My Dad's recovery is miraculous. However, he failed the Fit to Drive test with next step 'behind the wheel' test with DMV. This was in NJ. Fast forward, move to Florida. He wants to get his FL license and not tell them he failed the test in NJ and not take the behind the wheel test. I have tried to reason with him about safety, etc. He need to establish residency to get his FL license - 6 months... so I've got a little time. Any ideas on how to persuade him to do what's right. He is doing so much better now, he might pass the behind the wheel test. I am not comfortable with him driving without passing that test.
Before my mom got sick, she knew of people who wouldn't give up driving, and she told me she'd never endanger herself or others, by doing that, but when Alzheimer's hit, all reasoning went out the window. She could be sneaky; she'd even find the keys that I hid. Maybe you could talk to your dad's doc, and see what he or she suggests. There have been other great suggestion here as well.
Tell them.
BTW, friends, there is a service for seniors who do not use cellphones, called Go Go Grandma, that can summon any available ride company for the elder with just a landline; it's out of San Francisco, operates like a taxi service: you pay a certain (variable) amount and each ride is deducted from the rider's balance, then you 're-up' the plan; elder does not need to even worry about cost of each ride, tips, etc., as long as they have money in their 'chauffeur account'!
I told my mom I wouldn't help her find a new car and I loved her enough to let her be mad at me. Yes it was hard for her to give up driving. It would be even harder if she actually killed anyone.
We helped get senior transportation through the county where she lived and a local charity offered her rides to the store and doctor appointments,
She got over being mad at me quickly because she realized that if she was rude to me, I wouldn't be around.
You can contact the DMV in Florida and explain what happened in NJ. Also make sure all of his medical providers know about it. If he tries to get an exemption from them, they will be liable for damages and won't want to have that happen. You don't have to tell him that you are doing this.
Also, doctors may not be able to tell you anything because of privacy laws, but they can listen to what you tell them.
If he asks you to help him get a car or a license, say no. If he can't do it on his own, then he isn't capable of driving either.
It will help him, if you acknowledge how difficult this is for him and that you will help him get alternate transportation.
Think hungry lawyers. If there is any accident, injury or death caused by the driver there is any number of hungry lawyers waiting to empty all your savings, and all your / his estate in a wrongful injury death suit.
Once they search all driving records and DMV records they will subpeonea his past medical and driving records to present their clients need to the jury for deliberation. If he has a failed test and a good lawyers finds it you're done. They can sue to take all he has. And may find you negligent.
Check with your family attorney asap.
I also learned from the driving evaluator that in many states anyone can make an anonymous report to the DMV voicing concerns regarding someone's ability to drive and the DMV will request that the person have a driving eval. ( this is the case in Indiana where we live) If the person fails to do so within a certain period of time their license is revoked by the DMV. It may be worth you time to check into the DMV policies/laws in Florida.
While you hate to take such steps and feel like you are sneaking around behind their backs, given the seriousness of having them on the road if they are not safe to be driving, taking these steps maybe necessary.
When you contact FLA DMV, get the name and address and title of the person you speak with. Write it down. Then send them a written letter with signature required for delivery, so that you have documentation of your action. That protects you, I think.
AARP does a safe driving for seniors short class and some assessments. A place to get unbiased information for decision making.
A drivers education company might have some resources for him. I'd suggest having a trained professional assess his driving. Keeps you and your sister one step removed.
Framing this as gathering information so that you can all have an idea what is involved might help avoid escalation into open warfare. (If you have adult children, this is a teaching moment for your driving and their responsibility in a couple of decades.
Aging is like adolescence in reverse. This time, losing skills and body changes that are all losses, instead of gaining them. Driver's license is a big deal when you are 16, especially for men.
The Travelers insurance web site might have good information.
And the idea of helping him get familiar with alternate transportation sources now, maybe with you or your sister riding along with him, is great.
Good luck. This is a passage that is hard to navigate.
Unfortunately this may end up more work for you.
Good luck
You might also tell him that getting insurance without passing a test (after failing one) won't be possible. He has to pass the driving test and has to have insurance to drive.
I know every case is different but maybe you should give him a second chance especially as you say he is making such a good recovery. Hope he continues to improve.
Please make sure you stop your dad’s driving days before tragedy occurs. So many of us have gone through the identical situation and have sympathy, but don’t forget, no matter how well your dad improves from his stroke right now, the harsh truth is that you can’t stop his downward trajectory due to aging.
At some point dad’s driving will get worse and worse, and if you haven’t already stopped his driving, an accident will destroy your life as the insured. As MJ1929 pointed out, if there’s an accident and your insurance company realizes you deceived them as to your dad’s driving ability, they won’t cover an accident. The injured party or bereaved relatives will come after you monetarily, and almost assuredly win. Your personal life and future earnings are way more important than your dad’s unhappiness at not being able to drive himself.
I agree with the others - until he gets his license the hard way take him off your insurance.
It's hard to give up driving for some - a loss of independence and another blow to their self esteem. You've got some time to work with him about driving. After the time is up see where things stand. Let him know its not him you're worried about (you know he is a safe drive); its about the other drivers that you are worried about (even if the statement isn't exactly true).
Good Luck.
Give your Dad your own driving test in a big empty parking lot somewhere.
Maybe his recovery is miraculous! Driving is a memory skill like riding a bicycle, however more detailed and nuanced. That means if all those functions work, and he was a good driver before, and all those necessary brain functions are healed and can be demonstrated to function, then maybe he can drive better than most of the yayhoos doing stupid stuff on the road. We shoot for perfection when driving, but the grace of God keeps us alive, because no one is a perfect driver though many are close too.
He wants to drive. Maybe he has asked himself the same questions about is it safe? Safety is ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT, but so is it also important to not throw someone on the "Done" heap. We could all take a moment and put ourselves in the position of the person with the challenge(s). That's really what I'm saying. Of course don't lie. Maybe you don't have that option anyway.
You've got a little time. You don't have to decide today.
Prayer for you and your Dad.