My dad has dementia and has lived in a memory care facility for over 2 years. He is frail, beginning to have trouble walking, and is almost non-verbal. When of sound mind, he filled out DNR paperwork and made it clear to me he would not want to live beyond "quality of life". He even spoke of suicide/assisted suicide. He always said he would not like to end up like his mother, who spent her last years bedridden with advanced dementia.
Dad is 81. Lately there has been some discussion about him possibly needing a pacemaker. My reaction has been "No". If his body winds down naturally and he dies a peaceful death, I think that is what he would have wanted.
Part of why he was moved to memory care is that my alcoholic mother refused to care for him and said he was "not her responsibility" after 50 years of marriage. She has verbally abused him and has said many times he would be better off dead, she wishes he were dead, etc. I am generally the one that nursing staff looks to for dad's needs, although technically mom is first in line as POA. Mostly she is AWOL :(
This morning we briefly discussed the pacemaker issue and she says her answer is "Yes" to the pacemaker, if that is what the doctor's suggest.
OK: Thoughts from the Forum about pacemakers, Please!.....
We put him on hospice and everyone came to visit him seeing that he wasnt going to survive long.. Well... his heart beat stabilized and he lived another 5 years.. he recently passed in April of an unrelated cause.
I would do what your dad wants... and it sounds like to skip the pacemaker. It could be a difficult road.. he could go the route of my Dad.. or he could have cardiac arrest... I know that is what I would want if I had dementia.
4 years ago I was told that my husband, who has Alz. would not live through the night without a pacemaker. I consented. Only later, after he had it for months, was I informed that he will never die from a heart attack. The pacemaker will keep his heart beating. That is its job. So what is he likely to die from? Ask your Dr that question before consenting. It is not likely to improve his life, just prolong it. Is that what you want? I also have since been told that anesthesia can make dementia worse. Dr's make lots of $$$ with the surgery so they push for it. Speak to your Dr. about this, not his.
Good luck and HUGS
Jo Greene
My mother also has invasive squamous cell skin cancer that is out of control. But I’m holding my breath about a possible decision she will need to make about this pacemaker soon. I feel she is showing signs that the pacemaker is running low on battery life. Her b/p is very low. She is getting dizzy at times. Trouble breathing. But this could be something else too.
I will have to speak with hospice soon and see where they stand about replacing the pace maker. I have been her caretaker for 8 yrs now. I can’t keep up with her health problems as is. And my own health is in shambles. I am currently in chemo for nhl.
Quantity of life should never be extended when there is no quality.