Logically, I understand death and dying are part of life. I just feel so sad and at times guilty that I'm enjoying my life while my sweet 89-year old momma spends her days in a memory care unit. She is totally aware that she moved to live close to me and lights up with my visits. I try to visit her most days and surprise her with treats and sometimes a glass of wine. She's definitely declining and the caregivers are preparing me for the inevitable. (She's in hospice. ) What kinds of things do you do and think about to help cope with similar feelings?
You sound like you are the light of your mother's life. Treats and wine -- what nicer things could anyone do? It seems to me that you are bringing as much joy to her as she can understand right now. Don't worry. She will be okay. You will miss her, I know, but I believe she'll just be leaving behind her sick body for something much better on the other side of the door. I often wish I could see what they see without having to die myself. One day I know it will be my turn. I'll have to leave provisions for a pizza party in my will.
You love your mother very much. Think about what she would want for you, and give it to her, as best you can.
And guilt? I know that isn't rational so a logic argument may not help much. But it was not your choice that death is everyone's destiny. You did not make up those rules. It is not your fault that Momma has dementia. Guilt is a waste of energy you could be spending on more positive things.
My heart goes out to you. Accept the comfort hospice can offer you.