Mom is in assisted living and has been diagnosed with moderate Alzheimer's. We are her only family in the state and we generally visit her 3-4 times per week. As caregivers, we both need some "us time" to recharge. However, we do feel guilty about leaving. Our daughter will be able to look in on Mom when we are gone. Any feedback is much appreciated.
Go and have a great time. She will be safe.
Grandma1954's response sums up what I would say - assess her ability to determine day/time.
If she isn't aware, I wouldn't bring the trip up at all. This also applies if/when you tell her something and she forgets it promptly!
If she is aware, I would provide dates/times/plans, etc, probably on a calendar, so she would know where and when you are. This would probably be best provided just before the trip, so as to lessen any chance for her to get anxious about it. Provide that with daughter in attendance, to assure mom that she'll have a familiar face visiting/caring while you are away!
While our mother has dementia (probably vascular), and has been in MC/AL for 3.5 years now, her biggest issue is with short-term memory. She is/has been capable of most self-care, albeit with some prompting now. She repeats herself a lot and is drifting back in time some (asking for her mom and dad), but really has no concept of day/time. She likely wouldn't know if I visited daily or yearly!
In her case, I would NOT tell her. I did give her a calendar (initially a full one like she used to rely on when living alone, but that disappeared, so I got a 2 year pocket calendar), mainly so I can write down appointments, etc - it helps to reduce the need to cajole her to get us out the door! Otherwise, that calendar is almost useless as she has no idea what month or even day it is.
If she knows that you visit Monday, Wednesday and Friday and she will miss your visit then yes tell her.
If she does not know when you visit, the day and how many days there are between your visits then I would not tell her.
In the first scenario she would be aware of your absence in the second she would not.
As others have said make sure the facility is aware you are going to be away.
I would also leave your daughter's information in case of emergency. Give your Daughter authority to make decisions. I only suggest this because in an emergency they will want the ability to do begin treatment right away and if you are 10 hours away to wait for a physical authorization might be longer than they want. If your daughter can authorize treatment in your absence that would be a time saver. Obviously they and she would consult you in such matters.
And if your MIL has a DNR or POLST make sure your daughter has a copy as well as the facility.
You'll send post cards or something will you? They'll be helpful to the staff when it comes to explaining, as well as nice for your mother to get. I used to send chatty emails to mother, via the facility's office, when she was in respite care; but as your mother is a permanent resident here and not holding her breath until it's time to go home again I shouldn't think that would be necessary for you.
And then go, and have a wonderful time, and come back firing on all cylinders. Bon voyage!
Yes, I would rather be there, but I also need to be with my husband. Will I enjoy the trip? Who knows.
Thats a very practical package you left. I hope you have someone to call for YOUR piece of mind so that you can enjoy the trip.
Don't tell until you're practically on the way. If you lay out an itinerary with dates, she could follow along. A phone call or two to her during the time away would probably help.
we did that too. It really does depend on the elder. My mom didn’t have dementia but she was very anxious about any trip she had to take so we told her the absolute last minute. But she loved to hear about others travel so I think it depends on the senior.
You could share your trip with your mom with brochures or maps or points of interest you plan to visit. Maybe an album or a bulletin board for her to refer to.
You might ask your daughter to come with you when you tell her you are going and have her record the conversation on her cell phone. Then when mom forgets daughter can replay the video for her.
Of course she could edit out any upset mom might have so that portion is not reinforced by reviewing it. If she doesn’t ask for you, daughter could respond appropriately and not bring it up that you are away.
Additionally you could record things you see or do and send it to daughter to share on her visits.
You could also send post cards along the way.
Facetiming might be too stressful for her and defeat your benefit of getting away. Also send a card to the nurses and ask for a good time to call in and check on mom to reassure you that all is well.
Have a wonderful time.
Is she able to use a calendar to keep track of days of the week, the activities in her residence, TV Schedules?
When you visit, does she speak things that occurred during your last visit, or have occurred SINCE your last visit?
My LO has almost NO functional short term memory. The passage of hours/days/weeks, mean nothing to her, as far as we can determine. She comfortably spends time in the present, but her present and distant past are all that she has available to her.
I am fairly confident that if we were to go away, she would be unaware of the difference when we returned.
If your mother is in a similar situation, I’d wait until your last visit before your departure before telling her.
If she has recollection of the passage of current time, I’d buy a large calendar and indicate departure, destinations, and events, and post it in a conspicuous place in her room. Perhaps also mention to her caregivers to introduce conversations about your travels during the time you’re away.
ENJOY YOUR TRIP!!!!!