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Mom wanted to build a snowman. Always asks where everybody is. Saw a man and woman in her dreams. A geriatric dr said she was in Stage 6 of 7 in dementia/Alzheimer's.
murphyclm, you sure need to have a lock on your door because she has stated she wants to kill you. She may forget what she said in a short period but there may be a time, especially during the night, that she might get that idea to kill you because she feels you have taken everything from her and try to get a knife or something else to hurt you. When she's not in her right mind, there's no telling what her mind is telling her to do so be careful. My mother also has hallucinations of her being in Hawaii on the beach. She had never been to the island but she thought she was there. The doctor said that sometimes when a patient is short of oxygen, they begin to hallucinate so we just went with it and asked how it was being there and who was with her, etc. We don't always know why the mind comes up with these people who move thru our minds when we're on medications or illness but to the people involved, they are very real. They are usually people from their past and they have quite detailed conversations with them. Ask as much as you can to find out what is being said to her and who the person is if she will tell you. We all have long-term memory and short term memory which works like a computer that during our REM sleep, it sweeps out the stuff it isn't going to keep and then transfers the rest to long-term memory. Maybe that is what this is, some of the long-term memory is now being processed and swept out. She's remembering things from many decades ago and it sounds crazy to us many years later but it could be just a long forgotten memory of hers. There are people who study the paranormal and say we have people coming to talk with us when it gets close to the time that we leave this earth and maybe some of these people, especially spouses who have passed, are waiting for them and getting them ready to cross over. I hope you find out what's causing the hallucinations and why.
When my Mom has experienced a hallucination and tells me about it, I always try to respond with a calm and reassuring voice and have her repeat it if she wants. I listen, without interrupting and again, with a calm and reassuring voice respond with some benign remark. I do the same thing for bad dreams. It seems to work for us. I am cognizant that I should not argue or try to contradict her and thereby deny her feelings. When she wants to do some "crazy" thing, I try to redirect the behavior. You know, by saying "let's do this instead" or "we can do that later." It's all so individualized, you'll need to experiment to find what works best for your Mom. Oh yes, one more thing. I've found I need to really keep by facial expressions and body language in check as my Mom reacts to that.
After rethinking your post, another thing I came up with is maybe she knows something is up. She knows she has a house, that's for sure. It sounds like she's getting pretty serious about wanting to come back home because she knows what she knows. Though I'm not 100% clear on your situation, it is worth some thought. I guess if any of us had a home we were away from, I guess any of us would've also wanted to go back
My Mom gets TV, dreams and reality confused. She gets upset over things she dreams or sees on TV. I tell her she must have dreamed it or saw it on TV and its not real. Seems to calm her. She also sees a girl that I finally just agree she is there. Just now she said the people on TV were asking her to do something. Explained again its just a TV program and not real.
I agree with going along with it if you can. Two weeks ago, my husband fell and had a concussion. The hospital was worried about his heart so he had a heart surgeon involved. To make a long story short, my husband decided not to have a procedure. The surgeon came to talk to him. My husband who didn't know where he was, thought he was being held in the hospital because he hadn't paid. He told the surgeon that I had paid the money and he was sorry for the inconvenience he caused. Then he said to this very, every hair in place, heart surgeon "I didn't know my wife had paid the $600.00, I am sorry for any problems I caused, so keep the change for your trouble". The doctor looked at me, I shrugged my shoulders, the doctor, turned to my husband and with a straight face said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it". The Angiogram really wasn't needed, which is another story. So we came on home. So, if a top of the line heart surgeon can get into it, we should be able to.
When Mom did this we just asked her questions about what she saw. She would always give us answers in great detail! Sometimes it was kind of fun listening to her because we knew what she was telling us could not possibly be true! However it was very real for her.
Same here. I ask dad to tell me when he sees stuff. He has seen men aking inappropriate gestures at him, has seen worms, a little girl and has a dog and cat stay by his side. He has also seen mom who has been gone 7 years. She is the only one he says he knows. They don't talk to him but he talks to them. The one that disturbed me other then the "sexual gesturing men" is he told me he has seen death visit him. He said he reached out to him and mr death disappeared. I also have learned to ask him if anyone bothers him or if they do to call me and i'll make them leave. We try to talk through it so he is not scared about it. Glad he can discuss it with me. This whole ordeal has helped me roll with things that i finally realized i can't control but he knows i'm there for him. Thanks for all your stories. It helps me and others to understand better. Thanks all you wonderful folks!
