I spent a year with “one eye open” video monitor in bed with me jumping out when he called. Never enough sleep, every 2-3 hours up at night and usually sleeping 4-5 hours total. I was Stressed and worried to the max. Now, he died a couple months ago and my body craves at least 8 hours sleep but I still wake every 2-3 hours and end up just with 5 hours a night. I look at my phone, email and news since I lie awake. It is as if my sleep has been damaged permanently. What should I do to get back to 8 hours besides take my phone out of the room? I don’t drink coffee or any caffeine and I am a night owl my whole life that used to sleep 8-9 hours consistently. I feel as if I went through a war the past year and I am shell shocked.
I never had problems falling asleep until my father died. At the time, sleep was my escape and I just couldn’t. Time and cutting out caffeine helped me eventually, but I feel your pain!
My last child started sleeping consistently through the night just 2 years ago. After years of being up at all hours of the night to care for children, it took me about 6 months to be able to sleep through the night. I had a relaxing bedtime routine, limited fluids, and took 3mg melatonin which helped me to get to sleep, but I still woke up completely wired (and exhausted) around 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep. It finally helped me to extend my sleep by going to bed earlier (9-9:30pm) and then earlier (8-8:30pm). Once I had established that routine, I changed my routine again by staying up later and later until I was tired enough to “break” through the 3am barrier and regularly sleep beyond 3am. Now I have no issues sleeping until 6 or 7am. In the past I have used the same strategy for severe jet lag (12 hour time difference moving to SE Asia and then back to the US), and a similar strategy might help you after you take the time you need to grieve.
best of luck but I think in time your body will adjust😊
#1
you will get back to a sleep pattern that gives you what you need.
#2
you have been “shell shocked”
this is true and completely expected for a caregiver, don’t feel alone.
#3
take a conscious and deliberate step in getting a good nights sleep by doing SOMETHING like investing in a white noise devise or app on your phone.
#4
realize and remember that your loved one is no longer in pain and suffering
#5
deep long breathes
#6
smile
i know it may sound silly but try it
at bedtime, it’s amazing how it will calm you in to the perfect body/mind set to sleep well.
I know this will help you if you take it seriously.
you WILL heal in time.
you must allow yourself to do so.
you did what you had to do for your loved one and now you need to do it for you.
Your body set itself into a ‘can do’ pattern to deal with the demand and stress. It can reset itself, but it will take time. You now must retrain it back to normal. It will take awhile, but I believe it will happen. Here are some of the things I do or think would help.
Take walks, exercise, swim (if possible), have lunch with friends, get a pet and foster a pet, mentally tell your self, he is out of misery now, i did what I could, now I can do what makes me happy. Buy new clothes. And I have found a CBD product that helps make me BE CLAM. It does soothe the nerves without any side effects. One during the day, one at night. It helps.
Of course, there are reminders and bumpy times. But hopefully your body will adjust. Give yourself time. Four months, unfortunately, is not very long for the kind of stress you have experienced for your whole self to get back to its old self.
Spring is coming, plant a small garden, walk in the sunshine, chat with friends. Buy something new, like a new sweater, shoes. Be happy that your Dad is no longer suffering.
my sincere best wishes
Bernadette
I have not slept through the night for the last 40 years, but I learned that "bi-phasic sleep" is a normal pattern for some people, so now I do not fret too much if I wake up during the night. Don't think too far ahead when you wake up in the night. If morning comes before you've slept enough, promise yourself a (short!!) nap sometime during the day. You may not ever bother with it.
Don't schedule things for too early in the morning, so youcan sleep a little later if you do fall back to sleep.
The after effects of care taking and a death may take several months to wind down. Entirely normal. Be your own care taker now and don't demand too much of yourself.
1. For a few weeks I took one 5mg. tablet of extended release Melatonin.
2. Stopped drinking either coffee or tea after about 3pm.
3. Limited ALL liquids about 3 hours before my intended bedtime.
4. Stopped watching TV after 10pm and started reading instead.
5. Wore loose-fitting socks in bed. For whatever reason, they help me sleep better (possibly because my feet are warm).
6. If I woke during the night and hadn't gone back to sleep in just a few minutes, I would read a book, NOT look at my phone. The blue light from a phone or computer interferes with sleep.
7. Did NOT use a white noise machine (latest research shows that the constant low-level noise can actually cause hearing loss.)
8. Get on a regular schedule. Go to bed at roughly the same time every night, and get up at the same time every morning.
9. Let time work its magic. You have been through a lot, and with time your body will return to better habits. In the meantime, if you feel drowsy during the day, take a short nap (not so long that it keeps you from sleeping at night).
10. You might consider using a weighted blanket. These have been proven to reduce anxiety. They are available online and at stores too.
Your body is trying to tell you that you need more rest. Tell your mind to listen to it, because it is wiser than most of the people giving you advice, including me!
When I can't sleep I play a computer game and it takes my mind off the world then suddenly I feel how tired I am and simply fall asleep
Age could be a factor, as well as health issues. I just found out that I have a thyroid problem which causes sleep issues. Have you discussed this with a medical professional? Maybe your insurance has an on-line option you can call. I think the first thing is to rule out any medical cause, then seek help from a sleep clinic or advisor. What works for one person may not work for you.
Bless you for being so good to your dad. I am a registered Sleep technologist and sleep can be complicated. You need to establish exact sleep and wake times, even if you can't get to sleep on time. No caffeine or alcohol at all.Remove the phone, put into another room. Room should be completely dark and cool, wear socks if your feet are cold. If you can't get to sleep within 30 min, get up and sit in a nearby chair, in the dark, no phone. Sit until you feel yourself getting sleepy, then get back in bed. Set your alarm for the same time every morning, even if you feel tired. Get up at same time every day! This is very important to setting your sleep patterns. Your body will gradually adjust. Best of luck.
You have been through a lot and there is certainly nothing wrong with getting some assistance.
Best of luck to you
How great to have a sleep therapist respond to you a few posts back! Sound advise, I'm sure.
Also, sitting in the morning sunshine (even in your car on the way to work) is an important component of re/establishing your circadian rhythm.
I would caution you with the multiple suggestions of taking melatonin. The 10mg(?) as suggested by someone is waaay too much to begin with, if at all. Melatonin supplements can have adverse side effects and interfere with some medications and health conditions (I speak from experience). Check out this link from the Mayo clinic:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/melatonin-side-effects/faq-20057874
Hope you can get into your sleep groove soon!