Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
1 2 3
It's apparent in the tone of your question that you're scared as to how this will work out... and I think you know deep down that it's not going to.

You cannot care for your folks AND your three kids. No one could! One group or the other will suffer, and it's a guarantee that you will suffer the most. You'll be the most worn down, anxiety-ridden one of all. When you mentally and/or physically break down from this stress-- and it's certain you will, many people on here have-- who will take care of your family then?

90 and 91 is indeed elderly, but it's not unheard of anymore for people to make it to 100. I know an elder who had been at death's doorstep for YEARS, and yet made it to 102. Can you do this for 10 years? When one parent dies before the other, will you be able to care even more for the grieving remaining parent, while you and your kids are grieving too? Let's say they live 5 more years. I'd assume at least one of your kids will be a teenager by then. The older kids get, the more Mom is driving them and attending their lessons, games, activities, etc. You won't be able to leave either parent alone for any length of time, not even 10 minutes. How will you work that out?

Would you like to go on a family vacation, even a short one, in the next 5-10 years, while kids are able to appreciate it and make fun memories? That isn't going to happen now. You won't be able to leave the parents or take them with you. Who would be able to stay with them for a week while you all left? Likely no one.

Remember when your kids were babies in diapers and all the hands-on work that took? Yes you loved them and did it out of love, but it also wore you out! But the kids grew and got able to do some things on their own. Your parents at this age will become your babies now... and instead of a small human you could cradle in your arms, these are going to be adult-sized people who may resist you taking care of them that way. And it will not get better.

You know deep down this is not what you want to do. It's okay and doesn't make you a bad daughter. You'd be a bad daughter if you didn't care what happened to them. If they deserve the best care possible, you alone can't give that to them.
Helpful Answer (16)
Report
CaregiverL Dec 2019
Loopy, I couldn’t have said it better myself! Perfect honest advice!
(3)
Report
See 2 more replies
I urge you to heed those on this forum who have been there, done that. I take care of my 85 year old mother during the week, shop for/prepare the evening meal, arrange for house-cleaning, home repairs, and take her to doctor appointments. I hired someone to look after her on the weekends. Funny thing is she can do things for herself if it's something she wants to do, like go for lunch with her friends.

I still work full-time. I retire in two years and will move permanently to my own house (about two hours away). I will not take her with me. She will either have to move in with my brother (who ignores her most of the time), or she will have to sell her house and use the proceeds to pay for her care. She even said recently she was willing to take out a reverse mortgage so she doesn't have to move. Whatever! She never cared for her elderly parents when they needed it, had a carefree retirement and did as she pleased leaving their care to her brother. I have adult children and grandchildren, friends, hobbies, and other interests. I am not going to neglect my own life to take care of her.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report
mary13 Dec 2019
Thank you for your response.
(1)
Report
You can prepare by getting them both into Assisted living or memory care..if they are or become violent, then start Medicaid application process for Skilled Nursing Facility (SNF) ...do yourself a favor. Don’t make BIG mistake by taking them in. You really don’t know what you’re in for. Do some reading on this forum....from Caregivers who are burnt out...if they’re still alive. Most caregivers die before the patient they are taking care of...Hugs 🤗
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
mary13 Dec 2019
Thank you for your response. I'm going to contact Medicare and see if there is any help available for them.
(1)
Report
I'm in agreement with the general consensus - you have a great heart but taking on both parents as they are is going to be WAY too much!

Quick fyi in my own situation my parents did not/do not live with me, but for various reasons I won't get into, I still got knocked for a loop. This is despite doing really good ( not perfect lol ) self care. It's the RELENTLESSNESS of having to deal with both and now one parent day after day and on and on on top of other life stuff that really ground me down, I did not anticipate the marathon effect of all of this emotional stress. Don't have this happen to you!

If it's one thing I've learned the past 3 years, it's that no matter what the effort, some situations are just going suck. There's no getting around the lousiness of some things and no way some parents will ever be satisfied. But what one CAN do, is to try to pick options that are going to be LESS BAD all around than the other options. I'm sorry this isn't exactly inspirational, but it is doable! I don't know if the situation with your parents will ever be good, but I highly recommend choosing a road with the least possible amount of personal suffering all around.

