I’ll try and make this short. My sister and her husband live in mom’s house. Mom is retired, 82 and has short term memory loss and now, cancer. I live out of state and visit as much as I can, talk to her every day and offer some financial assistance. My sister because she helps pay mortgage and is a care giver tells me she owns the house with her husband. She is also POA. Though mom is still alive I made it very clear sister does not own the house until mom is no longer with us she is adamant that she and husband are partial owners. Paying mortgage does not make one the owner but she doesn’t let it sink in. I wanted to visit and spend more time with mom as I do not have the financial resources to pay for hotels this would be the best option. I would assist with some bills and spend time with mom walking, cooking etc. (whatever needs to be done). I am told I can stay at the house only after her my sister speaks to her husband. Now there have been NO domestic disputes whatsoever and I have no criminal record. Sister has a type a persona and controls all around her with an iron fist, unfortunately I do not agree. Given my mom’s fragile situation I did get upset over the issue and told her via phone. What legal reason does my sibling have to contest she owns the house and not allow family to stay? Sorry I’ve no one to turn to and I am frustrated that she acts in such poor manner given there are only the three of us left alive in the family sister, brother and mom. Any tips or opinions would be gladly reviewed even if not in my favor. Thanks!
1) You want to visit your Mom?
So go visit a few hours in the day, take her out somewhere, then leave and go home. Be polite.
You want to use the fact of who owns the home to prove you have the right to visit overnight, because Mom owns the home? That is not polite or good manners.
2) You provide financial assistance to Mom, so you feel, as family, entitled to details of her finances and details about ownership of the home? See an attorney, and do not assume you have any right to see the will.
You say you don't have the financial resources to pay for a hotel, but provide financial help to Mom, AND can help out with some bills-if allowed to stay as a guest of A) your Mom, AND, as a guest of B) your sister and her husband.
You have caused a dispute and challenged who owns Mom's home. Why would anyone want you to spend the night?
My advice to you:
1) Take your own money and pay for a hotel. Visit Mom by taking her out.
It is not true that you don't have the money. Make an adjustment on the finances that you provide to Mom.
2) Do not expect your sister to host you in a home she is residing in with her husband. Helping Mom out financially does not give you overnight rights. There, no matter who owns the home, you have no rights, and no invitation. Be polite.
3) Do everything you can to mend the rift between your sister and you. Both of you are acting in such a poor manner. And you have been insensitive to sis, rude, intrusive, and entitled. You need to apologize and make amends.
I do not think that you would be this invested if you did not care for your Mom, and your sister.
1) Take your own money and pay for a hotel. Visit Mom by taking her out.
It is not true that you don't have the money. Make an adjustment on the finances that you provide to Mom.
Again I am financially limited and do what I can. I never said I didnt have money please read before you post advice like this!
2) Do not expect your sister to host you in a home she is residing in with her husband. Helping Mom out financially does not give you overnight rights. There, no matter who owns the home, you have no rights, and no invitation. Be polite.
Thats rather obvious. I never stated I had rights because I assist a little financially you assumed that but mom does still have the scruples to offer the invite unfortunately sister over rides everything when its not according to sisters will. You see where I am coming from or should I write this all on a blackboard in colored chalk?
3) Do everything you can to mend the rift between your sister and you. Both of you are acting in such a poor manner. And you have been insensitive to sis, rude, intrusive, and entitled. You need to apologize and make amends.
Again I have been diplomatic (did you read that?) and its ok for some time until the knit picking and controlling starts again. Rude insensitive intrusive and entitled? I hope YOU do not have children as you are clearly on the defensive here without even clearly reading what I initially wrote. Are you on here to vent your frustrations with men as it surely comes across that way!
First I requested a copy of the will and was never given a copy by the POA aka my sister. I was very patient and asked her many times she lead me on saying she didnt have the time until she finally stated lets wait until moms deceased. So I am in the dark there.
Second this comment: "You seem to think that sister taking 24/7 care of her mother, doing all the POA work, paying the mortgage should be done free?
I honestly don't know WHAT you think, nor would I want to guess."
Who are YOU to pass judgement on me and assume? I try and offer as much support as I can long distance, taking most of my vacations to see mom and in fact offered to take care of her if this was too much for my sister whom many a time stated my mother is "quite a lot to deal with". I would have gladly exchanged places so the next time you say something so heartless think about it and stop assuming a family member doesnt care. I would not be asking for insight here IF I did not care.