I have similar experiences as Murphy and Daybyday have. Some of Bill's hallucinations (all negative and angry) have an actual seed that has created the monster. I try to find the seed by asking a lot of questions, none accusatory in any way. His latest is that he didn't want my aunt (who moved here to help me) to bring all her church people to the house anymore. He said there were 40 people here. After many questions over several days we figured he was agitated over Easter dinner when there were four of us, Bill, my aunt, his son (visiting from out of town) and me. By finding out what may have started the outrageous idea in his head we can try to address that seed using a different approach in the future. Sometimes it's just a crazy story. I'm happy for all those who have pleasant hallucinations. I'm particularly glad that seems to be the majority of experiences.
My mother in law has a lot of the same dreams mentioned in the other posts. The only time it gets scary is if she acts on them. For instance once she got out of bed on her own (she does not do this) to go with everyone to the parade she dreamed we were going to. Thank goodness she didn't fall. There was no convincing her she didn't hear a parade so we didn't try. One time she told us there was a bird flying around in her room. We just said ok and didn't make a big deal of it and walked out. Our old house has bats and we realized that's what she saw but she didn't need to know that. We found it and let it out.
I think some of you are confusing delusions with hallucinations. A hallucination is something they hear, see or feel. They see those children playing in the empty back yard, they hear the radio playing in a silent house. Believing they are being stolen from is an example of a paranoid delusion, they believe it even though there is no evidence to support that belief. While most hallucinations seem to be benign and you can play along, paranoia is always toxic and needs to be treated.
My father (at age 90) had hallucinations during the last few months of his life. Most of them were innocuous. In a couple cases he was convinced the staff had stolen things he either no longer had or weren't in the nursing home, and I was usually able to reason with him that this was impossible. In another case, he was convinced he was standing and wanted to be put back into bed (while he was actually lying in bed!)--I reasoned with him by telling him my feet were flat on the floor while being perpendicular to him. We had always gotten along well, and by asking "have I ever lied to you?" I could generally convince him that what I was saying was true. However, if it was something innocuous I usually just let him describe further what he saw. This happened about once a week; all the other days he was normal, and when I went to visit, I could usually determine immediately if he was having a bad day because his covers were kicked off and he seemed wide awake and agitated. He took no dementia medications, and usually after he ate and went to sleep he was better the next day.
For the last year of her life, in a NH due to parkinsons, strokes and dementia, my mother couldn't tell reality from delusions and dreams. Why did I have white carpets put in my house when I have dogs? (I didn't), where would my father sleep when he came to visit (he'd been gone 15 years) and there was a man who always slept under her bed to name a few.
Her biggest delusion was her (phantom) cat. One day she wanted to know why it wasn't on her bed and I said it was a nice day and it had gone out for a walk. A vegetarian, at meal times she would ask others for meat for her cat and wheel the halls looking for it. One day in the dining room she bent down to pet it and over she went, wheelchair and all, ending up in the ER. I bought her several stuffed animals and she never mentioned the cat again.
My grandma has started talking to people who are dead. She talks to my mom about going to the bathroom (she is obsessive with talking to people about the bathroom and about going to the bathroom). I tried at first to tell her that mom was dead and so was her sister so talking to her was not real. It was really upsetting at first to have her talking away to mom when mom had just passed away. I thought it was perhaps the room she was in since mom had died in there so I moved her to another room to sleep in. She still talked to her so I'd try to stop her from talking to them by interrupting her and telling her that no one was in the room with her to ask to go to the bathroom. I used to try to ask her to show me the person thinking that if she just realized no one was there she'd stop but honestly none of these worked. These things only really upset her to the point of where she would yell at me for scaring them away.
Now I humor her. I tell her that I'm going to help her first then help them or just tell her that I didn't hear them calling but instead just heard her so I am talking care of her. I just let her talk to people, let her smile and laugh at them grateful that she at least has a smile on her face. I notice at night she's actually not bothering me as much on the nights she's actively talking to people. Not sure if it's a good thing or not she talks to my mom, her husband and sister but it doesn't seem to harm her and come morning it stops.
She also dreams a lot. I figure it is because she wakes herself up having terrible sleeping habits. Plus she's anxious a lot so she has a hard time sleeping at night but she'll wake up in the middle of the night and try to tell me I have to get the baby who just crawled out of the room. Humoring her once again helps so perhaps just pretending like it's real, trying to see it as something not harmful and just letting it happen is best since they are essentially living in a world we don't see and can't understand.
