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Oh yikes. Yes I would discourage. Can he watch Rick Steve's on PBS? I know well how they are when fiercely independent. I do. But he could easily be a victim of so much.
When is the last time he has taken a trip? Why get him to make a trip by airplane by himself to a relative. Perhaps helping to arrange a trip to a relative will be an eyeopener for him. Instead of discouraging the trip, insist that he have a traveling companion.
If he is determined, and I know that mindset, a companion is a must. You kinda admire them for this, but the world is not so kind anymore.
I think I read some article that Compared cost of world cruise to cost of IL. But I refuse to go on vacation with 3k of my close friends. But that's me.
I don't want to be a downer here. But the reality is fact. Check fine print on his IL contract as to how long he can be gone. Before he will be forced to give up room. His funeral policy should he pass across state or international lines... Capitalism does not have better angels. Maybe funds are not an issue, but there's some homework here.
You go with him if possible. Say, dad, how bout if you and me take a trip or just a train trip somewhere to try out first. Let's test the waters first before leaping in totally. Take a weekend trip by train or plane and see if that helps. Plan a full 3 day weekend and see how he holds up. You should go if you can. I wish I did when my brothers took my mom to NY. I had every excuse not to go. My child, family, work, etc. I regret that.
My Grandmother went on bus trips with the local Senior "Fun Club" until she was age 94. If a family member could arrange to go with her, we would. If not, then the "Fun Club" Sponsor was Grandma's companion during the trips. The trips included short "Day Excursions" to a local theater show or a local tourist attraction such as the Zoo or a winery; or week long trips to locations such as Branson, MO; Las Vegas, NV; New England to see the fall foliage; Washington, DC; etc. Only after Grandma became too confused to be left alone in a motel/hotel room during a trip was our family able to convince her to quit going on these trips.
Since your Father is an Independent Living facility, he most likely is able to take care of himself with some supervision or very minimal assistance with his ADLs, such as dressing, toileting, transfers, eating, and walking with a cane or wheeled walker/rollator.
Talk to the IL Activity Director and ask whether your Father is participating in any of the facility's activities. And if he is not, then ask how you can encourage him to participate in the facility's activities.
Also talk with the IL Director or Social Worker to see what the guidelines are in regards to your Father going on a short trip overnight or 2-3 days without losing his apartment/room at the facility.
If your Father is able to be gone 2-3 days, then plan a short trip and accompany your Father so that you can see which ADLs (Activities of Daily Living) your Father can do by himself and which ADLs he needs assistance with and to determine how well he can adjust to all of the different situations that one experiences when traveling.
My Mom wanted to go to the Rocky Mountains (a favorite vacation location when I was growing up) but at age 85, she was not able to walk very far. So we found a motel that was decorated to resemble a mountain cabin and stayed there for a weekend. The motel walls looked like a log cabin and there were moose and bear motifs on the furniture and lamps. There was even a carved bear standing next to the front door of the lobby. Mom loved the motel and we had a great time.
We all get bored and need a "change of scenery". Maybe a short 6-8 hour trip to another city will be enough to satisfy your Father's desire to go on a two week vacation. Whatever your Father does, you need to be a part of the planning and you need to go with him or have a companion go with him in case he becomes sick or disoriented by the new/strange surroundings.
Has any one tried to use a virtual reality thing? If I could find something like that, I would try it first and see what his reaction would be. Other wise I would opt for the companion. I had an uncle that wanted to see the mountains and the ocean before his time expired. He hired my brother to drive him. Good thing too. He fell at a rest stop in Oregon ( he was from Illinois) and broke his hip. Long stay in hospital. Had to call his oldest son to come get him when it came time to be released.
I like that thought! Maybe the OP has one of those big surround theatres nearby, forget the term. There are some amazing shows, about mountains and whatnot.
My aunt and uncle enjoyed several senior bus trip vacations. I think one was almost a month long. The tour company "delivered" your luggage to your room each evening and picked it up from the room each morning. The hotels usually had several dining and shopping options close by (reasonable walk or covered by hotel shuttle) and every day or two the hotel had a laundry service turnaround that accommodated the tour. My aunt and uncle loved it; said having someone else driving and toting the luggage took most of the pain out of travel. Some tours supported wheelchair access. There were scheduled group events and enough free time to explore on your own or rest if you wanted.