Truly wishing you the best!!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
mary13 Dec 2019
Thank you for your response. I can only do my best to care for them. I know it will be a difficult situation, I am preparing my family for this too.
(0)
Report
Has Mary13 responded to anyone?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2019
Don’t think so. Kind of disappeared.
(1)
Report
See 4 more replies
It's one thing if you have a back house for them, and they have 24 hr. professional care. That might work. But otherwise they need another place.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
mary13 Dec 2019
Thank you for your response. They didn't prepare for their future and have no money for any kind of care.
(3)
Report
Mary, if they own their own home you could sell it and use that money to get them care while you are applying for public assistance.

Please get a needs assessment done by the local area on aging before you make this huge move. It will help you understand what you are facing and they can direct you to services that will help your parents.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
anonymous912123 Dec 2019
Yes, same as I suggested, she seems to be stuck on her one thought process. There are avenues to be investigated, selling the home and possibly Medicaid. They are like so many that did not plan for their senior years, Medicaid has been a lifesaver for many.
(4)
Report
Mary, that sound you hear is our collective sign of relief to read that you are reconsidering. Our advice to see an elder care lawyer, get a needs assessment, and pursue LongTerm Care Medicaid (not Medicare) still holds true. You’ve got time to get the wheels moving. What state are you/they in? Do they own their house? There may be posters that can give more specific advice.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Mary13....please read all the responses to your dilemma. And read them again if you need to. If your parents refuse to get their paperwork(wills, finances,POA for finances and medical) i would never take them into my home. This is a recipe for disaster.... the wise and wonderful people on this forum have been thru the fire.....please take to heart their advice. Wishing you all the best....
Helpful Answer (13)
Report
pamzimmrrt Dec 2019
I agree, with no POA or other paperwork, this would be a no go for me!.. But my first thought was run away as fast as you can! My Fil is 96, and still chugging along.. this can last a LONG time. And my mom now lives with hubs and I , and things are getting.. not ugly but on its way.. She can be a pistol
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
“I can only do my best to care for them. I know it will be a difficult situation, I am preparing my family for this too.”

Okay then. Time to write a reality check.

So basically, you have already decided to take them in. The advice you sought was not what you wanted to hear.

You’re hoping your situation will be the exception and turn out fine. I admire the optimism, but you’re being foolish to not heed these warnings.

You will sacrifice your own family because your parents never thought about their future. They expected you and your brother to just step in and pay for it all and so what if it hurts? That isn’t love! It’s arrogant and selfish. And you’re about to show your own kids a lesson that they will take to adulthood and their own marriages:

1. That their feelings don’t matter.
2. That it’s okay to put your family last, as long as it makes you feel less guilty and less like a bad child.
3. That it’s okay to be a doormat.
4. That even if they have their own family, they should expect their parents to take over anytime.

You may think you’re doing the noble thing by taking them in, but you aren’t. You’re actually punishing your family for your parents’ lack of planning and sense of entitlement. You’re making your husband, marriage and kids suffer so you can feel like a good daughter and not feel guilty. How is this noble?
Helpful Answer (16)
Report
anonymous912123 Dec 2019
Loopy...one of the best responses I have ever read...you have nailed it! She has made up her mind, and there is nothing we can do. I doubt that she has even read all the posts as now she says she will contact Medicare and see what is available...posters have advised her...no Medicare it is Medicaid. There is no doubt that her children will resent her, starting with giving up their room. She has called her parents stubborn, the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree has it!
(7)
Report
See 3 more replies
Mary, I would contact the area on aging, Medicare is not the place to seek information on resources, it is health insurance.

Do a Google search for area on aging, senior resources for their community.

This truly is the best resource to help you help them.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I agree with the other people that while you are a loving and caring daughter, I do not think that you have any idea of what is going to happen to your family (your husband and your three children) once your parents come to live with you. Your brother is correct that your parents need more than one person to take care of them. How many people in your household will be taking care of your parents when they move in? JUST ONE—YOU!!! 