My mom is being treated for a uti at the NH right now. Considering that she is pretty content. When I visited yesterday she asked immediately if I knew when the men were coming back. "Which men do you mean, Ma?" Dad went fishing with his buddies. They've been gone almost a week. Do you know when they'll be back? [I knew she meant my dad -- she called her dad Pa -- and he has been dead about 20 years.] No, I don't, but I hope they bring a LOT of fish! We can have a good fish fry.
A little later, sitting in a craft session, she wondered out loud what she should make for dinner, and if she needed to go to the store. (She has not cooked for at least 5 years.) I asked, "What did you used to like to cook, when we were kids?" We named a few things and soon everyone at the table chimed in. Only the younger ones had tacos a lot, the older ones deep fried more, and so on. It was a pretty lively discussion.
There would have been No Point in explaining the "reality" to Mom. Anticipating a nice fish fry was better than discussing when my father died, and talking about food was pleasant for everyone, even those who hadn't cooked in decades.
It is hardest when the delusion is scary to the patient. But if it is not awful it is best just to go along with it and redirect the topic if possible.
My mommy has her good days and bad days. But the good days out weigh the bad days. And I am fortunate to have her with me. It gets hard at times but I press on. Sometime it's sad and other times its a joy to know that she is still here with the family. She can be a hand full. But it always pass on to something different. Hilarious and yet not hilarious, you all know what I mean. If she see ants yes mother its ants and I get the spray and spray. She call me moma and I answer.
murphyclm, I feel for you and I believe we, in our house, are heading down your path. Things aren't quite that bad but almost 90% of experiences/hallucinations are bad/negative. My MIL often thinks we are taking her things, stealing her money and are trying to kill her or want her dead. She accepts no help and is generally unpleasant to be around. Though the other day she was in the middle of one of her episodes and I stuck my head in her room and said are you calling me and she replied no but didn't you want to go see the chickens? (She use to have chickens) so I told her not right now but maybe later. That was the most pleasant exchange between us in months! All I can say is, it is nerve racking and takes its tool on everyone in this house.
My mother also has started to have hallucinations. She and I will be having a conversation and she'll just stop and say "Randy (my brother) is on the phone and he wants to talk to you"...so I tell her that I will call him on my way home, so she tells him "she will call you on the way home", and then she picks up our conversation where we were. Definitely best to just play along, as these episodes don't seem to last very long - at least not yet.
I think it is best to play along, and respond to the feelings that it creates instead. My mother would insist that her mother was in the house. When I explain that her mother is 30 years dead she looks embarrassed, hangs her head and says "oh yes". Now I just play alone. No point in making her feel bad.
I'm so glad that this question was asked. My mom has started doing the same thing. She told me she had a "visitor" in the night. They came in and lifted her from her bed and put her in her wheelchair, then said they'd be back. I knew by what she was telling me that it wasn't true. I even told her that the doors at her AL facility are locked at night and nobody can get in without security helping them. She said this person must have been clever enough to fool security. I suggested it was a dream and it irritated her, so I let it go. Thanks for the advice on going along with it or changing the subject.
My mom has never admitted to dreaming or hallucinating and is always angry if I question anything she says. The dreams/hallucinations are never, ever pleasant. Doesn't seem to matter how I react, it never seems to be what she wants to hear yet we still have pleasant moments. She still feeds herself and does okay when at the beautician's and the few times we go out and still behaves fairly well around others. I let her rant here at home during the daytime but thank God, when it goes on into the evening, some nights I can give her mirtazapine or now Ativan in a small dose so we can both sleep. With mom, it's always that the house is on fire and we have to leave, how I need to get ready right now and take her home, how dad is in the front yard hurt and needs her (he's been dead 13 years), that somebody wants her to take care of their kids and she doesn't want to, that this is her house and she screams for me to get out, I've taken everything she has, won't give her the car keys, won't let her go to work (retired 21 years). She won't get into her bed on the worst nights because there are too many people in there already, etc. Sometimes it's hilarious but I can't laugh too much. Her "familiar" is always telling her to ignore me, that I'm not her daughter. Her good moments are fewer and fewer, and time of day does not seem to matter. It always seems best if I just walk away when things get too hairy since she now rushes me and says she's gonna kill me. Sooner or later she does calm down.
My mother occasionally sees things. I've found that it's kinder just to go along with it. She has a woman that visits her (not real). My mother can't tell me what she looks like or how she got into the apartment. The woman tells her that she will be visiting often. I just told mom not to go anywhere with her. I'm afraid she'll wonder off. Mom also told me that her shoes were smiling at her. I said that she has happy shoes. It makes her feel good that I don't think she's "crazy."
