My Dad's recovery is miraculous. However, he failed the Fit to Drive test with next step 'behind the wheel' test with DMV. This was in NJ. Fast forward, move to Florida. He wants to get his FL license and not tell them he failed the test in NJ and not take the behind the wheel test. I have tried to reason with him about safety, etc. He need to establish residency to get his FL license - 6 months... so I've got a little time. Any ideas on how to persuade him to do what's right. He is doing so much better now, he might pass the behind the wheel test. I am not comfortable with him driving without passing that test.
Unfortunately this may end up more work for you.
Good luck
When you contact FLA DMV, get the name and address and title of the person you speak with. Write it down. Then send them a written letter with signature required for delivery, so that you have documentation of your action. That protects you, I think.
AARP does a safe driving for seniors short class and some assessments. A place to get unbiased information for decision making.
A drivers education company might have some resources for him. I'd suggest having a trained professional assess his driving. Keeps you and your sister one step removed.
Framing this as gathering information so that you can all have an idea what is involved might help avoid escalation into open warfare. (If you have adult children, this is a teaching moment for your driving and their responsibility in a couple of decades.
Aging is like adolescence in reverse. This time, losing skills and body changes that are all losses, instead of gaining them. Driver's license is a big deal when you are 16, especially for men.
The Travelers insurance web site might have good information.
And the idea of helping him get familiar with alternate transportation sources now, maybe with you or your sister riding along with him, is great.
Good luck. This is a passage that is hard to navigate.
I also learned from the driving evaluator that in many states anyone can make an anonymous report to the DMV voicing concerns regarding someone's ability to drive and the DMV will request that the person have a driving eval. ( this is the case in Indiana where we live) If the person fails to do so within a certain period of time their license is revoked by the DMV. It may be worth you time to check into the DMV policies/laws in Florida.
While you hate to take such steps and feel like you are sneaking around behind their backs, given the seriousness of having them on the road if they are not safe to be driving, taking these steps maybe necessary.
Think hungry lawyers. If there is any accident, injury or death caused by the driver there is any number of hungry lawyers waiting to empty all your savings, and all your / his estate in a wrongful injury death suit.
Once they search all driving records and DMV records they will subpeonea his past medical and driving records to present their clients need to the jury for deliberation. If he has a failed test and a good lawyers finds it you're done. They can sue to take all he has. And may find you negligent.
Check with your family attorney asap.
I told my mom I wouldn't help her find a new car and I loved her enough to let her be mad at me. Yes it was hard for her to give up driving. It would be even harder if she actually killed anyone.
We helped get senior transportation through the county where she lived and a local charity offered her rides to the store and doctor appointments,
She got over being mad at me quickly because she realized that if she was rude to me, I wouldn't be around.
You can contact the DMV in Florida and explain what happened in NJ. Also make sure all of his medical providers know about it. If he tries to get an exemption from them, they will be liable for damages and won't want to have that happen. You don't have to tell him that you are doing this.
Also, doctors may not be able to tell you anything because of privacy laws, but they can listen to what you tell them.
If he asks you to help him get a car or a license, say no. If he can't do it on his own, then he isn't capable of driving either.
It will help him, if you acknowledge how difficult this is for him and that you will help him get alternate transportation.
BTW, friends, there is a service for seniors who do not use cellphones, called Go Go Grandma, that can summon any available ride company for the elder with just a landline; it's out of San Francisco, operates like a taxi service: you pay a certain (variable) amount and each ride is deducted from the rider's balance, then you 're-up' the plan; elder does not need to even worry about cost of each ride, tips, etc., as long as they have money in their 'chauffeur account'!
Tell them.
Before my mom got sick, she knew of people who wouldn't give up driving, and she told me she'd never endanger herself or others, by doing that, but when Alzheimer's hit, all reasoning went out the window. She could be sneaky; she'd even find the keys that I hid. Maybe you could talk to your dad's doc, and see what he or she suggests. There have been other great suggestion here as well.