If your father is still mentally clear and performing his ADLs then I would think he would do well in trips like this. He would be traveling in a group, have someone readily available to ask for assistance as needed, and at least a couple of check in points/times daily. If a friend or family member could travel along as a companion it might be close to perfect.
She is saying "feeble" here. Does he need to use a wheelchair? Will the transportation he takes be wheelchair friendly. The motels/hotels will have to be accessible. Is he continent? Can he shower on his own.
I agree, start off small. Maybe a weekend and do nothing for him. He has to realize his weaknesses.
He lives in independent living, so he doesn't need assistance. 93 year olds tend to be slow and have a bit of time getting to their feet quickly. Heck anything quick is out of the question at 93.
May mom can’t stand, caregivers must use a Hoyer, can only feed herself & requires 24\7 care. Last summer (we knew mom would be going to the nursing home this year) she wanted to go to FL for vacation, we offered to pay for two caregivers to take her. They loaded up the hoyer, packs of diapers, meds, and took off. Even called later wanting to know if they could stay longer & we said yes. If there’s money & you can talk him into taking a reliable companion, let him go. This could be his last opportunity to go anywhere.
Peacefulness, as another writer had asked, where is your Dad going on vacation? Is he going with a tour group? Or just winging it as he goes along? Driving himself?
My Dad's mother, who was 90, was still flying from the Mid-west to visit my parents on the East coast. This was years before 9/11 back when family could make sure an elder love one was safely onboard, and when my parents could wait at the gate for my Grandmother to get off the plane. And the Flight Attendants had the time to give Grandmother the extra attention as flights back then weren't totally booked.
Now a days flying has become so complex with long tiring wait times. Packed planes. Little leg room. No meals. Restrooms so very tiny. Certain items banned from carry-on. So stressful. And no more pay phones at the airport.
You can tell your Dad that the weather forecast looks grim for that time frame. Or this time of year is the worst time time travel, prices are much higher. Traveling in September when school is back in session would be a better, and weather more comfortable.
If you live near Dad, ask him if there is anything in your State he would like to see. Pick up sightseeing brochures for Dad to look over. Hotel lobbies usually have a rack of such brochures. Then there is the internet one can search. Let Dad see the largest ball of twine :)
Any time my Dad got bored, I would take him to Home Depot, he could spend hours roaming around that store. Even living in Independent Living he felt like he could use one or two things. It depends on how much patience you have with different stores. Lucky for me, I loved Home Depot/Lowe's :)
Dad has not decided where he will go on this two-week vacation. He will not go with a group. He will probably want to take the train. Last year we both went to California from Colorado to visit my sister biplane. He did not like that experience on the plane. He had wheelchair access for the airport but he still did not like it. He does not drive. He does not realize that he is not in the shape of a 30-year-old man. He used to travel a lot and now misses it terribly . I understand that but commonsense needs to play into his decision. Right now he is too ill to go anywhere but he anticipates going at the end of the summer. I am fine if this is just a pipe dream and something to look forward to but I don't want it to become a reality. It is too dangerous.
Thank you all for your responses. I like the idea of a test trip. He will not go with family. However he does have an 81-year-old friend who I thought might work for him. She is very alert and active for her age. She is a retired nurse. He is able to do activities of daily living given enough time. His gait is very slow and he can hardly move from sitting to standing . Anyway, I appreciate all the responses as it is a big help to me . Thank you so much.
One concern is that if his gait is slow and he has difficulty changing positions, how would he manage on a train? The train motion is very uneven and not smooth or even predictable. Can he manage 8 hours in a train seat and getting up to go to bathroom? He wants to travel and I understand he misses travel and other parts of his prior life but he is not realistically considering all of the steps involved in travel. So he can plan a trip that he will likely never take but have that fun to plan it or you can help him plan something small and local to "try it out".
My 94 year old Mother is in a similar situation, always planning her next trip. All she wants to go to is Europe. Travel is just too hard for her but she will not admit that. Where do you find a Companion? That is so unrealistic. My Mother is a loner and only wants her daughter around (me). She lives alone in a house, in Louisville, KY. I wish she had other activities to entertain her but she has no friends, can barely hear, and has a hard time walking. I groan inwardly every time she mentions her next trip, because something bad could happen. But it is her life and common sense seems to be harder to come by.
