Mom has landed herself back in the hospital again with a UTI and likely sepsis. I am predicting a three day stay, which will lead to a 30 day stay in a rehab facility. They will most likely ask me where I would like Mom to go.
My choices are:
1) A facility about 5-10 minutes from my house. The care is adequate, but not spectacular. The décor is dreary, but the place is clean, food is horrible, really horrible, but mom doesn't eat anyway. Mom won't participate in any activities anyway, but the offerings are lame.
2) A facility 30-35 minutes away. I have not seen it, but I have heard good things.
On a website that rates rehab facilities and nursing homes, #1 has a 78% rating and #2 has a 90% rating.
If Mom goes to facility #1 I will visit her 5-6 days a week, usually short visits, but I have been known to stay longer or visit more than once a day. My kids will visit some.
If Mom goes to Facility #2, I will only visit her once, maybe twice a week because I have a 12 and 14 year old, work full-time and part-time as a Disney Travel Agent, hold a position on the HOA board and have a husband who travels a lot.
Either way, I will keep Carol, one of her caregivers, on the schedule for a few hours a day. Carol lives minutes from falicity #2.
So, would you put your mother in a lesser place but with more company or a better place with little company? As of right now, it would be for 30-40 days but I won't rule out that it could become permanent.
The plan is to keep her in my home, where she has resided for the past two years. What is being discussed is a 30-60 stint at rehab following a brief hospital stay. She is on day two of the hospital stay and I anticipate that rehab will follow.
She has a festering UTI which has caused leg weakness and confusion. She vomited and her wet lung sounds cause the doctors to suspect aspiration and maybe the onset of aspiration pneumonia.
There really are no programs that will help Mom stay in her home based on her assets and income bracket. She is self pay. She pays for 44 hours a week care (while I work) and I provide the rest of the care for free. We can manage right now but I may have to consider a higher lever of care eventually.
And, BTW, she does not enjoy "life to the fullest" despite our best efforts. I don't know if she has given up or finds it too demanding but her days are mostly moving from bed to toilet to TV chair, lather rinse repeat. We all try to engage her, get her out, get her to have conversations. Honestly, how different is life at home different from life in a facility if she is no longer interested in participating?
I didn't take that as rude at all. It is a legitimate question. Mom has had previous stays at the facility near me. The first two times were a couple of years ago when she had been in my brother's custody. I don't know how the place near me was chosen since she lived 40 minutes away but it worked out. The rehab center was literally on my commute home so I just popped in ever day.
I have since switched jobs and homes so it is not on my commute but when she was there for five weeks this past January and early February, I did find time in my schedule to stop in 5-6 days a week. in fact, on weekends, if she was napping when I came to visit, I didn't mind popping back later in the day because it was so close.
I agree that Mom will only get worse and I am contemplating where she will be in the long term. I think if it is a long term placement I would even consider placing her near my brothers rather than near me. They won't visit her there either but at least it won't be my fault.
I can't imaging the rehab center having a problem with Carol visiting but not a bad idea to ask what the policy is.
I have brought in two other caregivers and "promoted her" to Chief of Staff. She has Mom alone for few hours a day but she is also responsible for scheduling, covering shifts, running errands, shopping for Mom, filling pill packs etc.
My plan is to temporarily lay off the other two caregivers while mom is in rehab and hope that I still have them when she is released.
Carol will stay on (as she did last time Mom was in rehab) and visit with Mom and such (and bring her laundry either home or to my house).
Rehab #1 is near my house. Carol can see rehab #2 from her house. That would be one good thing about rehab #2. Carol could pop in often.
We are in a rural area. We have one place (the not great one) 5-10 minutes from my house; the good one 30-35 minutes away and another one that I know nothing about right next to that one. Everything else is an hour or so away and I have no reason to believe that they would be any better than the second place.
I know my Dad's 2 regular caregivers were highly protective of him. And if something wasn't quite right, they would find the right person to speak with at the senior facility.
Do you plan to keep on with Mom's caregiver? I did with my Dad, but we agreed he didn't need them a full day, only in the mornings so he would have the same smiling face when he woke up.
Now my mother-in-law is in a place quite close to me. The convenience, for all of us, more than outweighs the perceived lack of amenities. It is an older, smaller facility, but she has a private room, and there is relatively low staff turnover. Yes she complains about the food (but then they all do ;) Comes with the territory. My late mom (in the nicer but farther facility with the better food) eventually complained about the food too - and it was perfectly fine!!! Their worldview becomes smaller, magnifying their "issues." We will get there ourselves one day, so I try to take it with a grain of salt.
And the single room is a big part of the decision. Mom seems to be a magnet for crappy roommates and to have, not only a roommate, but a roommate three feet from you is claustrophobic to me. It would be different if the roommate would be company for Mom - I would not feel the need to visit so much but I know she will get a bad one.
So, just when I decide to keep mom at the closer place, I get this overwhelming feeling that I DESERVE for her to be farther away so that I can limit my visits to once a week and make it respite care for me.
But, if she will miss being visited by you and your kids, then #1 may work out better, especially if your kids can visit on their own as they grow up, and are willing to do that. That is priceless.
What is in your heart? When I ask a question like you have asked, I usually know what I want to do - I'm just looking for approval. So, really, what is it you are wanting to do?
Although I like the idea of really checking out the place and even trying the food, I work full time and live 30+ minutes away. I send Mom's caregiver to check out two places and she felt that the one we are considering is much better than where Mom usually goes. I did stop by there last night and I didn't find the facility itself to be much different from the other one so it must be the care and staffing that are the big difference.
The not so good/close to home has one person per room in what used to be a two person room so lots of space and privacy. The better/but far away place is all shared rooms and they are really cramped.
I am very on the fence but I am thinking that it is most likely only for a month or so, so maybe I shouldn't overthink it.
You really only know others opinions if you don't check it out for yourself.
Peace of mind goes along way.
I placed my mom in a AL facility one hour from my home. It was the best place I could find within her income limits. It's very nice, in the country, they don't have a large turn-over with staff, the food is good, it clean and the facility and grounds are well cared for. Sometimes I wish she was closer, but I know she is in the best place possible.