My mom, 86, fell and is now in rehab. Any advice?

Hi there, sorry to hear about your mom. I agree with those saying to have your mom come home. My dad went in to the hospital and then a SNF (declined tremendously w/in a short amount of time). I pulled him out. If I had to do over again, i would have brought him straight home. Not all SNFs are a bad experience but ours was, sadly. I would put her palliative & hire caregivers to monitor her well being. Dementia does unveil itself & it is a journey. I recommend this site. Everyone on here has been of great support! & the articles are great resources. Wishing you well.

Try to get her out of there ASAP!!! There is so much neglect and abuse in these places. Look into home therapy and care while she is recovering.

Hi, first of all I am so sorry for You and your family. I went threw something like this with my Mother. So check the rating of the facility she’s in. Reviews, state ect. Know that the squeaky wheel gets the oil here! Be known to everyone at that facility! Yes when someone who has been Independant , in there own home , goes into a facility it’s an institution no matter how pretty they look it is what it is. When you have a large population of people/ patients it’s the way it’s done. Most important ( and I can not stress this enough!) take care of YOU! Because don’t forget, if you go down then you will be NO help at all to them! Make sure also ALL paperwork’s are in order! ( Wills, trusts ect) No one wants to think about it but if your Mother becomes unable to cognitively sign things there will be heartache like you won’t want to belive! I wish there was a magic answer I could provide. Visit your Mom encourage, support, validate her feelings and live her. Same with Sibling. Seek out as much help as you can there are people that will even visit . You must be exhausted. I know it is absolutely heart breaking know that as difficult as this is you are doing the right thing it doesn’t feel like it because it hurts so. Keep asking for assistance and reaching out for support, I hope You , your Mom and Sister are able to get healthy and back home. God bless to You all.

Many will tell you to bring your mother home as soon as you possibly can. From my experience, that should not be considered. You say she is constantly calling you from her bed? Just imagine having that go on during your sleep times. Sleep deprivation is a classic modern-day form of torture. I have been dealing with this for two years now. By dealing with it, I mean I have not had uninterrupted sleep now for more than two hours in two years. I am now a zombie, as you will be. Yes, there is a good chance there will be some abuse in any institution but you will find yourself to be called an abuser by her in short order too. I have outside help for 6 hrs per day for three days per week. Trust me, it's not near enough. You are facing the hardest time of your life, I understand. You also must protect your well-being if there is any way you can afford it.

It sounds to me like you need the help of a therapist to get through this. It's a very difficult situation with your sis having mental illness and your mum having mood swigs and calling constantly. It's the old "put your oxygen on first before trying to help others".

It sounds like your mother belongs in a facility with 24/7 professional care. Ask the rehab people for an evaluation as to where she should go. Obviously your sister is not the right person to care for her, and, I believe her care is beyond you too.

Do either of you have POA?

mamadrama: Perhaps you could benefit from a therapist. It is IMPERATIVE that you take care of yourself, else you cannot care for someone else successfully.

So you have your hands full, and thats just the tip of the ice cream! I know its Ice burg but I think you should have an ice cream as a small reward for yourself. My mom who was 77 fell little over a year ago at a local hospital, she was hurt so bad and your post brought back all those memories. So fresh I could write a manuscript of the events. I am just a simple girl in NW GA with no formal medical knowledge , no physical therapy training, I might qualify as a bad CNA. but after her discharge from the hospital, I was thrown into all the above as well as dietary, laundry and housekeeping. I'm so sorry, as I'm writing I realize I dont have any real advice. Yet I feel compelled to say something. My mom doesn't remember any of the events, due to brain injury and still struggles with pockets of memory loss. I too was informed how these type injuries could bring the onset of dememtia. I quit my job to take care of her. We made it thru living on her SSI check, yes times were lean but we had each other. I know she was so tired of me and my ignorance but somehow she survived. And I'm a better person for having to go through it all. I know she was hurt but those events were very traumatizing to me. I would wake up in the night running through the house crying. only to realize I had to be dreaming. Yes ma'am, buckets o tears indeed but we come thru and you will as well. Just know down the road there's a light, and each day the darkness will give way a little more. Thats not anything that my feeble brain tumbled out but omage to one of my favorite songs. BLACK GIVES WAY TO BLUE by LILY CORNELL SILVER. My dad had passed away just months before her accident to make our situation even more eventful, and that song seems to have healing properties. anyway I've rambled enough with no real advice. I hope you and your family come out in the light. I wish for you only to take one day at a time, lifes details have a way of filling each day. Months will have passed before you know it. I hope you can find a song that will lift and carry you through. Your stronger than you know.
With Love Sheila S
P.S. and some ice cream

Oh my, you have your hands full. However, you can do this...

First, put away your fears about your Mom. This is so that you can concentrate on the here and now. Listen to your Mom, really listen. Keep her focused on her recovery. Talk to her about what will be happening the next day. Talk about the future. Ask her about her expectations. Do not dismiss them. Talk to her and remind her of what she needs to do to get to those goals. (If she has a lot of pain, get the pain managed. It is very hard to concentrate or remember about getting well if you are constantly in severe pain.)

