I spent a year with “one eye open” video monitor in bed with me jumping out when he called. Never enough sleep, every 2-3 hours up at night and usually sleeping 4-5 hours total. I was Stressed and worried to the max. Now, he died a couple months ago and my body craves at least 8 hours sleep but I still wake every 2-3 hours and end up just with 5 hours a night. I look at my phone, email and news since I lie awake. It is as if my sleep has been damaged permanently. What should I do to get back to 8 hours besides take my phone out of the room? I don’t drink coffee or any caffeine and I am a night owl my whole life that used to sleep 8-9 hours consistently. I feel as if I went through a war the past year and I am shell shocked.
White noise such as a fan is good to help you sleep. Also when you wake up don't look at your phone turn away from the clock and phone and lay still and force your mind to think of a vacation at the beach or somewhere you would like to visit. It takes around 30 days to change a habit. Keep this routine and you will find yourself sleeping longer. Remember also that as we age and become more sedentary we need less sleep. I am 75 and I sleep about 5-6 hours I don't nap. I try to go to bed around midnight and wake up around 5-6 am. Good luck .
Bless you, and thank you for your diligence and faithfulness for taking care of your dad!! Sounds like you are doing what is right in terms of no caffeine... maybe you could also walk or exercise a small bit everyday (get some fresh air and sunshine), eat well (proteins, fresh fruits and vegetables) and stay hydrated. My parents passed away and it has taken me awhile to “decompress”. I totally understand the vigilance and high stress overload. Instead of watching tv or looking at any screens, maybe you could read before bedtime. The quiet and time for your brain to process reading will help. I read my Bible. Psalm 19:7a says “The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.” Have peace about how you’ve advocated for your dad. The Lord will redeem your time and your sleep. I know because He did this for me. He is the God of redemption. Now, you can take time for yourself. It’s hard to slow down once you’ve been in a constant routine of high stress, but hopefully, you can now take time for yourself. May He give you His peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding. Many blessings!!
Like you, I no longer feel normal, my stress level is always high, and even though I'm exhausted I can't sleep.
Part of it it a permanent change that will likely remain, however there are some things you can do to help.
You should seek conversation (like you did here) and get some things off your chest. Clearing your mind of the things that trouble you are the beginning.
Try an over the counter natural sleep aid. See a doctor for something stronger if needed.
Spend some time thinking about things that interest you, and from there you can start a new hobby, maybe a business, just try to look for something new in life that interests you because it will make you feel better overall, and that is the key to starting to rest well again.
I wish there was some magic word or action to help you, and others like you, but there isn't so this is all I can offer. These things will help........Best of luck
I’d avoid looking at a screen as that’s been shown to be detrimental to sleep.
I take melatonin to help me sleep-I have anxiety that keeps me up. Good luck!
Try taking a hot soak in the tub right before bedtime and have the room dark and cool and listen to some relaxing soft massage or nature sounds music.
Sip a cup of warm nighttime tea.
Make sure you don't drink lots of fluids past 6 or 7 PM so you don't wake up to have to go to the bathroom.
Praters
Skeep will come.
Others suggested meditation and mindfulness, and I agree that practicing those things will help, too.
I also take 3 mg of melatonin every night before going to bed. That's the smallest dose you can buy, and while I do still have some sleepless nights when I'm stressing badly about my mother, I do fall asleep again eventually.
The important thing I've found it to not stimulate my brain too terribly much if I do wake up, so absolutely no reading, no lights, and no electronics for me, or I'm up for the duration.
I love the ones with essential oils in them.
I'm sorry about your Mom!
I would recommend a radio at the bedside. Turn on talk radio or classical music you listen to really mindfully, listening to the different instruments. This takes your head out of the circular stir of the stew it wants to jump into every night.
I wish you luck. Avoid sleep aids if you are able. Do know some of them that of OTC are based on diphenhyramine which can have a sort of rebound anxiousness affect. Sominex doesn't but most do.
I wish you luck. It is a matter of time. Anxiety about it will make it worse.
Everyone is helped by something different. For me, opening my kindle and reading fiction for a bit, escape fiction, will loosen the hold anxiety can get on the mind.
