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My wife is currently in a nursing home for inpatient physical therapy after breaking her neck in a freak accident and the little old lady in the room next to hers thinks I'm her husband on some days. One night while we were dealing with one of my wife's panic attacks, she wheeled herself into the room and started hollering at the nurses "What are you doing with my husband in here?!!". Other days, I've been the ice cream man, a nurse, an orderly and a police officer.

I just figure she's not at herself and go about the helping tend to my wife.
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Jannner Mar 2020
Lol, this is my mother with my husband. My husband has been everyone from her deceased spouse to the maintenance man lol
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My 93 yr old mom believes any male who says hello to her is flirting.
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sunshinelife Mar 2020
:):):) You just made my whole day .....:) LOL!!
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Yes, this is all too familiar to me.  My mom watches lifetime movies and all the sudden she is living it.  She would tell me her physical therapist was putting her in sexual positions and then oddly laugh … It is embarrassing and I usually change the subject.  My mom has very detailed stories like "that nurse is having an affair with that male employee and she is jealous of me and thinks I am trying to move in on her man and she is trying to get me kicked out of here."  The assisted living facility called me yesterday at work to tell me she was all worked up and telling everyone the nurse was trying to get her kicked out.  It is exhausting and embarrassing and all I can tell you is to deflect the conversation and pray for serenity.  If you can find a glimmer of humor in the situation, that might help, but most times I have trouble doing that. LOL
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sunshinelife Mar 2020
you gave it all away in the first line "she watches a lot of Lifetime movies" they are drawn out soap operas. All those nasty meds they fill the elderly with, no wonder they have trouble telling fantasy from reality...We would also. What about a little less romantic drama tv, some Nature shows...and some documentaries from when she was a young lady? I set up my Grandpa's tv so he can watch YouTube documentaries. and movies. He is so excited to tell me about ball games he watched from his early years....or the area where he grew up. Makes him happy
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My mom thought the same thing when she was in the hospital. My mom is 82 now and was 80 then, and the male nurse was 24 years old and my mom thought he liked her and was attracted to her, when in reality she was attracted to him. It is real cute. Just let it be. Even though our parents are old, they are still attracted to younger men. It is a good thing for them. Attraction keeps them going! My mom still looks at men in their 30's, 40's and 50's and thinks they are cute and she wishes to be young again so she can flirt. However, she is still flirting!
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Yes this is not new to me, when I have my mother in respite she tells me strange things she has couples sleeping with her in her little bed. Also it depends what she views on TV it becomes reality. My Mother was watching Titanic a movie she use to love, well halfway through the movie I here her yelling help help get me out get me out. I go in her room she tells me the ship is sinking we gotta get off.
well that was it, I now pick her movies very carefully. Back to the bed thing. She tells me there is someone in her bed all the time. She can see them. But when I put her in for the night she says OK they have gone. I have gotten to the point that nothing she says is going to make any sense.
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Your hunch is most likely correct and it’s highly unlikely there is anything going on with the male aide. However, there have been cases where inappropriate sexual things have gone on with staff members taking advantage of residents/patients. You could install a camera and/or voice this situation to higher ups and ask for a different aide which would actually protect the male aide’s reputation. Although evidently he is now accompanied by a female aide, that might not be a good long term solution, as it’s not very practical for scheduling purposes unless she needs two-person assist.

Sometimes our LO’s say all kinds of crazy things that really don’t matter, but this scenario might be worth exploring for peace of mind all around. Good luck.
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Oh my word -- I guess you have to see the humor in it, but also feel for the male aide! Your mother probably misses male companionship and created this fantasy relationship to fill that need. My mother - who has severe dementia - also tells strange things about the people at the nursing home. Lately she's been asking if my dad (who passed 23 years ago and she had been divorced from for 25 years prior to that) is "still planning on marrying that woman who works here." When I tell her that dad died years ago, she says "yes, I know." Then, ten minutes later "Is your dad getting married?" *Slap forehead*
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sunshinelife Mar 2020
She still loves your late father.
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I would like to say it's harmless, but I am not so sure. Maybe if he didn't come around, she would forget about him?
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Jannner Mar 2020
That’s exactly what my mother did. She moved her infatuation to the guy down the hall lol. I think it’s part of her dementia, hasn’t mentioned any love interests in the last few months so maybe that stage is over
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I've seen this too. Elderly lady who was giddy over one of the executives in charge of her nursing facility. She felt it was mutual and that the man wanted an intimate relationship with her. It was not clear when or how she met him - I always assumed he was just possibly passing through keeping an eye on things. Not clear if she even spoke to him or not. Also not clear if she ever saw him again or if he actually exists (there were multiple untrue stories being told and she was prone to hallucinating).
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sunshinelife Mar 2020
all those dam meds. look up side effects of the medicines they have her on. many of the meds given for cognitive impairment Cause more of the problems they are supposed to treat. and hallucinations are a common side effect. you might consider talking with her dr about reducing her meds to the minimum dose...
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Sometimes people with dementia become hypersexual as a result of the disease. They may believe that they are in an improbable romantic relationship, make passes at people, or make sexual jokes or comments that you NEVER would have heard before. It's another part of a cruel disease. It's important to remember that it's the disease talking, not the loved one.
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My Mom thought the Adultcare bus driver was her boyfriend. She wanted me to call him one night. I told her I didn't have his phone number or his last name. Yes, par for the course.
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It might be a good idea to have a word with the aide and let him know that you understand it’s all fantasy. It’s good that he’s bringing someone with him, but he may be concerned that you might have got the wrong idea.
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KEngMcG Mar 2020
I saw him the other day and thanked him for taking such good care of her and that I was aware that she made his job “challenging “ he seemed to catch my drift
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In another post, you mentioned your mother suffers from dementia. Believing she's in a relationship with an aide is par for the course; delusions and even hallucinations are common with this dreadful disease, and every day is brand new for issues (unfortunately).

But hey, I'm glad to hear the aide brings a female staffer in with him when tending to your mother, that's a good thing. And imo it's also a good thing that she believes this fantasy because it keeps her happy & cheerful & WANTING to keep up her appearance, and that's wonderful.

Good luck!
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As long as there is nothing going on I see no problem with this UNLESS mom is making the aid so uncomfortable that he is asking to be taken from the duties of caring for her. If so this might have an adverse effect on mom. I am glad he is bringing in another staff member to avoid any problems.
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