I joined because I was taking care of my mom, but my aging in-laws came into focus in the last couple of years as well. My MIL (93), an incredibly kind person, passed away in March. My FIL (87) is still around. Before she died, he was (with my husband's help) taking care of her. She was the household manager. She kept things tidy, paid the bills, did the taxes. Six months before she died, he began exhibiting signs of needing help too. He had a car accident, a couple of blown tires, and the home was starting to look uncharacteristically dirty and cluttered. At that point she spent most of her day sleeping in her recliner.
One day he just wouldn't get out of bed. He just refused and said he was fine and didn't want to go to the doctor despite not feeling well. When he refused to get out of the bed the next day (he was also saying some pretty crazy things), the hubs called an ambulance and he spent the next few days in the hospital with a UTI and prostate issue. He couldn't pass the swallowing test and refused any additional intervention and was sent home on hospice which ended three months later once he was fine.
When MIL died, the hubs and I did not feel he could live alone without help. He was forgetting to refill medications, missing doses, not handling the finances, not taking care of the home, and he was falling for people who call on the phone. He also had a fall out in the neighborhood while walking. We decided that the best course for him would be to move in with him and hubs stays with his dad all day.
Moving with us were our two cats. He's had a cat before. He talks fondly of that cat. He pets the neighbor's cat that comes to his back door. For some reason, he keeps chasing our cats. He corners them and makes sudden movements at them, shuffles his feet at them, shakes the chair when they are under the table to scare them, and claps at them. He keeps saying he's going to put them outside. He will then try to pet them, and says he wants them to like him. He meows at them (literally, he says "meow"). The cats are terrified of him. We asked him to stop, he said he thought it was funny. The hubs tells him not to do it, "I will if I want to". And then he plays dumb like he doesn't understand. "Really? You're not supposed to do that? Gee, I'm just a dumb old man. I don't know". I don't get it. And I'm at a loss. I know he likes his bits of what he thinks is funny. The husband says that when I'm not there he's better, but he amps up the behavior when I'm home to get a reaction out of me. I can't ignore him bullying a defenseless animal.
We moved in to help him so he wouldn't have to pay for caregiving help and preserve his resources. It was for his benefit not ours. We were happy in our own home. Now I dread going home from work every day. Any insight would be helpful. How do I get this guy to stop bullying these two very sweet cats? If he'd stop terrifying them, with time they'd probably come sit in his lap.
Its not the cats per se. The cats = you.
If you and those pussies were gone, his life would be just great.
It would be just him and his son in his home.
I think here could be the tipping point for your marriage. On just Whose side IF to came down to the nut cut, would hubs take? If you said to hubs that it was a mistake to move there and you want to find a new home or apt for just you & hubs, would hubs do it?
If this is how he interacts with animals then he shouldn't be around them, own them, period.
Animals feed off of their humans vibes, that's the hard thing to get over, not feeding the behaviors by being upset, it only increases it. As the posters stated.
I do fear that his aggressiveness could turn to a kick, or him even just opening the back door and turning them loose.
I agree, this has to stop. The hubs has agreed to schedule him for an evaluation for dementia. Perhaps there is something going on medically we're not aware of that is contributing to the inappropriate behavior. We have to do something, though.
That he says hes a stupid old man is his response to being told how to treat the cats. He has probably always treated his animals more aggressively than others. It is only inappropriate because the cats aren't his and they don't all know one another well enough to play so rough.
My husband and our shepherd box, some people would find the behavior horrific, but she starts it most of the time and gives as good as she gets. I don't want anyone else playing this way with her, she wouldn't know how to take it from someone else.
Is it possible to get him his own kitty that he can train to play with him? He's not hurting them, just scaring them and I know they are your fur babies, so don't mess with them.
It has to be difficult to be corrected for your behavior when you don't see anything wrong with it. He may feel like he is being accused of not knowing how to treat a cat and in reality we all treat our animals differently, doesn't mean it's wrong or inappropriate, just different.
I would seriously consider getting him his very own and then letting him treat it how he wants as long as he's not hurting it. Cats have 20 little claws to correct behaviors they don't like, that's not including a mouth full of sharp pins to help get the message across.
I hope you find a solution that works for all, I really would not take his treatment as a passive aggressive strike at you.
I think you should get him declared unfit and begin letting him know that if it's him or the cats, he is the one that should leave.
I think his motive is to play, not bully. He just doesn't know how to go about it with strange cats.
And yes I did tell a guest to leave my house when they behaved inappropriately with my cats. I also reprimanded my late stepdad’s daughter when she got uppity with Mum’s dog.
Example, at my home when the door bell rings, one cat nose dives under the bed... the other cat will go to the front door and reach up trying to open the storm door. Had the FedEx driver laughing when he was delivering a Chewy box.
Do the cats have a hiding place when Dad starts to act up? They need to have a "safe place". Dad probably won't change his ways, as he thinks the cats enjoy him doing that. Stress can cause high blood pressure in cats, so the next time they are at the Vet ask him/her to check their blood pressure.
The cat he had was an indoor/outdoor cat. He was a kitten when my husband brought it home to them, so probably more fun. Ours are 6, and while they still play they are not as playful or rambunctious as a kitten. That cat did get older though. Oddly, he was recently complaining that the cats were growling outside his door, but I explained that one of our cats gets seriously into her play when tossing a toy around and does growl ... at the toy, not the door. We do not let our cats outdoors. Its just healthier and safer for them.
I'll have to ask about the BP issue.