Let him go. Help him pack. And I do not say this lightly. I have worked in the senior care field for over 30 years, I know all the negative "what ifs" that can happen. But if he is independent of ADL's and cognitively alert then help him plan and do this. Yes, get him a travel companion (his lady friend sound like a good choice) and pay extra for VIP service - stay in better hotels with doorman to carry his bags, get wheelchair assistance at the airport, pay to have the car service waiting at the gate so he doesn't have to find a cab at the airport. Also make certain you get a travel insurance policy so if he gets sick he can get help as Medicare doesn't cover out for of USA travel. And if the worst case scenario does happen and he gets attacked by the tiger on safari because he couldn't run fast enough....well, at least he went out with his boots on - and I bet that is the way he wants it. My 80 year old Great-Aunt who used a cane that had a portable seat attached and was on multiple medications came and lived with me for 6+ months in China last year and we traveled all over SE Asia - it was her life long dream to travel- her 3 sons thought she was crazy but didn't stop her. She had a heart attack and died 4 weeks after returning to the USA - and now everyone agrees she wouldn't have wanted to do anything different. But remember - get that travel insurance!
Try and Talk Turkey to Dad, About Taking a Companion or even doing a Tour thing with Others...Nowadays it is better to Be safe than to Be Sorry, Even with Someone, Hun, Who is Younger and even "More Mentally alert." Perhaps get someone to also Help Talk to Him...The Aged are Stubborn.xx
I suppose the question is...Where does he want to go in these 2 weeks? You can not travel the world in 2 weeks. If he is living in Kentucky and wants to go within the USA that's one thing, if living in Kentucky he wants to go to South Africa that's another thing! So I suppose my answer might be based on where he wants to go. The travel companion, his friend sounds great.
OHHH! I just thought of something! Is your Dad a Veteran? If so there are Honor Flights that he could go on. There are some that are flights others that are bus trips. They take the Veteran and a Companion to Washington Dc. They tour the Memorials and other sites, there is a dinner, the bus transport is all arranged in Washington. On the trip there are Medics that can help out. Each Veteran has a companion that helps them with whatever they need. If he is a Veteran please look into this option. (No cost to the Veteran although the companion must pay)
Folly? If you were 93 and you wanted to do something that you might not ever get to do again and your children stopped you because in their opinion your action was foolish, how would you feel? 100x over I would rather die doing something I wanted to do than to die parked in front of a television. Please reconsider. There are other options that you should investigate. Help him live his last days as he wants to rather than how you believe he should.
My father took his last vacation to London at age 97, with congestive heart failure. I think it hastened his death, he died a few months later, but he went out doing what he wanted to do. He traveled with my mother who was 86 at the time with early stages of dementia. It was a bit scary for me to think about it, but they were doing what they love. It would be good if he could have a travel companion.
Thought I would see this suggestion but, if it is here, I missed it. How about a trip to his doctor before he goes? If you were taking your car on a long trip, wouldn't you have it checked before going to make sure everything was working properly? That way, if the doc finds a reason he shouldn't go, you will have prevented having him come down sick while he is miles away from you and if the doc says he is in good health and able to travel, it will reassure you.