Mom has some savings not alot. I was told $100k but sister never gave me actual proof even after asking numerous times. Moms not in need yet of any outside assistance but who know what the future brings and what will happen to the $100K if its spent on mom thats ok. I agree on the motel but I do not make alot of money and my mom of asked would gladly allow me to stay but the sister would have her powers challenged causing friction an old lady really does not need. I dont see a solution in the situation and as I have tried diplomatically in the past to get financial records, expenses etc it was an act of futility and quite honestly it eats away at me knowing these are the last few years of her life and her siblings need to act in this manner. Again I am fully aware shes the caregiver but staying at the house would give me the financial breather and allow me to take some of the burden off my sister. I guess its a no win situation! I will be checking the deed as recommended. Thank you to everyone here who took the time to reply.
THAT IS THE LAW, not personal opinion. If you don't believe me go to an attorney.
You have no right to see the will. No right to see the POA papers. No right to see the financial statements or records.
What you DO HAVE A RIGHT TO is to go to an attorney, give them your EVIDENCE of fraud or wrongdoing.
Then that attorney will AT YOUR COST go to the courts to ask a judge to call your sister, as POA, to account to HIM (not you) with her record keeping. The judge will then reassure you that records are intact, or will not, and will assign a court appointed Fiduciary to manage your mother's funds.
You are very angry. That's fine. But your estrangement from your sis and mom is your problem. Not ours. If you don't wish to have any input from this forum, which is only trying to help and inform you, then don't come to us with questions.
YOU SISTER HAS NOTHING TO PROVE TO YOU.
IF she is also the executor on Mom's will then she will inform you by mail as stipulated by the law and you can check on the will when filed for probate. It is a matter, then of public record. If you are a named beneficiary, then after the estate is entirely settled, you and any other beneficiary will receive your inheritance.
I personally have zero patience with siblings at war, tearing their poor parents apart when they are at their most vulnerable. I think it is cruel to create dissension when your mother is in the care of your sister, and she providing for her.
The PoA needs to be very careful about how they manage your Mom's financial affairs so that she can never be disqualified delayed this benefit for "gifting".
"You are not the property owner when your name is on the mortgage but not on deed. Your role on the mortgage is merely that of a co-signer. Because your name appears on the mortgage, you are responsible for making the payments on the loan, just like the property owner."
Source: https://attorneysre.com/name-not-on-mortgage-but-on-the-deed/#:~:text=You%20are%20not%20the%20property,just%20like%20the%20property%20owner.
It is possible she had your Mom put her name on the deed at some point?
A PoA doesn't legally have to prove they actually have it by showing documents. Is she also the executor of your Mom's Will? Does your Mom have a Will?
What are your mother’s thoughts on all of this? Is your sister’s name on the deed? Does your mom have a will or other legal documents in place?
What a shame that there is friction between you and your sister when your mom is so ill.
Wishing you and your family well.
I hope, myself, that as POA she has seen an elder law attorney with mom and has made out legal cost of living sharing contract and so on. She is clearly caring for her mother. If she hasn't such a document in place then any funds mom gives her will be considered "gifting" and melding of titles, ownership, payment is a terrible idea overall for your SISTER'S protection and your Mother's as well.
Your mother may become too ill to care for in home.
OR your sister may become ill and die.
Then what for mother, if she doesn't have a good financial trail and careful record keeping by her POA.
All of this is NOT to say you have any legal right at all to know the details of sister and mom's legal or financial arrangements. You really don't. If you suspect fraud, elder abuse, you can call APS and ask an investigation be opened, but as POA sister doesn't have to share any information with you.
ALL OF THAT SAID, other than warning your sister she may be paying on a mortgage but may end up homeless, jobless and without money and the government clawing back anything spent on mother--what can you do?
You seem to think that sister taking 24/7 care of her mother, doing all the POA work, paying the mortgage should be done free?
I honestly don't know WHAT you think, nor would I want to guess.
Since this is all quite complicated I would suggest you pay a visit to an elder law attorney, and find out what options you have. If you have PROOF of any wrong doing by your sister then you can ask the court to examine her POA papers, and her filing and record keeping. That will cost you.
What other options you have are best to come from an expert in this field; that's an attorney.
Now as POA the sister, if mom cannot act for herself with competency, does decide who stays in the house. She has that right.
And as for you, you, when visiting are best off, given the sibling rivalry here, to stay somewhere like motel 6 during your visit. This will relieve pressure.
Best wishes out to you.