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Hello, in the moderate to latter stages of LBD, my Dad voided in the bedroom, bathroom cabinet(s), on my leg!😧 I even kept 4 portable urinals around the home & still could not catch every mishap. It is just unrealistic to think you can catch them at every instance.
If the re-direct is unsuccessful, I’d let him void outside, drape “washable” blankets over the fence, for neighbor privacy..Do explain to them he has dementia..I found most people have/have had family members with this disease.
Lost both my parents to dementia, 2018 & 2021..You are a Blessing to him, & this forum understands what you’re going through.🙏🏻❤️🤗
Two husbands, one son, four stepsons and 12+ grandsons and all of them on occasion were known to take a whiz outside. And I have at the farm or on a camping trip.
Around here most backyards are fenced. Hot tubs are very common, as is I suppose the NorCal tradition of having sex in them. Everyone sees it as not really their biz.
If the man is doing no 1 outside it only becomes an issue with the homeowner.
Probably can't change him from "going" outside. Might want to create an outdoor area he can use - sheltered from prying eyes, hardy plants that can take the extra "watering", and hose it down frequently.
Wow, I am surprised at how divisive this thread had become.
The replies show the rural/city and cultural divides between us.
Indoor plumbing has not been around for all that long and in many places in the world it simply does not exist. There are places where outhouses are uncommon as well.
Instead of getting hung up on general concepts of where and how a person should relieve themselves, let’s help OP.
Lee, when was his last medical exam? I would start there and talk to his doctor about your concerns.
Is the yard secured? Can he get out of the yard? Wondering is another concern. Also there could be trouble if he pees in someone’s yard.
Me? I would take peeing outside over inappropriate peeing inside.
My husband pees outside (on our block, no neighbors in view) for preference in the daytime. His prostate is enlarging, which slows things down as is common when men age, so he takes his time and enjoys the scenery.
I wish I could too, and I certainly do on the farm. If I have diarrhoea, I also do the other thing out in the paddock, with a temporary wipe on a stone or grass until I get back to the house. Tissue is a waste problem, it takes too long to break down and is an eyesore.
In history, women with long full skirts often didn’t wear knickers, stood with legs astride and peed on the grass. Public toilets weren't common in picnic places.
Look on the bright side – no flushing needed, so it saves on the water bill!
I've had to do both outdoors myself. Like when camping or hiking out in the woods. It is what it is. My first husband was in the army. He taught me how to dig a 'cat hole' if you're dropping a deuce outside and bury it like a cat. Making a habit of going to the bathroom outside in the yard is disgusting plain and simple. Someone also has to be the one who goes around cleaning it up. It has tp be cleaned up same as when someone has a dog, or chickens, or any other kind of livestock. When it's not cleaned up it attracts rats and other vermin. Then everyone who lives around them has a problem. You say 'Guys do it all the time'. Guys do somehing else all the time too. I've lived with my father, my uncle and two male cousins, two husbands, and raised a son. Only one time did I see this. My first husband was so drunk one time (he was drunk often but always maintained some measure of civilization) that when his friend dropped him off he whipped it out an took a piss in the birdbath in our yard. I saw from the window and went out and yelled at him. Then he stumbled and passed out on the lawn. I didn't even help him into the house but left him there to sleep outside like an animal. People get dementia this is a sad fact of life. Seriously, the people responsible for them have to draw the line on how far they will humor them. Or how much they will go along with certain behaviors. I'm saying ifn grandpa doesn't have sense enough to use a toilet at his own house, he belongs in a memory care.
leemcintosh: Since redirection is not working, perhaps a small outside enclosure could be constructed, giving the man a measure of privacy and not privy to the public.
Dementia or not, peeing outside is not acceptable. If possible make sure that person goes to bathroom before going out. Something I read if I am correct, is it possible people with dementia have problem emptying their bladders completely?
Losing understanding of toileting is one of the symptoms of dementia. It may get worse. Is he peeing on his own property? If so, the ideas suggested about a shed (outhouse) may be a good solution, if he'll go there. There are portable toilets that you could put in there. If it's in public or is a nuisance for others, that won't solve this problem. You could try adult incontinence underwear. But then someone will have to change the underwear when it is wet. If his handling of toileting gets worse, there are disposable pads you can put under him in the bed and on chairs. People go through stages with dementia. This will probably pass, but sadly the changes are usually for the worse.