My suggestion is the opposite of what others here have said. Go with the setup you are accustomed to - have that video monitor on by your bed. You are used to that light and if it’s not there your body goes on alert. Bit by bit, you’ll sleep longer as the calls for help aren’t coming through. Eventually you will be able to turn it away from you, and then off entirely.
Also contrary to most sensible sleep advice, we sleep with a TV on all night, replaying the same movies, quiet movies but ones we like. If we wake up, we have something pleasant to look at that is also a bit boring as we have seen the movies so many times. It only takes a couple minutes of being awake to one of those to put us back to sleep. All of this is accompanied by the familiar sounds of a CPAP and oxygen machine, and a room air conditioner. We both sleep quite well with all this very accustomed sound and light, much better than we ever have trying to do ‘proper’ sleep techniques.
Here is my routine:
Plug in clear, twinkle lights in bedroom (these are so soothing... I just strung them along the dresser top)
Warm shower or bath
Scented lotion
Chamomile tea
Brush teeth
Watch or listen "how to" videos on YouTube
I am out for the night...return to sleep after a bathroom trip!
Again, this is what works for me and some might not find my routine helpful.
You may also find meditation techniques helpful - have you tried anything like that?
Secondly, how long has it been since dad passed? Like you, I spent over a year with mostly nights of broken sleep, listening for any noises from my mom. I thought, the night she passed away "well, at least now I might get a full night's sleep". But for me, it took months. My mom died in the beginning of October; I really didn't get back into a "normal" sleep regime until the end of January; normal being I get more full nights of sleep than broken ones. But I still have 1-2 nights a week where I wake up "listening" for mom. I just think it's going to take some time. Remember, any sort of change - even things you're excited about happening - cause stress, and stress is deadly to sleep.
I think Geaton has given you some excellent tips to help promote a good night's sleep. If this goes on for a long time - that is, if you don't find your sleep patterns at least improving by the spring, I would make an appointment with my doctor and speak to him/her, and be guided by their advice. But I hope, like me, as time goes on you will be able to get some decent night's sleep in the not-too-distant future.
Good luck.
I think all caregivers do this.
It was a long time before I could sleep through the night.
It was a long time before I could go out shopping without the thought that I had to get home by 3:00 so the caregiver could leave.
It was a long time before I thought about making a dinner that was not a soup so that it could be pureed.
You need to rethink and find yourself again. That can take a while.
You need to "reset" your clock.
Take your phone out of the room.
Do not watch TV in bed.
Bring a book with you and read if you have to . Get a timer for the lamp so that if you fall asleep reading the light will go out and not wake you later.
Get a white noise machine and set it on something calming. (mine has several sounds my favorite is the "summer night" with crickets and other calming sounds you hear on a summer evening, I can't listen to any of the running water ones though😉)
If you don't get in a bit of exercise get in a nice long walk.
If you do not have a lot to do during the day look for a place to volunteer if you feel comfortable doing that.
And You have been through a war of sorts and good possibility that along with the grief you do have PTSD. Have you talked to someone? There are medications that can help you. Medications are a TOOL not a CRUTCH.
There is such a thing as "sleep hygiene". At the risk of giving you "common" advice, I think you have trained your body into a pattern but the good news is that you can also retrain it into another pattern.
- get exercise every day (but not right before bedtime). Even just a long walk at a brisk pace
- don't drink alcohol after dinner (this one is hard for me but I've learned that it totally disrupts my sleep quality)
- don't eat a large meal later at night
- do things to relax your mind: turn off stressful news or shows after a certain hour; listen to calming music, etc. Give your body time to fully relax.
- take a long soak in a nicely hot tub (or take a shower)
- make sure you have the blue light from devices turned off
- if you wake up in the night resist mental activity because you are bored or frustrated...the more activity you have your mind do, the less likely you are to get it back to a state of sleepiness
- try melatonin (it's not a sleep aid, but it acts as a signal to tell your body it's time to sleep)
If you live with someone, have they ever told you that you snore? If so, you may also have apnea, which would require a sleep study. You've had a rough time, so pamper yourself now for a good long while.