This past fall my dad was admitted to the hospital for over a week... I was my mom's sole caretaker, she has moderate dementia. My dad and mom refused the hospital's efforts to send him to rehab (he has mild brain damage and dementia, and acute kidney damage from this past incident). I now have medical POA and I have found a nursing facility that will not only take them both for their various needs, but will keep them together in the same room! How do I get them into the car to travel the couple of hours here, as they know there is a place for them but say they aren't leaving?!?! The nursing home will not go get them.
I feel bad that my folks world has turned upside down for them but I’m sooooooo relieved that they are finally safe and well cared for.
My sister and I feel horrible for placing them in a nursing facility, but neither of us live close to them, and they would never move. Heck, it's only been the past few weeks that we were able to find out who their doctor is/was and what Bank they use!!! They never ever share any information about themselves, to anyone! It's maddening...it's always been that way, always, but it's gotten even worse since they have started declining.
I am a puddle right now at the thought of placing them ... I know they are scared too, which makes it worse.
She was very suspicious so I picked something she enjoyed -going to the doctor.
I told her she had a doctor's appointment. She was "out of it" enough that she didn't realize the trip wasn't to the doctor.
Once inside, we had lunch (had it set up beforehand) and I even spent the night.
I had given her 1-1/2 mg. of Ativan with her morning pills (from the doctor, of course).
It worked pretty well.
The staff said not visit for 2 weeks to let her settle in. When I came to visit, she attacked me but she eventually grew to like it there.
Good luck, this is not an easy venture.
It will def take 2 people traveling with them, bc of bathroom stops (me and my husband). That's a good idea to arrange a meal when we arrive, I'll talk to the nursing facility tomorrow.
Assuming that they are going to the proper place, I'd try to work with the doctor. My LO's doctor told her that she needed to go and get some physical therapy, medication established, etc. So, we called it rehab. She eventually agreed to go to Assisted Living to get herself in better health, work on balance, meds regulated, help with memory, etc. Of course, once she got settled in, she was okay with staying and liked how they took care of her.
When we moved mthr in, I bought her new things and dropped them by, and had already put photos on the walls. She was not aware of how long she'd been in the car, and my husband was taking her 5 hrs by himself... He was thrilled there were family bathrooms at Walmart he could take her into. He drove all day as she claimed to need to go every hour and it was another hour to get her back into the car. (Bring 1 person for each demented one so they don't out number you!)
They arrived at the facility after dark when they planned on noon! The ladies bundled her up and had her in the bath immediately (hoarding situation) and we left. They fed her in her room. For your parents, they could potentially go to their meal with ice cream while you step aside to deal with "some bathroom issues" while you step out the door to the gas station without attracting their notice. Their doc will need to Rx some anti anxiety pills so the SNF can offer them during that first week.
Best Wishes- I know it's heartbreaking. Safety over emotional comfort.
Mom is mad as hell but doesn’t have the know how to revoke my poa. And I intentionally did not put a phone in their room or she might try to lawyer up.
No one would evaluate these 2 and determine they could live at home. Not even the sleasiest of lawyers.
My parents did not want to go to the memory care either.. so I used some therapeutic fibbing.. told them I was taking them to lunch.. which was true.. lunch at the memory care. Once we got there it was pretty hard.. so no cake walk but at least I got them there.. with dementia you may be able to get away with some fibbing.