After much agony, my sisters and I have finally decided to move my mother with Alzheimers into a nursing facility. She can barely see and can't remember one minute to the next. I don't think she will even realize she is in a nursing home. I plan on telling her we are going there to visit a friend. That's all. Is that disrespectful or immoral? I have been caring for my mother 24/7 for over a year and I know that she won't understand or remember my explanation. However, if any negative feelings associated with the words, "nursing home" come up, she WILL remember those. She does remember emotions. She won't know WHY she's feeling sad or anxious. She'll just pace around all anxious. I truly believe it is more detrimental to tell her. Thoughts?
Put it in a journal, or in an envelope, but have mercy on your Mom, and don’t subject her to grief. Most nursing homes do not resemble the institutions that she may have seen in her younger years.
Your mom won’t remember if you tell her or not. This is more about you and your grief.
If you have adult children, and they can handle it, maybe share the letter with them.
I, like so many of us, have had zero training in dementia and the accompanying decisions, until I was forced to by crisis circumstances.
I am sharing portions of my caregiving journey with my adult children. I don’t ever want them to have to go in blind, like I did.
Best wishes.