My Dad was 77, mentally reasonably sharp but reflexes not so good, had been pretty much living alone after my mom had passed five years earlier, but spent time with out of town family members around the country. I was back at home after graduating from college. His brother (2 years younger) suggested that we join him and his wife on a trip to the Holy Land, where he had a son who was a medical missionary. Why not? My uncle was already on his way from another part of the world, so Dad and I arranged a 2 week freighter passage from New York to Beirut (having relative-hopped our way across the country by train). BTW, freighter travel is a good low-key way to go, most freighters have passenger accomodations for 10-12 people. My uncle met us in Beirut, and they and their son and family gave us a great tour of Lebanon, Damascus, northern Jordan, Jerusalem and what was then the Jordanian West Bank. Dad developed what appeared to be tourist-tummy issues, and wound up in a Beirut hospital under the supervision of a good doctor friend of my cousin. He stopped eating, and didn't seem to have any interest in making an effort. Meanwhile, I had met a man who had been living in the US and was visiting relatives in Lebanon, and whose family knew my cousin. He and Dad hit it off, and as far as Dad was concerned, he didn't need to worry about me any more; missed my mom a lot, and was ready to check out. (Turned out he had other physical issues that his doctors had been monitoring.) It was tough, but with the support of my cousin (with the same last name, which helped a lot) and that end and my brothers making arrangements from the US, he was sent home to be with my mom. I don't regret those last months; Dad got to see a part of the world that he'd always wanted to see; spent time with a brother that he'd always been close to, saw me taken care of. On the way from the West Coast to NY, we had spent time with quite a lot of friends and relatives, including one of my brothers and his family. I married my husband in Lebanon that summer, with my cousin's wife as one of the witnesses. When we returned to California where my husband had been living, I found out that one of the pastors at the church my husband had been going to was an old friend of my dad from my home town and had introduced him to my mom. I have totally no regrets about Dad's last months; it was an adventure for all of us, including my husband who had a chance to get to know my dad (who told my brother-in-law that he had never met a man that he thought would take better care of me than my husband.) If you've got a loved one with the interest and energy for an adventure, go for it!
How lovely you were able to travel such a distance with your dad. And to meet your husband while doing so. However, the writer's father is almost 20 years older than your dad was when you ventured off. She didn't say she could go with him. He wants to go alone. Your own dad was surrounded by close family, and still became ill, required hospitalization, creating a grave situation for him and his loved ones. It sounds as if she is looking for a way to gently keep him from trying to do this, IMO. Maybe I misread part of her question. I think she is better off providing him with local day trips, and videos of parts of the world he would see if he was physically able to now. Thank you for the encouragement to travel with aging parent or spouse. In this case, I would have to advise she be patient with his amibitions, and do her best to distract him.
Does he have a reasonable plan to get where he wants to go? Will he be traveling with a group or going to see someone? If he is going from point A to point B to visit someone, then why not. Worst case scenario -- he wears out and needs some assistance home. As long as he is mentally alert and wants to venture out - why get in his way. Better to get to do something he wants to do than to sit in a facility wishing. Safe travels, Pops!
So many people post their concern that their family member doesn't want to do anything, just sits and watches TV. Then when someone does want to go, a lot of people start talking about stopping them from going. An old person can't win. No wonder old people get hard to manage. If he wants to go, encourage him to take his lady friend.
So, something happens to him, Gee Whiz, he is 93 years old. I would encourage him to join an exercise class to build up his body a little bit while he is planning the trip. He might be feeble because he hasn't done anything. I know if I don't exercise regularly I lose strength faster than I used to.
I sure hope that I am as alert and willing to go, when I am 93. God forbid that anyone should presume that he/she may override my wishes and ask for help on a public forum.
If he is mentally alert and living independently, is there some reason why he would be at risk of traveling by himself? I'm not suggesting that you are being overly cautious. I'm just wondering if there is more information.
My own mother lives in her own apartment, is 67, and disabled but mentally alert. I would, however, not want her traveling overnight anywhere. Why? Because to travel she would have to pack her large oxygen concentrator (for overnight and during the day), her portable oxygen concentrator (it only has 6 hours of battery life), her nebulizer, her BiPap, her rollator, medications, back brace, inhalers, and then her clothing and toiletries. Lets just say, it's just not feesible.
So my question is: is there some sort of circumstances, other than just his age, that makes his traveling alone a folly? If he can manage well enough to live alone without assistance, maybe something like a cruise wouldn't hurt. He'd have a lot of his needs close at hand, and if there is a problem there is an infirmary on board. The fact that he is interested in venturing out is actually a good thing. There may be some options you can figure out that might allow him to do what he wants while ensuring his safety.
