Husband commutes into NYC every day and I am concerned about exposing them to COVID through him in our small home. With rain expected we will be even more confined and I am not wearing a mask for three days in my home. So much anger from them, what I thought was acting in their best interest has now become an act of selfishness on my part according to them. I have lost perspective. Please help.
The next time you make such an offer to your folks, IF you ever do, I'd make it clear that it's contingent upon certain criteria being met. Only IF the conditions are right will you risk taking them in for a long weekend.
I'm sure they'll get over their anger eventually, since it's probably just disappointment they're truly feeling. You're doing the right thing, so try not to lose perspective and just keep their best interests at heart, just like you have been. Crazy how parents can make us feel like The Bad Guy so easily, isn't it?
Ensure they understand they cannot visit you at all if they have any symptoms.
Are your parents generally unreasonable like this?
Sounds like you dodged a little bullet there.
Unless they have total dementia, both of them, they should be able to understand the severity this virus has over the elderly (and I, at 63 am considered 'elderly'--one of my kids kept away from DH and I for a MONTH)….and just wearing a mask in the house isn't enough. You would have to be wiping down surfaces, cleaning and cleaning the whole time they were there--and with a mask on! It just isn't feasible for many reasons.
My mother gets mad at me all the time and I often don't even know about it until much later. I have learned (as a coping mechanism) to simply listen to her when she complains and validate that she has an opinion and then do what I feel is right, regardless of what she thinks. Yes, she'll sulk and be a little petulant, but it is what it is.
One more vote that says you're doing the right thing.
If your parents can't look at this as you are only thinking of them, that's their problem. Your reasoning is a good one. Let them be mad, they either will get glad or they won't.
You are entitled to make decisions that affect you. If your parents (or, anyone else for that matter - siblings) choose to not accept your decision - they need hold the bad feels - not you.
They probably are angry because of the loneliness this covid thing has created. They anticipated getting out of the house for a visit with you and then let down. This has been very hard for the elderly. Just keep telling them you don't want them to get the virus, your husband has to take chances in order to earn a living, and you certainly don't want them to end up in a hospital on a respirator.
Perhaps you could get tested for the virus and wear the mask, don't be in close contact with hubby until the results are back and then you go to visit them. Don't get close to them while in their home, wear your mask when in the same room and everyone wash hands often. They might feel better just to see you in person
Unfortunately, many do not believe in wearing a mask or perhaps that the CV is even real or that they could get it (people are in a psychological and emotional bubble of denial). Most people I mention this to on the street react in verbally abusive ways, anger, or a 'who cares' or a 'uh, what, . . . why?' response.
It stings . . . due to the stupidity and ignorance.
Do they watch 'the news' - the trump news or the real news? Do they really know what is going on? Perhaps they do not know how serious this is - to them.
Self healing takes practice in figuring out how to do it. And, like mercury in an OLD thermator (sp?), it slips and sides and isn't easy to get a handle on it 'for keeps.' Each situation requires a new moment of awareness, i.e., stop, takes some deep breathes, repeat an affirmation (plan ahead and create them), call a supporter friend, go for a jog/exercise, meditate, pray to whatever or whoever works for you.
If they 'don't get' it that you are acting out of love and caring, I would give them room to sort it out. I would not recommend you beat your head against that wall; it will only hurt you and keep you stuck. If there is dementia involved, understand it - get some distance from it, knowing what you can and cannot do in terms of creating awareness in another.