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Sister in law lives in Mom's house and was reason Mom went to home. She called hospice and didn't call any family. We went to visit and found my Mom sick. My Mom lay there 6 days without food or water. Before she died. Can I do anything. I was to late to save my Mom. But I want some justice for her. Thanks

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Your SIL needed to be assigned as secondary to your brother. And I think a lawyer needs to invoke it, its not automatic. And like said, POA stops at death.

If Mom had a Will then she assigned an Executor. That person is now incharge and follows what is written in the Will. Probate cannot be opened until a few days after death. If no Will, then you can go to Probate and become an Administrator. You will do everything an Executor would do but....the State determines who inherits. With your Mom, Children first, no children alive, then grands. Your SIL will not inherit anything because she is not related. Being your brothers wife means nothing. For her to stay in the house, Mom would have needed to make previsions.

If Mom was on Hospice she was dying. Hospice is comfort care. Morphine is given for pain and ease of breathing. Also, anxiety meds. Once the body starts to shut down, it does harm to give them something to drink or eat. Usually the first thing to go is the ability to swallow.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Silentfire1963, welcome to the forum, and sorry for your lost of your Mom and your brother. Please fill out the Profile page, as that would give us more information regarding this matter. Such as the health matters regarding your Mom.


You mentioned you want justice for your Mom. What do you feel was wrongly done? Who told you your Mom didn't have food/water for almost a week? Did Mom say that as it doesn't sound like something the nursing home would say to upset family? You mentioned you found your Mom sick. Did you not know she was failing? Sounds like a communication gap.


As others here had mentioned, if a person's organs are shutting down, giving that person food or water would be quite painful for that person. Not doing that is quite the norm.
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Reply to freqflyer
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This individual case is one for the law authorities in your own area.
You need to know that a POA is over at the point the person has died (meaning SIL doesn't have POA NOW but she may be the executor of a will if she is so designated).
Your brother apparently was the POA, and it seems he cared for a very ill mother. Your SIL must have been second on the POA document.
Your mother was on hospice.
Often patients on Hospice are unable to eat or drink. HOSPICE IS END OF LIFE CARE FOR A DYING person. I am sorry that you were not informed that your mother was dying and I can only suspect that it is possible that your family felt you would be disruptive for a dying person by being at bedside (sorry, that's just a guess given you think there is a need for "justice" for someone who was dying and had hospice end of life care).

I think that you have no recourse. I am sorry you could not be there at the bedside of your dying mom, and that there is poor relationship with your brother who has passed, and with his wife. If you feel that there was some wrongdoing you have the same recourse anyone else has to the police in your area. I am very sorry for the loss of your mom.

Since clearly you have a very adversarial relationship and DID have with the persons in your family your mother CHOSE as her POAs, I think it may be wise to find out what hospice (if you are able) managed the care of your mother, and to approach them as family members who were uninformed of your mother's death and dying. They will help you (if your approach is realistic) to understand her conditions in dying, and will steer you toward some grieving management suggestions.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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POA is suspended Once the Person is deceased . In Hospice they do Not give dying People food or water since the organs are shutting down . I would find out if there is a Will and who is executor and find yourself an attorney to Protect yourself .
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Reply to KNance72
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Sorry for your loss.

No one has POA after someone dies. The POA document and powers end at death.
The executor of her estate takes over to execute the will.

You need an attorney because you are her daughter and an heir. Is there a will?

The attorney can tell you if your Mom's death needs to be investigated for any wrongdoing on the part of your Sister-in-law.

Was this recent?
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Reply to Sendhelp
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They may not have to show the POA but I'd want assurance they have checked the document and know if the successor named is indeed your SIL, in any case if you want control you may have to lawyer up and fight for guardianship.
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Reply to cwillie
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cwillie Aug 26, 2024
I guess I read this before my morning coffee, I was sure the post was about caring for the father after the mother's passing 🤔
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