Please go to these “Aging” or “Senior Care” websites and assess/determine what type and how much assistance your parents currently need and will need in the future as their health declines further. Please do this PRIOR to their move into your home.

https://www.seniorhomes.com/impacts-of-aging/

https://www.seniorhomes.com/activities-of-daily-living/
(It is very important that you know which ADLs (activities of daily living) that your parents can and cannot do by themselves or need assistance with prior to them moving into your house. You WILL have to MODIFY your house to accommodate THEIR needs such as first floor bedroom and bathroom, railings so that they can get into your house, furniture that they can get into and out of safely, NO area rugs, No toys on the floor. ETC.)

https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/home-modifications/how-to-pay-for-home-mods
(Home modifications are physical changes made to one’s home to accommodate for the changing needs of the elderly or disabled, to enable aging in place. As we age, our mobility and physical strength diminish and many aspects of a home that were once functional become difficult. Home modifications can be as simple as changing water faucet handles from knobs to levers or as comprehensive as the construction of an accessory apartment or elder cottage on the property.)

https://www.sageminder.com/Caregiving/CaregivingBasics/ADLAssessment.aspx
(How to Tell if an Elderly Person Needs More Care at Home)

http://www.canhr.org/RCFE/html/rcfe_assess_need.htm
(Assessment of Need for Community Services & Out-of-Home Placement-- The questions in this guide provide a framework to evaluate the effectiveness of a person’s formal supports (In-Home Supportive Services, case management, etc.), informal supports (family members, friends) and care needs.)

https://assistedlivinglocators.com/senior-needs-assessment-quiz
(Gives you a general recommendation for which type of housing or care may be most appropriate for your loved one.)

https://www.caring.com/senior-living/assisted-living/
(Caring.com discusses several different areas of senior living and is another excellent reference for you to consider BEFORE you move your parents into your house.)

https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/types
Types of Senior Care: Definitions and Comparisons

It is EXTREMELY important that your parents designate POAs for financial and medical/health care and write a will (especially if they own any property or business). If your parents continue to refuse to designate POAs, you or your brother will have to petition the courts to be your parents' guardians. This is a lengthy and expensive option, but if your parents refuse to designate POAs, then it may become the ONLY option so that your brother or you can give your parents the best care possible/available.

Your FIRST priority is to TAKE CARE of YOUR FAMILY--YOUR HUSBAND and YOUR CHILDREN. You can assist your parents in finding the best living arrangement for them, but your home/house is NOT the best place for your parents to live.
Helpful Answer (13)
Report
notrydoyoda Dec 2019
Aaaaammmeeen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(7)
Report
What can you do to prepare? DONT DO IT!!!!!
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

I left out all the words and all the fluff. The short answer is DON’T LET THEM MOVE IN WITH YOU!! I said it loud enough for the people in the back to hear. They could live well past 100.
Helpful Answer (18)
Report

To ready your home for a senior with dementia, I suggest considering the following:

(1) Even if your senior doesn't use a walker or wheelchair, adding a railing or vertical grab bar at the threshold can be very useful. Seniors often have balance or vision problems that complicate a simple threshold step over even without any mobility problems.

(2) Can you easily add an entrance ramp when needed? Ideally you need one foot of length for every one inch of drop. There are aluminum ramps with handrails available for temporary placement.

(3) Doorways need to be at least 32 inches for a narrow wheelchair or a walker; 36 inches is better.

(4) Brighter lights for your hallway, maybe with a battery backup feature. I purchased some led light bulbs with an included battery for the bedroom, hall and bathroom. The battery charges while the electricity is on and can run the light for several hours if there's a power outage.

(5) Remove runners and other small rugs from the home to reduce tripping hazards.

(6) A digital safe large enough to place purses, keys, eyeglasses, medications, firearms, hunting knives, jewelry, or anything else you might not want a dementia patient to be able to access or move.

(7) Water proof mattress pads and pee pod washable pads to protect the bed and furniture from incontinence issues.

(8) Adjustable beds with the ability to raise the entire bed to aid seniors with standing from the bed and you when linen needs changing. You may want to also consider a bed side assist/arm where 2 bars slide under the mattress and 2 feet rest on the floor. There's a similar product you can place in chairs or couches to provide chair "arms" to assist a senior in rising.

(9) A lift chair recliner, particularly if your LOs have shoulder issues or need to regain strength after a fall or surgery. A senior can regain leg strength and balance by standing from an increasing lower chair seat level and performing basic balance exercises while standing in front of the chair and using a walker for balance support.

(10) Some kind of monitor to help you keep an ear out. I use a vtech baby monitor with an intercom feature. It has a nice range so I can hear my mother call out when I in the yard and the intercom lets me tell her I'm on my way back to her. You may want to consider a fall detection personal monitor too. When my grandmother (without any dementia) fell and broke her shoulder, she was wearing a panic button around her neck, but she didn't push the button for at least an hour. We never knew whether she was unconscious from fall of in so much pain she didn't remember the button for a while.