I agree with rose. Don't try to convince her it isn't real. Just make her feel safe and understood. Last Christmas, my Mom was in Genesis, final stage of LBD. Suddenly she looked down at the floor and said look at all these presents, I have to take them downstairs. When I was little, my parents would pile our presents in their bedroom closet, and bring them down christmas eve, she must have been reliving that. I asked her where they were and did she see them. She said, right there, pointing and very agitated. So, I told her we would take them downstairs later, I would help her. That calmed her down, she said ok. She forgot about it that fast. But it was real to her at the time.
Just treat the hallucinations as if they are real, for her they are! Ask her if she had fun building a snowman, who helped etc. Ask about the man and woman, does she know them? Are they nice? Think of it as a waking dream, if it is pleasant then you can be glad her mind is in a happy place ;) If she is dreaming/hallucinating about something unpleasant I'll rub her back or shoulder and do my best to convince her it is just a bad dream, then I'll talk about something pleasant to try to distract her.
By the time my mom reached the later stages of dementia she was not too verbal so I don't know if my answer will be helpful. I found that trying to convince my mom that what she was seeing was not there only upset her more. By asking questions and assuring her that the people in the room, etc, would not hurt her and that i would keep her safe seemed to calm her. If there was no calming mom and she was fully agitated, the doctor said it was ok to give mom a half or quarter of a seroquel to calm her down. Usually she fell asleep in her tecliner for a couple of hours then had no memories of what upset her when she woke up.
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Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
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Believing they are being stolen from is an example of a paranoid delusion, they believe it even though there is no evidence to support that belief. While most hallucinations seem to be benign and you can play along, paranoia is always toxic and needs to be treated.
Her biggest delusion was her (phantom) cat. One day she wanted to know why it wasn't on her bed and I said it was a nice day and it had gone out for a walk. A vegetarian, at meal times she would ask others for meat for her cat and wheel the halls looking for it. One day in the dining room she bent down to pet it and over she went, wheelchair and all, ending up in the ER. I bought her several stuffed animals and she never mentioned the cat again.
Now I humor her. I tell her that I'm going to help her first then help them or just tell her that I didn't hear them calling but instead just heard her so I am talking care of her. I just let her talk to people, let her smile and laugh at them grateful that she at least has a smile on her face. I notice at night she's actually not bothering me as much on the nights she's actively talking to people. Not sure if it's a good thing or not she talks to my mom, her husband and sister but it doesn't seem to harm her and come morning it stops.
She also dreams a lot. I figure it is because she wakes herself up having terrible sleeping habits. Plus she's anxious a lot so she has a hard time sleeping at night but she'll wake up in the middle of the night and try to tell me I have to get the baby who just crawled out of the room. Humoring her once again helps so perhaps just pretending like it's real, trying to see it as something not harmful and just letting it happen is best since they are essentially living in a world we don't see and can't understand.
Dad went fishing with his buddies. They've been gone almost a week. Do you know when they'll be back?
[I knew she meant my dad -- she called her dad Pa -- and he has been dead about 20 years.]
No, I don't, but I hope they bring a LOT of fish! We can have a good fish fry.
A little later, sitting in a craft session, she wondered out loud what she should make for dinner, and if she needed to go to the store. (She has not cooked for at least 5 years.) I asked, "What did you used to like to cook, when we were kids?" We named a few things and soon everyone at the table chimed in. Only the younger ones had tacos a lot, the older ones deep fried more, and so on. It was a pretty lively discussion.
There would have been No Point in explaining the "reality" to Mom. Anticipating a nice fish fry was better than discussing when my father died, and talking about food was pleasant for everyone, even those who hadn't cooked in decades.
It is hardest when the delusion is scary to the patient. But if it is not awful it is best just to go along with it and redirect the topic if possible.
I feel for you and I believe we, in our house, are heading down your path. Things aren't quite that bad but almost 90% of experiences/hallucinations are bad/negative. My MIL often thinks we are taking her things, stealing her money and are trying to kill her or want her dead. She accepts no help and is generally unpleasant to be around. Though the other day she was in the middle of one of her episodes and I stuck my head in her room and said are you calling me and she replied no but didn't you want to go see the chickens? (She use to have chickens) so I told her not right now but maybe later. That was the most pleasant exchange between us in months! All I can say is, it is nerve racking and takes its tool on everyone in this house.
Problem solved, until the next time.
To them it is real. Proceed accordingly! My Mom kept seeing all kinds of bugs. We would spray a little bug s(air fresher)
If she is dreaming/hallucinating about something unpleasant I'll rub her back or shoulder and do my best to convince her it is just a bad dream, then I'll talk about something pleasant to try to distract her.