Bravo! I can't tell you the ageism I've been exposed to dealing with dad at Age 102. Sometimes it's quite amusing and fun. I am putting together a book of cards etc from his 100th (thank god his good health gave me a grace period!) and I came upon a post visit summary from our beloved family practice MD which read "I'd advise you not to shovel snow and not to take long trips". THAT was 5 years ago and makes me laugh every time I see it. I put it on the first page with "Life is a journey not a destination". If he told me he was going to take a trip, I'd say go for it. I wish he would go have some fun but he is so devoted to mom (70 years together in August) he won't leave her and she has dementia. SO, if it were my dad going I'd give him my blessings BUT I would absolutely insist that I had to have an itinerary and then I would call every hotel and airline and make sure they had MY contact info, plus he'd have to have some sort of bracelet or ID with contact info...just in case. And then I'd say have a good time and don't forget to bring me a goody!
Love your thoughts, especially the ID bracelet. I have found if I take a rollator that people jump to help me. I have a bad back, other than that I can travel.
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Can he watch Rick Steve's on PBS? I know well how they are when fiercely independent. I do. But he could easily be a victim of so much.
He is 93 and he still has his mind, I think that he can do what he wants. If he had dementia, different story.
Is there a grandson, nephew, family friend that would be good with an all expenses paid vacay in exchange for assisting your dad?
We can't protect them from the inevitable, but we can make them very unhappy with the trying.
I think I read some article that Compared cost of world cruise to cost of IL. But I refuse to go on vacation with 3k of my close friends. But that's me.
I don't want to be a downer here. But the reality is fact. Check fine print on his IL contract as to how long he can be gone. Before he will be forced to give up room. His funeral policy should he pass across state or international lines...
Capitalism does not have better angels. Maybe funds are not an issue, but there's some homework here.
Since your Father is an Independent Living facility, he most likely is able to take care of himself with some supervision or very minimal assistance with his ADLs, such as dressing, toileting, transfers, eating, and walking with a cane or wheeled walker/rollator.
Talk to the IL Activity Director and ask whether your Father is participating in any of the facility's activities. And if he is not, then ask how you can encourage him to participate in the facility's activities.
Also talk with the IL Director or Social Worker to see what the guidelines are in regards to your Father going on a short trip overnight or 2-3 days without losing his apartment/room at the facility.
If your Father is able to be gone 2-3 days, then plan a short trip and accompany your Father so that you can see which ADLs (Activities of Daily Living) your Father can do by himself and which ADLs he needs assistance with and to determine how well he can adjust to all of the different situations that one experiences when traveling.
My Mom wanted to go to the Rocky Mountains (a favorite vacation location when I was growing up) but at age 85, she was not able to walk very far. So we found a motel that was decorated to resemble a mountain cabin and stayed there for a weekend. The motel walls looked like a log cabin and there were moose and bear motifs on the furniture and lamps. There was even a carved bear standing next to the front door of the lobby. Mom loved the motel and we had a great time.
We all get bored and need a "change of scenery". Maybe a short 6-8 hour trip to another city will be enough to satisfy your Father's desire to go on a two week vacation. Whatever your Father does, you need to be a part of the planning and you need to go with him or have a companion go with him in case he becomes sick or disoriented by the new/strange surroundings.
I had an uncle that wanted to see the mountains and the ocean before his time expired. He hired my brother to drive him. Good thing too. He fell at a rest stop in Oregon ( he was from Illinois) and broke his hip. Long stay in hospital. Had to call his oldest son to come get him when it came time to be released.
If your father is still mentally clear and performing his ADLs then I would think he would do well in trips like this. He would be traveling in a group, have someone readily available to ask for assistance as needed, and at least a couple of check in points/times daily. If a friend or family member could travel along as a companion it might be close to perfect.
I agree, start off small. Maybe a weekend and do nothing for him. He has to realize his weaknesses.
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If there’s money & you can talk him into taking a reliable companion, let him go. This could be his last opportunity to go anywhere.
My Dad's mother, who was 90, was still flying from the Mid-west to visit my parents on the East coast. This was years before 9/11 back when family could make sure an elder love one was safely onboard, and when my parents could wait at the gate for my Grandmother to get off the plane. And the Flight Attendants had the time to give Grandmother the extra attention as flights back then weren't totally booked.
Now a days flying has become so complex with long tiring wait times. Packed planes. Little leg room. No meals. Restrooms so very tiny. Certain items banned from carry-on. So stressful. And no more pay phones at the airport.
You can tell your Dad that the weather forecast looks grim for that time frame. Or this time of year is the worst time time travel, prices are much higher. Traveling in September when school is back in session would be a better, and weather more comfortable.
