I spent a year with “one eye open” video monitor in bed with me jumping out when he called. Never enough sleep, every 2-3 hours up at night and usually sleeping 4-5 hours total. I was Stressed and worried to the max. Now, he died a couple months ago and my body craves at least 8 hours sleep but I still wake every 2-3 hours and end up just with 5 hours a night. I look at my phone, email and news since I lie awake. It is as if my sleep has been damaged permanently. What should I do to get back to 8 hours besides take my phone out of the room? I don’t drink coffee or any caffeine and I am a night owl my whole life that used to sleep 8-9 hours consistently. I feel as if I went through a war the past year and I am shell shocked.
Age could be a factor, as well as health issues. I just found out that I have a thyroid problem which causes sleep issues. Have you discussed this with a medical professional? Maybe your insurance has an on-line option you can call. I think the first thing is to rule out any medical cause, then seek help from a sleep clinic or advisor. What works for one person may not work for you.
When I can't sleep I play a computer game and it takes my mind off the world then suddenly I feel how tired I am and simply fall asleep
1. For a few weeks I took one 5mg. tablet of extended release Melatonin.
2. Stopped drinking either coffee or tea after about 3pm.
3. Limited ALL liquids about 3 hours before my intended bedtime.
4. Stopped watching TV after 10pm and started reading instead.
5. Wore loose-fitting socks in bed. For whatever reason, they help me sleep better (possibly because my feet are warm).
6. If I woke during the night and hadn't gone back to sleep in just a few minutes, I would read a book, NOT look at my phone. The blue light from a phone or computer interferes with sleep.
7. Did NOT use a white noise machine (latest research shows that the constant low-level noise can actually cause hearing loss.)
8. Get on a regular schedule. Go to bed at roughly the same time every night, and get up at the same time every morning.
9. Let time work its magic. You have been through a lot, and with time your body will return to better habits. In the meantime, if you feel drowsy during the day, take a short nap (not so long that it keeps you from sleeping at night).
10. You might consider using a weighted blanket. These have been proven to reduce anxiety. They are available online and at stores too.
Your body is trying to tell you that you need more rest. Tell your mind to listen to it, because it is wiser than most of the people giving you advice, including me!
I have not slept through the night for the last 40 years, but I learned that "bi-phasic sleep" is a normal pattern for some people, so now I do not fret too much if I wake up during the night. Don't think too far ahead when you wake up in the night. If morning comes before you've slept enough, promise yourself a (short!!) nap sometime during the day. You may not ever bother with it.
Don't schedule things for too early in the morning, so youcan sleep a little later if you do fall back to sleep.
The after effects of care taking and a death may take several months to wind down. Entirely normal. Be your own care taker now and don't demand too much of yourself.
Your body set itself into a ‘can do’ pattern to deal with the demand and stress. It can reset itself, but it will take time. You now must retrain it back to normal. It will take awhile, but I believe it will happen. Here are some of the things I do or think would help.
Take walks, exercise, swim (if possible), have lunch with friends, get a pet and foster a pet, mentally tell your self, he is out of misery now, i did what I could, now I can do what makes me happy. Buy new clothes. And I have found a CBD product that helps make me BE CLAM. It does soothe the nerves without any side effects. One during the day, one at night. It helps.
Of course, there are reminders and bumpy times. But hopefully your body will adjust. Give yourself time. Four months, unfortunately, is not very long for the kind of stress you have experienced for your whole self to get back to its old self.
Spring is coming, plant a small garden, walk in the sunshine, chat with friends. Buy something new, like a new sweater, shoes. Be happy that your Dad is no longer suffering.
my sincere best wishes
Bernadette
#1
you will get back to a sleep pattern that gives you what you need.
#2
you have been “shell shocked”
this is true and completely expected for a caregiver, don’t feel alone.
#3
take a conscious and deliberate step in getting a good nights sleep by doing SOMETHING like investing in a white noise devise or app on your phone.
#4
realize and remember that your loved one is no longer in pain and suffering
#5
deep long breathes
#6
smile
i know it may sound silly but try it
at bedtime, it’s amazing how it will calm you in to the perfect body/mind set to sleep well.
I know this will help you if you take it seriously.
you WILL heal in time.
you must allow yourself to do so.
you did what you had to do for your loved one and now you need to do it for you.
best of luck but I think in time your body will adjust😊
My last child started sleeping consistently through the night just 2 years ago. After years of being up at all hours of the night to care for children, it took me about 6 months to be able to sleep through the night. I had a relaxing bedtime routine, limited fluids, and took 3mg melatonin which helped me to get to sleep, but I still woke up completely wired (and exhausted) around 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep. It finally helped me to extend my sleep by going to bed earlier (9-9:30pm) and then earlier (8-8:30pm). Once I had established that routine, I changed my routine again by staying up later and later until I was tired enough to “break” through the 3am barrier and regularly sleep beyond 3am. Now I have no issues sleeping until 6 or 7am. In the past I have used the same strategy for severe jet lag (12 hour time difference moving to SE Asia and then back to the US), and a similar strategy might help you after you take the time you need to grieve.
I never had problems falling asleep until my father died. At the time, sleep was my escape and I just couldn’t. Time and cutting out caffeine helped me eventually, but I feel your pain!
The advice you get, while sound, is usually difficult to implement. I’m speaking here of what they call ‘sleep hygiene’:
1. establish regular sleep hours
2. Avoid naps (especially long naps over 20-30 minutes)
3. Get exercise every day, preferably outside.
4. use the bedroom only for sleep or sex
5. do something calming for the hour before bed.
most of these are just hard to do on a regular basis, especially when you are already exhausted.
I like to watch news before bed. Just can’t seem to give that up. It’s like seeing a wreck on the highway. You know you shouldn’t look but can’t turn away.
I tried melatonin, didn’t work. Trazadone worked for a while, but after 6 months I had to up the dose, after a year I felt like a zombie.
I am finally learning to accept that I often will sleep only 5-6 hours at night. Then I nap when needed, but I try to keep naps short.
Meditation is also helpful, but not so easy as it may sound.
Also for the last four months I’ve been working with a sleep psychologist at the Cleveland clinic sleep disorders center. She has me do a sleep journal and then every month or so we check in about sleep habits. She had me do a reset of my sleep cycle and it also helped tremendously. I’m sleeping usually about six hours straight a night which is an enormous improvement over what I was doing. Also at my age she says six hours straight is probably as much as anyone could expect.
I'm thinking that one's body will tell a person what will work best for it, even if it doesn't align with the "modern" schedule. If one is retired and doesn't have caregiving responsibilities (or no longer has them), then one has more freedom to discover and adopt the daily routine that works best.
I recall reading that before the "industrial age" many people slept at various times of the day as their work and other responsibilities permitted. The "get up and stay up until night time" routine was mandated by the institution of 8 hour (or longer) shifts in factories, etc. (although many other walks of life undoubtedly kept people busy continuously throughout the day). Now so many societies are "programmed" to believe that sleeping during the day is a sign of laziness.
As my parents’ primary caregiver the past few years, I understand sleeping with one eye (and ear!) always open. Even though my parents are gone, I still go into their bedroom to check on them. Although, now (until we can have a memorial service), their cremains are in urns resting on a bureau ~ so at least I can say hi.
Take care and go easy on yourself!!
I asked my husband’s neurologist about my lack of sleep and he said it could take several years for the previous sleep pattern to return after the stressor is gone. Meaning, after my husband passes away.
So, give your body time to heal itself and you can then regain your equilibrium.