(11) In addition to grab bars in the bath, consider using them in other locations where your senior speeds time or does transitions. I installed grab bars and handrails in my mother's bedroom too.

(12) Make sure the bathroom includes a good heater. I replaced my bathroom light with a light/fan/heater combo. The heater in the ceiling is safer, particularly for a small bath. Seniors often like a very warm bathroom when bathing.

(13) Can you turn a walker or wheelchair in the bathroom? You might need to consider replacing a vanity with a pedestal sink to create more foot room. I also installed wall mounted grab bars on each side of the toilet that fold up against the wall when not in use. Being able to retract the toilet grab bars provided more room for the shower transfer chair when we used it.

(14) I highly recommend the Carousel Sliding Transfer Bench with Swivel Seat. Premium PADDED Bath and Shower Chair with Pivoting Arms. Space Saving Design for Tubs and Shower. Your LO can sit down in the chair seat with both feet on the bathroom floor, then the seat rotates through 90 degrees and slides into the tub as you swing their legs over the bathtub wall. The chair arms provide hold points for the senior while the chair is in motion to help them feel secure, but can be retracted as needed during the bath.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2019
I know the OP has decided against parents moving in but your advice is spot on. Our house became like a private nursing home of sorts when mom was here. The elderly require lots of care and equipment needed to keep things running as smoothly as possible.
(4)
Report
See 2 more replies
DON'T DO IT!

But, IF it is a foregone conclusion that they will be moving in, you MUST, MUST, MUST have help from outside agencies or you will burn out and quickly!!!

Most pharmacies have the service where pills are already separated into little packs separated by date and time. Many pharmacies charge little or nothing for this service.

You can go onto Craigslist or FB Marketplace and find hospital beds, hoyer lifts, pretty much any type of durable medical equipment at bargain prices. The beds and the lifts are very important because you will injure yourself pulling and tugging on them.

It would be a tremendous help to you to have someone coming in daily to help them shower and dress. That is frequently the extremely time consuming issue.
If your father starts wandering, sun-downing or becoming violent, you need to commit to sending him elsewhere as these types of situations are often what drives caregivers up the wall.

Lastly, do NOT get caught up in the trap of doing everything for them and jumping to their every beck and call. This is what causes caregivers to NEVER get any sleep! Elderly people "party all night" and think nothing of waking the house at 3:00 a.m. to "bring me a glass of water" or "come find the remote."

Also realize and accept that you CANNOT COMPLETELY PREVENT your father from falling. If he is at the stage in his life that he falls frequently, you cannot prevent it. You can do a lot of things to lessen the likelihood, but anything short of wrapping him from head to toe in thick padding or sitting 1 foot from him 24/7 and watching and waiting for his every move so that you may catch him, you cannot 100% stop it from happening.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Hi Mary13,

I am a mother, age 75, of two adult children, who is concerned for you, husband and children, I am looking into Independent/assisted living/full care facilities for myself SO my children will not be faced with what your parents are doing to you and your brother. Where is their love and concern for you and your brother and your families? I want to avoid putting my children in that situation because I love them to much to leave them with such a burden as to where and how I should live out my life, My children do not live close to me and it would be a burden and hardship on them and my grands and greatgrands to ask them to sacrifice their relationships to care for me when there are perfectly good facilities that can provide for companionship with other seniors (my emotional welfare) and physical needs. One of the facilities offers medicaid auto transfer to those who began residency as private pay when their money runs out, I stayed in one facility for rehab for a month and it was awesome, My husband also was in a facility for a time and he like it as well. Many seniors reject the idea without actually looking into a facility, but once they are living there, the majority of seniors say it was the best decision they ever made.

Good luck and I encourage you to find a facility that will accommodate their current needs and any future health issues they may be facing. In the long run, you would be doing them a very big favor finding them a good facility. These new senior living facilities are not like the old nursing homes of the past. And remember, your parents do not need a lot of money, Medicaid is exactly set up to help those who no longer have the ability to financially care for themselves.
Helpful Answer (12)
Report
Zdarov Dec 2019
What a great reply, it’s so good to hear. Wishing you the best!
(0)
Report
for a senior with dementia continued...

(15) You may want a security system to alert you if you LOs leave the house or a security camera in a common area of the home so you can verify they are doing well while you are out of the home.