My immediate thoughts were whew, better outside than every where in the house! Second thought was , men ughhh🙃 But we know it’s illegal. Since re-directing doesn’t help for inside, how about a private area in the back yard? A shed of some sorts? At least that area can be watered down. Have you tried a urinal? Seems like your in a tough situation hope collaterally you pull some Ideas from this forum 😊 Wishing for a good out come for you💕
If re-direction is not stopping this behavior, then stop taking him outside. There's no excuse for a man to be allowed to whip it out and pee outside if there is a toilet nearby. Get him to pee before going out. Then stop with re-direction and start with commanding. There will be no peeing outside or there will be no going out.
If it’s at his own residence I’d let it fly. Sure beats using the carpet. My son has always been on diuretic meds and when I was potty training him so long ago I had a neighbor complain that he was peeing outside—unreal, a 2 year old on Lasix is somehow bothering you?! I think much the same about a senior with dementia. Some things just need a bit of tolerance and understanding
Tolerance and understanding can only go so far. No civilized people should have to tolerate an adult man whipping it out and taking a piss outside. A two-year old is different. If some old man is so out of it with dementia that he doesn't know better, then he should not be left alone.
My hubby once told me that to men, the whole WORLD is their toilet!
He was a Scoutmaster for many years, and it was certainly true then.
As a woman, I KNOW how impossible it is to find a place to pee in the woods or or hikes. DH could just wander off the path and act like he was looking at a bird or something and relieve himself, and I had to find a covered area that could provide some privacy and still ended up peeing all over myself. I hiked in wet boots for years. AND we had 4 daughters. Just joyful hiking experiences all around.
I know my son and his buddies would all be playing outdoors and just stop and pee wherever they were, tho I did ask them to please not baptize the grass.
I'm sorry, but manners maketh man. We are not animals. It doesn't matter if someone has dementia. No peeing otuside in the yard. This is not acceptable. If the demented elder is so far gone that they don't know better anymore, they belong in a locked memory care facility for their own safety. Or they need to have constant care and not permitted to out to the yard to pee.
I once watched my hubby walk all the way through the house, past the bathroom, to the back door, outside and into the back yard so he could pee. And I don't think dementia was to blame at that time. Must be a bizarre "guy" thing. If no one's looking, I'd let it go.
If he is in his or your home I would be thankful he isn't doing it in your inside garbage cans. That is what my grandfather did including poop! Also let your neighbors know that he has dementia. That way they will know what is going on and they can actually help keep watch for him wandering etc. Also we live in the country and my husband thinks you are supposed to pee outside and he does not have dementia! lol Apparently that is a man thing.
Was this gentleman a mail carrier in his previous job (or some similar type of job)? There was a gentleman at my parent's AL who would urinate in the corner of the dining room all the time; it turned out he was a mail carrier in his former job who would have to urinate outside on his route every day. When dementia took over, he reverted back to the old days in his mind, as is common with dementia, and went back to 'peeing outside'. The facility had a heck of a time getting him to stop doing that. Of course, he was in AL when he should have been living in Memory Care AL which is what eventually happened: he moved to Memory Care.
The door to outside can be locked, but this gentleman will probably start urinating on the floor INSIDE the house if you do that. You can dress him in an anti strip suit (search Alzheimers anti strip suit on Amazon) with a Depends if things get to the point where it becomes necessary. Otherwise, just leave him be, that's my suggestion. We pick our battles with dementia, that's the truth. At least he's not peeing on the dining room wall! :)
Not much you can do ... If this is in your yard (or his) and it is obscured from view of neighbors I would not worry much about it. You can make it more difficult but if he is continent it will also make it more difficult for him to go to the bathroom by himself. There are "onsies" that you can use. If you are helping him dress that is an option, in the winter a "union suit" would work. One of the things about dementia, don't know if you want to call it a good thing or not but...with each "problem" that you have to find a solution for that "problem" will pass as the decline occurs and that brings a whole 'nuther set of problems.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If the re-direct is unsuccessful, I’d let him void outside, drape “washable” blankets over the fence, for neighbor privacy..Do explain to them he has dementia..I found most people have/have had family members with this disease.
Lost both my parents to dementia, 2018 & 2021..You are a Blessing to him, & this forum understands what you’re going through.🙏🏻❤️🤗
If the man is doing no 1 outside it only becomes an issue with the homeowner.
