My 91 y/o mother passed away early this morning after suffering with dementia and a host of medical problems. She is at peace, as am I. I have been her champion, companion and caregiver for the past 15 years, since my father’s death. I have no idea what to do with myself. The dynamics of my life are dramatically different now. I have put my mother first for so long that I really don’t have a life plan for myself. How do I move forward after so long?
You have my sincere condolences. What you feel is utterly normal; you have spent years invested almost solely in thoughts of her because you have had to. It has formed things in your mind. Now retrain your mind to walk out and see and experience the rest of this beautiful world waiting.
You’re mourning a significant loss in your life. It will take time for you to process your grief.
Your mother’s spirit will live in your heart forever.
I was thinking about my mother earlier today and posted poems and quotes in the ‘Discussion’ section for everyone on the forum who has lost someone special.
I will share one that I posted earlier today. It’s called, My Mother Kept a Garden.
My Mother kept a garden
A garden of the heart
She planted all the good things
That gave my life its start
She turned me to the sunshine
And encouraged me to dream
Fostering and nurturing
The seeds of self esteem
And when the winds and rain came
She protected me enough
But not too much because she knew
I’d need to stand up strong and tough
Her constant good example
Always taught me right from wrong
Markers for my pathway
That will last a lifetime long
I am my mother’s garden
I am her legacy
And I hope today that she feels the love
Reflected back from me
When someone has been a caregiver as long as you have, it will take some time to figure out what your life will look like now. You will wander around for a while wondering what you should be doing, but in time you will figure it out.
Just start taking baby steps in putting yourself first, and eventually you will find that you're living and enjoying your life again.
Your mother would want that much for you, so I wish you well in starting your new life.
Take your time. You've just lost her and need to grieve still. If you are anything like me you'll need to start thinking differently. It's strange when you don't have that other person to consider before you make plans. But you will get there. Don't expect it to happen overnight.
Take care.
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In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first identified the stages of dying in her transformative book On Death and Dying. Decades later, she and David Kessler wrote the classic On Grief and Grieving, introducing the stages of grief with the same transformative pragmatism and compassion. Now, based on hard-earned personal experiences, as well as knowledge and wisdom gained through decades of work with the grieving, Kessler introduces a critical sixth stage: meaning.
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My condolences on the loss of your dear mom. May God guide you towards peace, acceptance and eventually finding a new life for yourself down the road.
I'm sorry for your loss.
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