(16) At some point you are absolutely going to need some respite care, whether that's a few hours so you can attend a child's event or a few days for a family vacation or even so someone can take care of one parent while you attend to the other at a doctor's office, PT visit, or ER trip. Please contact your local Area Agency on Aging (AAA) and see what programs or services your parents qualify to receive. Please do not make the assumption like I did that because your parents have resources they will be disqualified from need based criteria; some programs are only based on medical need and/or current income. Many times local ALs provide a few days respite care on a bed available basis. You will probably want to enroll your parents at a couple of places so one will have beds available when you need them.

(17) You will need childcare options too. Children cannot be left alone with dementia patients, at the very least until they develop the emotional maturity to understand what a broken brain means and to cope with any hateful words or actions. They may to be able to physically retreat. My father's vascular dementia created a very aggressive and abusive person who told family members they didn't deserve to carry the family name or he wanted them to die in painful manners and he threw objects across the room. My mother's MCI with short term memory problems has not changed her sweet personality at all. I would not leave even teenagers alone with my father. My 5 year old grand-nephew enjoys daily visits with his great-grandmother showing her his coloring projects and building lego creations on a table in her room while I'm cooking or cleaning in another part of the house and listening in with the baby monitor.

(18) You are going to need develop stress relief methods. Short term daily routines like deep breaths and enjoying a cup of coffee on a porch/deck or maybe a long soaking bath. Longer term ones for a long weekend vacation with your husband and maybe the children.

I helped my mother care for my father with vascular dementia for over a decade before placing him in MC when he required 24/7 care. My mother has lived with me nearly 4 years and was very independent until a fall in Sep 2018 badly damaged her knee; now she relies on a walker and needs assistance with simple things like putting her shoes on and bathing. At some point, I have personally used or addressed every one of the 18 considerations I listed.

I read in one response you are looking at granny pods and I completely endorse a separate nearby residence is better, as I lived across the street from my parents during much of my father's descent into dementia. You can provide direct care for your parents, but it is going to be a difficult balancing act with your own life, marriage, and child rearing responsibilities. Many people on this site started helping their LOs with simple things like housekeeping or shopping and ended up providing full time hands on direct care for an invalid without really making a choice or understanding the impacts on their own life and health. Consider carefully and develop a plan for helping resources so your own life can continue. You, your marriage, and your children's needs for a mother's time and attention matter too. Being an advocate and frequent visitor to parents in an AL may be the best choice for the whole family, even if your parents receive a slightly lower standard of care initially while they have a higher level of function. The only certainty in caring for seniors is their capabilities will decline and their care needs will increase.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

I know this thread is long but buried in it last night Mary responded
“Thank you, you are right and reading all these responses has made me change my mind.”

I hope she sticks to that.
Helpful Answer (19)
Report

I feel bad for the OP’s husband and daughter. The OP is putting her parents first instead of her husband and daughter.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
anonymous912123 Dec 2019
Truth!
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
I am glad to read the response from Mary 13, that she has changed her mind about this in response to disgustedtoo on Dec 20, 2019 many hours ago.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
worriedinCali Dec 2019
I was glad to see that too!!!

OP HAS CHANGED HER MIND! THANKS ALL OF YOU WHO GAVE HER A REALITY CHECK!
(14)
Report
See 2 more replies
Yay!!! I am so glad OP changed her mind!!! We all must have gotten through to her!!!!!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
anonymous994940 Dec 2019
You need to get in touch with your local aging agency.
In Texas we have "" Medicaid,""" not Medicare, they will pay for your parents to be in Assisted Living if they have a very small income and a very small number of assets.
Dont take them into your home, I know it's for love but it's a horrible situation to care for elderly who are stubborn and eventually don't know you!
Please get local aging help, it will be best for you and family.
Im 81 and have Alzheimers husband who is 84, I'm placing him in Memory Care after Jan 1st as I just can't give him care he needs. Love doesn't help in these cases, you need physical help.
(9)
Report
So glad you have heeded all the great advice given here.

Regardless of whether your parents get their paperwork in order, there is way too much other complicated situations going on here for you to consider moving your elderly parents into your home.

Your household would be irrevocably damaged if you took them in. They need waaay too much care.

Your poor brother is burnt out and this should be a huge signal to you that this is not doable.

