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My mother is like this, and a couple times I've typed up a FAQ with answers. This has worked reasonably well and helped to maintain both my sanity and voice (she is very hard of hearing, so I have to speak LOUD).
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BeverlyJane Feb 2020
I've done that!
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You have my sympathy, as I know how stressful the repetitions and questions can be. To my knowledge, there really isn't anything that you can do about it. I'd try to stay calm and answer each question like it's the first time you've heard it, because, you can't make her remember. If you point it out, she'll forget that too. So, continuing to answer is the only option. I think some caregivers get frustrated and snappy at the LO with dementia, based on what I read, but, that won't help either. I'd suggest taking breaks as often as you can and really arranging for respite time. It's crucial for your own mental health.

Oh,, if you think that she's obsessed with something or overly worried and anxious, you might discuss it with her doctor and explore medication. Sometimes, they may be obsessed and really bothered about something that they can't let go of and it's not so much just forgetting, but, obsessing. My LO was obsessed with her cat and was constantly looking for it, worried over it, wouldn't let it go, etc. Medication later, really helped her a lot.

I'd also keep in mind that most of the time, this phase does pass.
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disgustedtoo Feb 2020
If I end up on this path mom is on, I will likely be like your LO regarding the cat! =^..^=

I have more than one, have had cats since my college days, and the oldest has been with me 21 years now (in addition to her slow CKD progression, treatment for thyroid, and lung spots, she has now developed kitty dementia!! I can relate even more to the repetition - she gets into agitated states, yowling at the wall, doors, in the litter box, gets into agitated loops, sometimes falling or knocking things over due to some instability, and follows me around if I try to move away!!! It is very hard to get her focused on something else. FUN stuff!)
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You answer over and over. You can change the wording of the answer that might help if she is not understanding. In most cases they "forget" they have asked the question and or they "forgot" the answer.
You can try to change the subject and redirect to another topic or better another activity.
What you can't do is get upset, frustrated, angry. Well you can get all of those things but you just can't show it.
If you raise your voice that will scare her or confuse her.
Try lowering the pitch of your voice and s-l-o-w down when you talk.
"We" all talk so fast that someone that has a hard time grasping what is being said gets lost in the conversation. And higher tones are some of the first lost so slowing down and talking in a lower pitch might help.
I read that it can take 30 to 45 seconds for a thought to be processed by a person with dementia. If you think about "normal" conversation in 45 seconds we are on to another topic, it is easy to see why and how it can be frustrating to keep up.
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disgustedtoo Feb 2020
"What you can't do is get upset, frustrated, angry." Additionally, don't try to convince her what she is saying is wrong or argue. It is pointless and will only frustrate you and possibly anger both of you!

It is like having a toddler who asks the same things over and over. We have to just answer and keep it simple, but try to change focus to something else. Offer a drink, snack, other activity to keep her "busy".

This behavior is what clued me in to mom having an issue. It DOES get annoying and under your skin, if you let it! Mom still does this, often. During a recent visit, we were stuck in a loop. She was, as usual, reading the sale flyer in the paper and kept pointing to some slip on shoes, saying she'd like them (doesn't really need any!) and they are only $29! I showed her similar shoes at WM via my phone and they are only $10. She would coo over that, and then repeat the whole scenario! I asked the staff person nearby how to change the channel!!!

If you try all the "tricks" but she continues and you feel your frustration building, try to excuse yourself (bathroom is always a good reason) and move away from the situation. By the time you get back, she might have moved on to the next topic... Rinse and repeat!! Deep breath and try to move on.
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