My husband and I decided to try to get some help with bathing MIL. I have not been very successful doing it myself. The agency we called of course wants 8 to 12 hours per week in 4 hour blocks. My husband decided to have them come in the evening so we can go out. This is making me nervous. Having a stranger in my home unsupervised except for mom. Advice anyone?
Hooey. Go to a different agency.
Are you in a terribly remote location so that the aides would have to drive miles and miles to get to you or something, though?
But in any case - don't scoot out of the door the second the aide turns up! Give the relationship a little while to develop, then go out for short periods, before you leave them to cope on their own.
We just have to try it out and see how it goes I guess.
Thanks.
Your mom is no longer in a position to supervise anyone. The idea about hospice is a good one, but I still wouldn't leave my loved one with a new person without a trial.
Thanks all.
also the caregiver may have questions and/or you will need to give her information and guidance on the care.
I would not have anyone in the house unsupervised until I was absolutely sure that they were competent, treated your MIL the way she and you like and is trustworthy.
If by any reason you don't feel that they are a good fit, either with you and/or DH (because it is YOUR house) or with MIL, make sure you let the Agency know. I lost count of how many emails I sent the agency about Caregivers that just were not a match! Most of the time I would give a feedback email the first time, but if the behavior continued or we got new things that didn't work, that was it...scratched off the list of acceptable caregivers to be scheduled. We lucked out with a few of them that were amazing and established a great relationship with my mother. But some people take the job of caregiving without having the proper calling for it! Or maybe is personality match problems. You will go through a few before you find the right match.
Your house, your rules...some aids are used to just going to the clients house, not family members, and can get things confused as to what they can or should do. Establish a clear care plan, cameras are your friend, locked doors if you will be leaving them alone are also a good idea. Labels are also your friend...I had to separate and label snack bins so they stopped taking my son's school snacks!
Best of luck! And practice deep breathing...you may need it!
If you find someone you are comfortable with who is bonded and insured, it is a good idea to stick around for the first few visits to feel it it's a good fit for your loved one. Some agencies offer a "home review" where the owner or one of the office workers comes to your house to give you tips on home safety before you get started. They will review the living situation and give helpful tips about potential trip hazards, safety issues, and security issues that you might not have noticed. For instance, throw rugs, pets, and appliance cords are often mentioned. Bank statements, mail, and bills are often left out in the open as well.
Once you start feeling comfortable with the person (or a few different people) , you can leave and run errands, attend events, and catch up with friends, but I would strongly suggest surprise "pop in" visits when the caregiver is not expecting you. You might say you forgot your wallet or sunglasses, if you feel a need to give a reason for your unannounced drop-in. There is usually a four hour minimum because the worker has drive time and paperwork to fill out for every visit; those are just a couple of reasons for that minimum. Do not lend money or give valuables to any caregivers; they will only ask for more, and it leads to an uncomfortable relationship. I'm just giving you tips for prevention. An ounce of prevention is MORE than worth a pound of cure for sure!!
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