You will figure out how to help them without ruining your marriage or your relationship with your children.
Helpful Answer (17)
Report

You should call the state aging agency to report self neglect to get them involved. Work with them to get a court ordered guardian...Or, petition to be their guardian and take them to an assisted living facility (the guardian handles their finances for them when they are unable to care for themselves). I would not invite them into your home with 3 children. How will you be able to handle it all, especially if they are resistant to help?
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Keep working at getting the power of attorney.
If, indeed, they do move in you will need help. At the very least carve out some respite time for you once a week. You will burn out quickly. Find volunteers or find a way to pay a caregiver to come in so you can a break. As much as you love them you will need it.

Seek our caregiver support groups or agencies that can help you through this.

Bless you for what you are about to do. It’s going to be tough. It’s going to take a village.
I don’t mean to sound heartless. I speak from experience and I loved my folks so much.

Good luck and accept any help anyone can give you!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

You truly are thinking you are doing the best thing and this is the only option available to you. But as you can see from reading all these responses..it is not the only option.
love of one's parents does not trump all and solve everything. You can not go into,this thinking that if you just fix up your home and provide a bedroom for them things wills work out.
my dad moved into a facility near me, first IL, then AL, and now LTC. I was retired, no children at home, and it was still hard and stressful as things went south.
add the fact that you are a young mom with kids at home and possibly working?? You’ve not a clue what life is going to be like and my dear, it WILL all fall on you. This is called the "sandwich generation". Rethink this and find other options. You are responsible TO but not FOR your parents. That is the bottom line. Pull off the blinders and make different plans.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
notrydoyoda Dec 2019
Mary 13, has changed her mind about this in response to disgustedtoo on Dec 20, 2019
(0)
Report
Wow Mary, you have your plate full. Not sure where to begin. It will be very hard to live around them as your brother discovered. This will only get wore and possibly put a strain on your own family.. Did they leave a home? if so, you may want to consider having a live in caregiver(s). Often living quarters can be traded for a good portion of pay. In the meantime, try to find a non profit or pro bono lawyer if possible to address the legal things you mention. Unfortunately,a lot of your issues as with everyone boils down to money. Well, here are some hints you may want to look at;

https://www.elderlawanswers.com/how-to-prepare-when-elderly-parents-move-in-with-adult-children-5446https://www.elderlawanswers.com/how-to-prepare-when-elderly-parents-move-in-with-adult-children-5446https://www.elderlawanswers.com/how-to-prepare-when-elderly-parents-move-in-with-adult-children-5446
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This is not a good idea
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

What you are describing is a very difficult decision. Does your town have a Division of Aging or Aging Matters? Check with a Senior Center who may guide you to the appropriate agency. Do this BEFORE you move your parents to your home. While it is partially your responsibility to make sure your parents are well-cared for, it is not your responsibility to do it personally in your home.

This is a huge step. You are young with a young family. Both your parents sound as if they will require a great deal of assistance and supervision. At the very least, you need in-house help coming in which may be converted by Medicare. But assisted living or a nursing home may be more appropriate. I won’t lie and say this, too, won’t be an adjustment and time-consuming. But I would really think Scott making my family move out of their rooms AND share personal space with your parents.

i speak from experience... but I shared a home with my parents for 20 years. We all have our own personal space and have had for years. My mom passed several years ago. My dad lives at home but requires supervision as he falls. His health habits are gross, he does not stay on a routine, he has become increasingly dependent on us as he can’t drive and has mobility issues. He’s unhappy, we’re stressed, and I think we both feel stuck... and we shared a household for many years.

i would thoroughly research options. You sound like a responsible daughter. However, taking in all the caregiving is something that you really need to discuss with an agency or counselor versed in giving care to the elderly.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Have you tried In Home Support Services (IHSS) they will come and asses the situation at your parents home and evaluate them each for a number of hours monthly ( they do need to meet a need and low income). But they will help with everything thing from doctors appointments to light cleaning laundry help with meds, grocery shopping etc. Then there’s meals on wheels to make sure they are getting at least one cooked meal a day. Alt least try this before you move them.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Annessister Dec 2019
All the in- home help in the world will not stop Mary 13 from "losing her mind" at times, and losing sleep every night to assist her parents. Everyone in Mary's home will be negatively affected by her parents moving in. Mary needs to save herself and her family. These parents need to be in group homes because they are too needy for a mom with children to care for. She needs to contact social services and see what arrangements outside of her home can be found.
(10)
Report
See 1 more reply
1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter