Mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia a little over a year ago. She is 77, my Dad is 79. My mom has always been a very strong personality, I mean strong!
Over the last year she is increasingly becoming aggressive and angry. She makes up stories and believes them to be gospel especially about drugs. She curses my Dad out over every little thing until he backs down and leaves her alone.
She barely eats, like say, she eats 2 eggs for breakfast she'll go sometimes til the next evening before she takes a few more bites of food. And she flat out refuses to take her dementia medication, I mean she will get so aggressive and angry we end up backing down for fear she'll stroke out.
She wakes up in the morning in or around the middle of stage 4 and every hour she slides, by dark she is in the middle of stage 5 if not near the end of that stage.
Does anyone in here have a LO that is this hard to deal with?
No matter how we've tried to talk to her about her meds she gets so irate that we fear she will seriously stroke out, we tried calmly talking, being a little assertive, ignoring it for a few days... nothing works. If you ask her if she took her pills she will tell you yes, if you check you quickly see she is lying. Then the next day the pills go missing, takes us days to find them. Dad even tried waking her at 5am (since she is calmer than a cucumber in those hours) and she was taking them with no problem, 4 days later she took them from him and threw them screaming she doesn't want them anymore. That was the last time she took them.
We took her to a neurologist and she walked out and refused to go back in. We are at a loss at this point. She is so hard to deal with or talk to it makes it incredibly difficult to get her to do anything.
Here is an example on what we deal with: she is telling us a made up story that never happened... she will ask us for a name or place, if you say you don't remember she gets angrier than a badger, if you make up whatever it is she asked you she gets incredibly angry and starts to curse you out, if you ignore it like you didn't hear her she starts calling you names and belittles you.
If we do get her to take her medicine for a few days in a row (which hasn't happened in about 6 months, up above) she is good... calm, not mean, she eats, can hold a conversation, more willing to do what she needs to do, and even takes her evening pill on her own!!
We are at an absolute loss on how to get her to take her medicine and eat. Those 11 steps from Alzheimer's to get them to take their meds would never ever fly with Mom, literally, she is meaner than a badger on a good day.
Thought about crushing pill and putting in food, again 2 problems with that, 1) she barely eats and 2) she feed her dogs her food.
The family Doctor, the only one she agrees to see, tells us every 3 months at her check up, that we need to get her to take the medicine... we know this, he knows this, everyone knows this but, HOW do we do it, is the question. Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated, especially from those that deal with the same aggressive rattlesnake.
As to eating, it is very common for the elderly to lose their appetites. Not certain how far you are willing to go in this battle for more life, nourishment and food in a person who is making their own choices by what their body is asking of them. These are all decisions we have to make on our own with our doctors. For myself I would not force an elder to take medications at some point, nor to eat, and would consider instead a consult with palliative care physician.
Do know that when it becomes a real struggle, the person suffering from dementia will see it as a power struggle, and since they have power over so little, they can fight very hard for what little power they have.
I feel for you and your dad, hang in there!
I know she needs her medicine and she would feel and do so much better if she had it.You must be very frustrated about this and I really hope you find a way to get it down her and soon.
If she will eat puddings or ice cream try that.
The doctor asked to speak to her alone, she told her we where forcing her to take pills. She wants to go see my dad, he died 10 years ago. She's 91, going into hospice next week.