Everyone would have been so grateful if she was going outside.
After the doctor has ruled out any medical issues, I would ensure he has some waist down privacy and be thankful it's outside.
Learning to pick your battles and let go of social expectations when dementia is present is a tremedous gift for yourself.
The replies show the rural/city and cultural divides between us.
Indoor plumbing has not been around for all that long and in many places in the world it simply does not exist. There are places where outhouses are uncommon as well.
Instead of getting hung up on general concepts of where and how a person should relieve themselves, let’s help OP.
Lee, when was his last medical exam? I would start there and talk to his doctor about your concerns.
Is the yard secured? Can he get out of the yard? Wondering is another concern. Also there could be trouble if he pees in someone’s yard.
Me? I would take peeing outside over inappropriate peeing inside.
I wish I could too, and I certainly do on the farm. If I have diarrhoea, I also do the other thing out in the paddock, with a temporary wipe on a stone or grass until I get back to the house. Tissue is a waste problem, it takes too long to break down and is an eyesore.
In history, women with long full skirts often didn’t wear knickers, stood with legs astride and peed on the grass. Public toilets weren't common in picnic places.
Look on the bright side – no flushing needed, so it saves on the water bill!
Making a habit of going to the bathroom outside in the yard is disgusting plain and simple.
Someone also has to be the one who goes around cleaning it up. It has tp be cleaned up same as when someone has a dog, or chickens, or any other kind of livestock. When it's not cleaned up it attracts rats and other vermin. Then everyone who lives around them has a problem.
You say 'Guys do it all the time'. Guys do somehing else all the time too. I've lived with my father, my uncle and two male cousins, two husbands, and raised a son. Only one time did I see this. My first husband was so drunk one time (he was drunk often but always maintained some measure of civilization) that when his friend dropped him off he whipped it out an took a piss in the birdbath in our yard. I saw from the window and went out and yelled at him. Then he stumbled and passed out on the lawn. I didn't even help him into the house but left him there to sleep outside like an animal.
People get dementia this is a sad fact of life. Seriously, the people responsible for them have to draw the line on how far they will humor them. Or how much they will go along with certain behaviors.
I'm saying ifn grandpa doesn't have sense enough to use a toilet at his own house, he belongs in a memory care.
Sounds like it's facility time.
If possible make sure that person goes to bathroom before going out. Something I read if I am correct, is it possible people with dementia have problem emptying their bladders completely?
But we know it’s illegal. Since re-directing doesn’t help for inside, how about a private area in the back yard? A shed of some sorts? At least that area can be watered down. Have you tried a urinal?
Seems like your in a tough situation hope collaterally you pull some Ideas from this forum 😊 Wishing for a good out come for you💕
There's no excuse for a man to be allowed to whip it out and pee outside if there is a toilet nearby.
Get him to pee before going out. Then stop with re-direction and start with commanding. There will be no peeing outside or there will be no going out.
He was a Scoutmaster for many years, and it was certainly true then.
As a woman, I KNOW how impossible it is to find a place to pee in the woods or or hikes. DH could just wander off the path and act like he was looking at a bird or something and relieve himself, and I had to find a covered area that could provide some privacy and still ended up peeing all over myself. I hiked in wet boots for years. AND we had 4 daughters. Just joyful hiking experiences all around.
I know my son and his buddies would all be playing outdoors and just stop and pee wherever they were, tho I did ask them to please not baptize the grass.
Pick your battles!
The door to outside can be locked, but this gentleman will probably start urinating on the floor INSIDE the house if you do that. You can dress him in an anti strip suit (search Alzheimers anti strip suit on Amazon) with a Depends if things get to the point where it becomes necessary. Otherwise, just leave him be, that's my suggestion. We pick our battles with dementia, that's the truth. At least he's not peeing on the dining room wall! :)
Good luck!
If this is in your yard (or his) and it is obscured from view of neighbors I would not worry much about it.
You can make it more difficult but if he is continent it will also make it more difficult for him to go to the bathroom by himself.
There are "onsies" that you can use.
If you are helping him dress that is an option, in the winter a "union suit" would work.
One of the things about dementia, don't know if you want to call it a good thing or not but...with each "problem" that you have to find a solution for that "problem" will pass as the decline occurs and that brings a whole 'nuther set of problems.