Talk to the PT to see if there are any exercises you can do with her to speed her recovery. I totally get that your Mom is afraid of falling (that is normal). Exercise with her to improve her core and her balance. Learn to use the gait belt. Don't think about the short term memory loss. If you are going through a traumatic event, you wouldn't behave rationally all the time either. Work with her so that you can transfer her to/from the wheelchair and the car so that YOU feel safe doing so. The PT/OT at the rehab hospital should be showing you this. Watch the PT/OT person work with your Mom. Watch how they handle her. Watch what they are teaching her. Try to reinforce those movements while you are there with her. Bring her some nutritious food from the outside. Foods high in Vitamin C are good.

Get a book and start a diary. Record her mood. Record what you see. Record what PT/OT did today. Record what happened today. With the entries, you can see if there are any correlations, and it is a great way to be able to see what has worked in the past and what hasn't worked. (BTW, don't expect "instant" changes...it might take 2-3 days or more before you see some improvement in an area.)

At the 2 rehab hospitals that my Mom attended, they both had social workers and patient coordinators (advocates?). These were the people who were non-medical, who could assist you in getting help and future assistance for your Mom. Record in the diary any pointers they have and use the diary to help you follow up on any actions you need to take. Don't rely on your memory. You may need to remember these things days, weeks or months later.

Do you have to do anything for your sister? If so, get a diary and record everything you need to do, or have done. If anything, this diary will be good if you need to get outside help.

And yes, a therapist to help you through this stressful time of your life is a good idea. The social worker or patient coordinator at the rehab hospital might have some names to try.

Diaper is good for now. However, if getting out of a diaper is a realistic goal for her, she will need to learn how to get from bed to toilet quickly and without falling. Remind your Mom of that.

Don't accept what the internet says as the absolute truth. What you read on the internet can limit your thoughts. Your Mom is a unique person. You are a unique person. Between the 2 of you, you can be part of the 5% that is the exception to the rule....but only if you listen closely and don't limit your thinking.

Don't pick up on her anxiety. You need to be the steady, rational person.

At 97, my Mom fell and had 2 screws put into her upper leg. Statistics would have had her dead within 1 year. After I got a different PT, she was able to walk with a walker without a gait belt, and she celebrates her 101 birthday this year. One year after the fall, she didn't remember much of her time in the rehab hospital except that the food was good (while she was in the hospital, she complained a lot about how bad the food was).

You can do this....one day at a time, one foot in front of the other....concentrate on your Mom. Put aside your own fears and limitations and work toward getting her back to where you and she want to be.

Since your mom is having anxiety, please talk to her doctor about medications to help calm her. She may only need these medications until she recovers enough to go home or gets settled into a new living arrangement (depends on her progress and doctor's recommendations). Also, decide on which day(s) and time(s) you can visit your mom. Stick to those day(s) and time(s) and "remind" her frequently of when you will come to visit.

Get sister to see her psychiatrist to evaluate and treat her own mental health issues. If sister is not competent to live on her own, she may need new living arrangements - based on doctor's recommendations. Be supportive of the plan of care set out for her. Decide on which types of help you are able to give her. Communicate this to her and stick to your decisions.

Make sure to connect with loving, supportive people on a regular basis. A listening ear, a compassionate heart, and the occasional shoulder will help relieve some of this stress.

Your mother is in Rehab for a reason. Rehab placement implies an expectation of imrovement, so her doctors may be expecting some amount of recovery. She is being taken care of and the Rehab facility should be guarding agains her falling. If Rehab helps her regain strength and condfidence, she will be less afraid of falling as time goes on. The trauma of the fall, and the hosptial if she was hospitalized, may be contributring to her confusion and anxiety.
Don't think too far ahead. Be glad she is being taken care of for now and give Rehab a little time to watch for improvement. Don't plan on your sister's help. You do not need to visit your mother every day. Do the things that have to be done one day at a time. If your mother is participating in rehap and showing progress, he stay will probably be paid for for 20 or 30 days. You can re-assess the stiruation during that time.

My 88 mother in law has fallen & broken her femur 3 times in the past 2 years. Each time she’s had surgery it’s brought her overall condition a little lower physically & mentally. After surgery #2 we brought her home. She spent the next 2 months in a hospital bed. She was completely out of it mentally, but after 2 months she regained her mental abilities & was basically herself again. Home health did rehab, and she learned to walk with the support of a Walker. My father in law was her primary caregiver. But he had a lot of help! During the first 6 weeks post-surgery #2, my husband lived with his parents. He is strong & did the heavy lifting. We also had a wonderful caregiver who came in about 20 hrs. per week. For fall #3 it was more of the same, except everyone knew how to handle it better. My husband & I didn’t have to stay more than the first week. The others who’ve pointed out the effects of hospitalizations on the elderly are 100% right. After each surgery she reacts poorly. We wish she could have stayed in rehab at the care facility, but it soon became clear to our family that we’d lose her mentality if she stayed the recommended 6 weeks. So she came home. One day at a time. Now, 5 months later she is basically herself again, although with each accident she becomes less able to walk. I am glad to say that with a lot of love, prayers, and persistence, she is better. She says, “I don’t remember what happened to me, but I am feeling like myself again.” The best thing that cheered her up during the darkest days was getting 2 kittens. Their purring, cuddling & comic relief helped so much! My MIL is now in outpatient physical therapy & is willing to work hard to become as active as possible. She is an inspiration to me! Don’t give up hope, but be realistic about the intense level of care needed.