother has not been FORMALLY ASSESSED as having specific cognitive deficits, do you trust her opinion in choosing someone to take care of her?
Have you made Caregiver fully aware of both your mother’s deficits AND YOUR EXPECTATIONS?
A “caretaker” can be someone fully trained or not.
Whether you (and/or Mother?) decide she should stay or be replaced, make sure that YOU KNOW what you expect as you go forward with your mother’s care.
On another note - when you say your mother is bed bound you don't mean literally, do you? I hope you have the means to get her out of bed and into a supportive wheelchair so that she is able to enjoy the possibility of a little more quality of life?
The late James K and Ms Lisa Fleming from " My 600 Lb Life" were literally bed bound.