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At least your parents have each other. I hired a separate care giving company to help me manage my Mom's care. They helped me get Mom moved into the memory care, I did not even go. I went to see her about a week after she moved in, and kept telling her that the doctor prescribed her to stay at this nice apartment and that all the activities were designed to help her with her short term memory. She would admit to having a short-term memory issue.
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September, you’ve got to go through with this. It’s awful and it’s tough but think of what will happen if they are left to their own devices. Get past their anger and tears and make it happen.

I feel bad that my folks world has turned upside down for them but I’m sooooooo relieved that they are finally safe and well cared for.
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Wow Sue, sorry she attacked you! My parents are aware they are going, they just aren't aware it's their new home. My dad has no way of grasping the concept of "why", and trouble with both short and long term, and risk and consequences. My mom has severe short term memory loss and long term comes and goes.
My sister and I feel horrible for placing them in a nursing facility, but neither of us live close to them, and they would never move. Heck, it's only been the past few weeks that we were able to find out who their doctor is/was and what Bank they use!!! They never ever share any information about themselves, to anyone! It's maddening...it's always been that way, always, but it's gotten even worse since they have started declining.
I am a puddle right now at the thought of placing them ... I know they are scared too, which makes it worse.
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No way was my mom (stage 5 Alzheimer's) was going to memory care.
She was very suspicious so I picked something she enjoyed -going to the doctor.
I told her she had a doctor's appointment. She was "out of it" enough that she didn't realize the trip wasn't to the doctor.
Once inside, we had lunch (had it set up beforehand) and I even spent the night.

I had given her 1-1/2 mg. of Ativan with her morning pills (from the doctor, of course).
It worked pretty well.

The staff said not visit for 2 weeks to let her settle in. When I came to visit, she attacked me but she eventually grew to like it there.

Good luck, this is not an easy venture.
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Yes they need skilled nursing, memory care is a locked unit and they aren't ready to be "locked". Mom is private pay and dad Medicare, both until Medicaid kicks in... they have doctors orders and a good dr at the facility.
It will def take 2 people traveling with them, bc of bathroom stops (me and my husband). That's a good idea to arrange a meal when we arrive, I'll talk to the nursing facility tomorrow.
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Are you sure they need skilled nursing care or a Memory unit? I'd just make sure that the facility can meet their needs. Also, are they private pay or Medicaid? It's my understanding that they need a doctor's prescription to enter skilled nursing care. I know that is needed for Medicaid.

Assuming that they are going to the proper place, I'd try to work with the doctor. My LO's doctor told her that she needed to go and get some physical therapy, medication established, etc. So, we called it rehab. She eventually agreed to go to Assisted Living to  get herself in better health, work on balance, meds regulated, help with memory, etc. Of course, once she got settled in, she was okay with staying and liked how they took care of her.
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Work with the SNF, they have done this before. Ask if they can arrange for a meal and ice cream when you arrive. Perhaps you can have some belongings sent ahead via UPS so you don't need to deal with suitcases in the heat of the moment too.

When we moved mthr in, I bought her new things and dropped them by, and had already put photos on the walls. She was not aware of how long she'd been in the car, and my husband was taking her 5 hrs by himself... He was thrilled there were family bathrooms at Walmart he could take her into. He drove all day as she claimed to need to go every hour and it was another hour to get her back into the car. (Bring 1 person for each demented one so they don't out number you!)

They arrived at the facility after dark when they planned on noon! The ladies bundled her up and had her in the bath immediately (hoarding situation) and we left. They fed her in her room. For your parents, they could potentially go to their meal with ice cream while you step aside to deal with "some bathroom issues" while you step out the door to the gas station without attracting their notice. Their doc will need to Rx some anti anxiety pills so the SNF can offer them during that first week.

Best Wishes- I know it's heartbreaking. Safety over emotional comfort.
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My folks were a total train wreck but I couldn’t get them in care until mom had a really bad fall. She went from the hospital directly to assisted living. Dad had just slid off the dementia cliff at the same time. I took him to have lunch with mom and moved him in. He thinks he’s in a ski resort most of the time.

Mom is mad as hell but doesn’t have the know how to revoke my poa. And I intentionally did not put a phone in their room or she might try to lawyer up.

No one would evaluate these 2 and determine they could live at home. Not even the sleasiest of lawyers.
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That's great that the nursing home will let them share a room! My parents are in memory care and share a room and I hope they will be able to continue if they have to move to a nursing home in the future.

My parents did not want to go to the memory care either.. so I used some therapeutic fibbing.. told them I was taking them to lunch.. which was true.. lunch at the memory care. Once we got there it was pretty hard.. so no cake walk but at least I got them there.. with dementia you may be able to get away with some fibbing.
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