If you live near Dad, ask him if there is anything in your State he would like to see. Pick up sightseeing brochures for Dad to look over. Hotel lobbies usually have a rack of such brochures. Then there is the internet one can search. Let Dad see the largest ball of twine :)
Any time my Dad got bored, I would take him to Home Depot, he could spend hours roaming around that store. Even living in Independent Living he felt like he could use one or two things. It depends on how much patience you have with different stores. Lucky for me, I loved Home Depot/Lowe's :)
So he can plan a trip that he will likely never take but have that fun to plan it or you can help him plan something small and local to "try it out".
Not to contradict you, but it is not.
Check with charitable organizations, your church, friends, family, local colleges. Any of them can assist with finding someone that can do this.
Bring brochures for him to look at and decide and see if he actually decides on a place or just happy with thinking and talking about it.
Also suggest 1 week so he can see two different places in the World.
That way, after his first one week trip, you might not hear him ask for the 2nd.
Suggest ya'll go on a Cruise to Alaska.
Aabsolutely Beautiful Scenery.
He'll be able to eat when he wants and have plenty of time for napping in his room and going to whichever events he chooses to go to on ship.
Perhaps get someone to also Help Talk to Him...The Aged are Stubborn.xx
So I suppose my answer might be based on where he wants to go.
The travel companion, his friend sounds great.
OHHH! I just thought of something! Is your Dad a Veteran? If so there are Honor Flights that he could go on. There are some that are flights others that are bus trips. They take the Veteran and a Companion to Washington Dc. They tour the Memorials and other sites, there is a dinner, the bus transport is all arranged in Washington. On the trip there are Medics that can help out. Each Veteran has a companion that helps them with whatever they need. If he is a Veteran please look into this option. (No cost to the Veteran although the companion must pay)
I don't regret those last months; Dad got to see a part of the world that he'd always wanted to see; spent time with a brother that he'd always been close to, saw me taken care of. On the way from the West Coast to NY, we had spent time with quite a lot of friends and relatives, including one of my brothers and his family. I married my husband in Lebanon that summer, with my cousin's wife as one of the witnesses. When we returned to California where my husband had been living, I found out that one of the pastors at the church my husband had been going to was an old friend of my dad from my home town and had introduced him to my mom.
I have totally no regrets about Dad's last months; it was an adventure for all of us, including my husband who had a chance to get to know my dad (who told my brother-in-law that he had never met a man that he thought would take better care of me than my husband.)
If you've got a loved one with the interest and energy for an adventure, go for it!
However, the writer's father is almost 20 years older than your dad was when you ventured off. She didn't say she could go with him. He wants to go alone. Your own dad was surrounded by close family, and still became ill, required hospitalization, creating a grave situation for him and his loved ones.
It sounds as if she is looking for a way to gently keep him from trying to do this, IMO. Maybe I misread part of her question.
I think she is better off providing him with local day trips, and videos of parts of the world he would see if he was physically able to now.
Thank you for the encouragement to travel with aging parent or spouse.
In this case, I would have to advise she be patient with his amibitions, and do her best to distract him.
So, something happens to him, Gee Whiz, he is 93 years old. I would encourage him to join an exercise class to build up his body a little bit while he is planning the trip. He might be feeble because he hasn't done anything. I know if I don't exercise regularly I lose strength faster than I used to.
My own mother lives in her own apartment, is 67, and disabled but mentally alert. I would, however, not want her traveling overnight anywhere. Why? Because to travel she would have to pack her large oxygen concentrator (for overnight and during the day), her portable oxygen concentrator (it only has 6 hours of battery life), her nebulizer, her BiPap, her rollator, medications, back brace, inhalers, and then her clothing and toiletries. Lets just say, it's just not feesible.
So my question is: is there some sort of circumstances, other than just his age, that makes his traveling alone a folly? If he can manage well enough to live alone without assistance, maybe something like a cruise wouldn't hurt. He'd have a lot of his needs close at hand, and if there is a problem there is an infirmary on board. The fact that he is interested in venturing out is actually a good thing. There may be some options you can figure out that might allow him to do what he wants while ensuring his safety.