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I'm sorry I don't have anything to offer except to say I know how you feel because I am going through the same thing...

My mother is controlling, opinionated, domineering. She thinks everyone wants to hear her blathering on and on. She never lets anyone get a word in and will interrupt and cut people off mid sentence. It's rude and very unprofessional in any relationship. The word 'sorry' does not exist in her vocabulary...and lately nor do the words 'please' and 'thank you'....it's annoying beyond words. She has no friends and her phone does not ring because of these behaviors. Recently one of her friends she has known for 50+ years told her to kick rocks and she wasn't polite about it, she didn't sugar coat anything. Afterwards (I was witness to the incident) my mother didn't even consider for a second that perhaps it was something she had done, she just launched into a tirade and personal attack against her friend. She becomes defensive every time someone calls her out on her behavior. My son and daughter no longer want to be around her...not even to say 'Hi' because of the behaviors. She is critical of anyone in her field of view, treats people like servants (recently referred to me as her chauffeur and eluded to the fact she would like to continue doing so) and lays down judgement on others regularly. Lastly, walks around praising Jesus, shouting 'Amen' at ridiculous unnecessary situations and claiming she is going to Heaven above all others, so we better..."Listen to her"...

It's excruciating, there are days I actually fantasize about the future when I can leave this caregiving guilt trip in my rear view mirror. I have tried for years to do this and please my mother to no avail.
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MargaretMcKen Nov 19, 2023
“I have tried for years to ...please my mother to no avail”. What’s wrong with YOU? – not your mother! You KNOW now that you can’t win, it’s not that you are just a slow learner. So now that you’ve really and truly learned that you can’t win, what are you going to do about it?

Clearly one answer is to stop trying to win the ‘please me’ game. The next step is to stop worrying about the game and her role in it. If that doesn’t help, the next step is to see that she is safe and cared for, and then stop contact. You are NOT going to ‘please your mother’.
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Your mother and mine must have been twins in an alternate universe. Except you seem to care about her and I don't care about mine. Too much of that behavior made me hate her by the time I was 7, so I give you great credit. If you're actually trying to get her to acknowledge the pain she's caused you and that's the denial portion, forget it. She did nothing wrong. She will NEVER acknowledge it. And actually, parents were expected to just lash out as a teaching tool. Convenient for taking your frustrations out on innocent kids. My advice would be to spend as little time around her as possible. She won't change, there's no reason to waste your own precious time.
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Just because she is your mother does not mean she has to be in your life. Cut her off completely. You don't need her, and I'll bet you won't even miss her.
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KNance72 Dec 8, 2023
If she is toxic why Bother even if they are a Family Member . Toxic is toxic .
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Why do you even deal with Her ? Create a Boundary . Bulimia stems from Being controlled By someone In your Life : Mother , Husband , etc. Bulimia Is self medicating . try wine Instead you won't rot Out your teeth .
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