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(((((((hugs)))))) You are not being selfish. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have done nothing wrong. You have looked after your husband very well and are providing for his care in the best way possible. The relief is normal and healthy. The guilt is not necessary and comes from perhaps feeling you could have done more or better while knowing that you have done your best. It also is probably part of the grieving this big change and the loss that goes with it. Yes it will be a sad time this Christmas. Work through your feelings, accept that things are as they are and you can't or could not have changed them. Accept also that you are a great wife, mother and grandmother. Continue to be the loving person that you are. Be gentle on yourself. The bad feelings will pass in time. Find some way to honour your husband at Christmas at your family gathering. That will help everyone. (((((((hugs))))) Keep in touch and let us know how you are.
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Dear sweet caregiver
First of all most of most of us truly understand and are here to love and support each other. God bless you for taking care of him for 11 years. I truly understand and believe that most of us caregivers all reach a point to where it’s simply enough. I’m there right now. I think your decision was the best of both of you. My goal is to get my mom placed soon as I can’t take care of her anymore. Placing a loved one is nothing to feel guilty about, and you now get to visit with him
and ENJOY that time instead of being so worn out. God bless you and your family and keep you in the palm of His hand.
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Frances73 Nov 2020
So true, I am tired of hearing people say that they "would never put my Mom in a HOME," Unless you have lived with an ill, infirm, mentally declining adult you have no right to make judgements of my decision. A yoga teacher once told us to Observe but do not Judge. Great advice.
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