Hi everyone. I hope you are all doing well, hanging in there, staying strong!
My stepdad, 88, was admitted to a hospital after a series of bad sundowning episodes.
He has been at the hospital for over a month now and we're still waiting for a long term care facility placement for him. Two facilities denied him due to the fact that he requires a sitter and he has daily episodes of wandering and elopement. Unfortunately, those facilities don't have a secured/locked memory care unit. Meanwhile, the other facilities denied him simply because they don't have the capacity to accomodate another resident.
I flew home and took time off from work so I could assist my mom with all of this. she's on fmla leave for over a month now which is unpaid. she's in so much stress and anxiety. the first two weeks, she'd sleep over at the hospital with my stepdad despite not being able to sleep properly at night because that's when my dad's sundowning episodes get worse. she has recently stopped doing this and just visits him daily for a few hours instead.
After the denial from the facilities, the hospital case manager/social worker sort of hinted at my mom the option of discharging my stepdad for her to bring him home.
This is our first time dealing with all of this so even I don't know exactly what's happening. I finally urged my mom to consult with an elderly care lawyer. she went with my sister, and they were told that it's the hospital's responsibility to look for a placement for my dad that is safe and that caters to his needs. They were also advised that if the hospital tells my mom he needs to be discharged and she needs to pick him up, she should say no.
English is not my mom's first language and she can be very timid and shy. I worry that there will come a point that the hospital will try to intimidate her into agreeing to bring my stepdad back home.
Should I tell her to limit her visits to my stepdad at the hospital? Will that help make a statement that my mom taking him back will never be an option? Would that make them more motivated to find a placement for my stepdad? My mom also stresses so much about the hospital not yet finding a placement for my dad to the point where she almost wants me to do their job for them.
I initially thought of helping the case manager look for facilities, but I fear that doing this will just delay the process even more. Should I just let them handle this completely? Let them do their job?
I literally have been staying up all night til 4am since I got here doing research, hoping to find useful information and honestly i've been feeling so stressed out myself.
I appreciate all the insights that you guys can provide. thank you so much!
as ive stated in my last update, we declined the first facility that is willing to accept my stepdad due to the overall bad condition of the facility. i just spoke with the cm again just now and was told that since he's been in the hospital for an extended period of time (almost 2 months), they'll have to start charging him for each day that he's there. according to the cm, it's $2,500 per day.
my stepdad's only income is $800 something from social security and my mom makes very little so they definitely cannot afford this.
is there anything we can do to appeal this? can we ask for an extension of some sort?
when my mom visisted him over the weekend, she spoke with the nurse and asked for her opinion. since my stepdad has been having more difficulty walking on his own, the nurse said she doesn't think he is still considered an elopement risk and that a secured/locked unit may no longer be a requirement for him.
we thought maybe it would be a good idea to have him reassessed again by regular nursing homes, maybe they'll accept him this time around. although, i was told that his history of elopement and being combative will stay in his records.
any advice would be greatly appreciated.
maybe try the regular NH route.
not surprised by hospital, there was a facility willing to take him, but they were turned down. hospital finds out about this, and brings up the charges.
In short, they want him out of there so they can free up a bed/room.
Oops just realized it was the hospital. They will bill, but it doesn't mean they have to pay that. If they own property and assets, they may want to hire an attorney. If they don't have much in assets, they don't need to worry about the bill, but a lot will revolve around how much equity they have in the home whether it is worth it to hire an attorney or not.
Sounds to me skilled nursing unit would be more suitable for his care needs.
Assistant living is for those that are able to feed themselves, weight bearing with light assistance able to be independent in their room with 2 hours checks. Usually the staff ratio is 1/15 one aid to 15 residents. There are assistant living facilities with locked down memory care units. Full personal care is provided. Everything is locked away for safety. All activities are geared for advanced dementia. Most are understaffed with a high use of temporary agency staff. No one gets the care that is promised when you tour the building. Food is awful. And being a resident your surrounded by others with advanced dementia can be very chaotic. The cost where I work for memory care starts at 10 grand a month the more assistance needed the price goes up. Or private duty find aids that will come to the home on your own. 12 hour shifts usually $20 an hour. There are home care agencies but the pay is low your lucky if someone shows up.
There is controversy over medication but if staying home is better don't feel guilty about having your father be put on medication that calms him down I did it with my mother. Why have them filled with anxiety and fear when with the right dosages they're not zombies but they're not trying to escape out the door yelling at the neighbors you don't feed them they're being held against their will.
Hope you find the right environment.