Am the sole care giver to my 97 y/o mother and only child. Advised I need a knee replacement "asap". My wife recently passed with cancer. I have examined local asst. living sites, that would allow her to stay as a respite status....NOT full time. One center was used by close friends who had positive experiences. I have friends who encourage the surgery, but no "I" am the one wearing the black hat...any suggestions....I can forgo the surgery and who knows (not getting younger" suggestions appreciated...Thanks
If your mother is 97, you're probably in your 70s? Your mother's needs are only going to increase. You need a long-term plan that does not include being the sole caregiver to your mother.
Schedule the knee surgery. Schedule your mother for a respite stay. Why won't they accept her full-time when they have a spot for her for respite?
What do you think will happen if you don't get the surgery? What happens when you can no longer physically be your mother's 24/7/365 caregiving slave?
Your mom can pay for caregivers to come in while you recover from surgery AND while you rehab.
You can place mom in a facility that will be appropriate for the level of care that she needs. (MC if she has dementia or AL if she can manage some things on her own) Mom pays for the time that she is in respite stay. AND she should be there for a while not just your day of surgery, allow yourself rehab time. (If you do rehab in a facility for more intense rehab it is possible that you might be in the same building)
If mom is on Hospice Hospice will cover almost 1 week of respite so you can have surgery and a few days to recover once she is home caregivers should come in to help you out with her.
Your mom is a selfish you know what. Put her in respite. Get your knee surgery and take care of you.
Personally I would leave her in a nursing home permanately.