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My advice is just DON'T do it. We did this a couple of years ago. A normal 5 hour drive was 8 hours do to multiple needed stops. We all ended up miserable. It was a disaster as far as I am concerned. We didn't get to really visit with the realitives. They visited with each other while I took care of her. We sat in the hotel room for a good part of it while others enjoyed a boat ride. I didn't bring enough clean clothes for the overnight stay, she wet her pants through the depends. She didn't understand who poeple were. We all came home exhausted. From now on, anyone who cares to see her will have to come here. She didn't remember a single second of it within 30 minutes, all we have is bad memories of the road trip.
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CaregiverL Dec 2018
You said it better than I ever could...hugs🤗
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My advice is to do it. It sounds like you don't even want to be with him on Saturdays. This is a very tough thing and you have all the responsibility. But it may be the last chance to be with his nieces & nephews. It's about balance, your needs and his, but again, I feel you should do it. That is what love is about and taking care of your parents, is about too. I wish you the very best on this.
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drpoundsign Dec 2018
I think it all depends on how frail they are. Sometimes they can take a transoceanic plane voyage, but may need to toilet often (and have trouble getting back to their seat.) But-if it's a major event like a wedding, and/or the relative in another state (or overseas) is also frail or hospitalized, it's nice to be able to go.
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I agree with MarySS. They lose the ability to appreciate. A close friend of the family put a shower in Moms bath. He was so proud how it turned out. (It was nicer than our shower) Mom had no idea he did it for her. So could not appreciate the work he put in it.

I never told Mom anything in advance. Actually, if she didn't ask where we were going, I didn't say anything till we got there. They have no perception of time. So telling them an hr, tomorrow, next week means nothing.
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Absolutely don’t take him! You are looking for trouble! Tell whoever wants to see him to come to him...not meet halfway. They come to him or it’s nothing. I stick to day time trips with my mother & even then she gets agitated in public when access a ride doesn’t show up on time. It will affect your driving & what happens if car breaks down or traffic or whatever...You only handle what you can & no more & he also needs a home health Aide wherever he goes too...to assist w bathroom as he probably incontinent..So no overnight or long driving trips w him. Hugs 🤗
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Follow your instincts. My sister-in-law took her 90 year old mother with Alzheimer's on a plane overseas so "she" could see her brothers one last time. The thing is, she had no cognizance of who they were and it really was the daughter who wanted to do it for her mother. They had difficulty on the plane and in the hotel with a very confused 90 year old. My sister is one of the top geriatricians in the country and says that to take a patient with Alzheimer's on a trip like that borders on abuse. The caregiver knows it's not what should be done but seeks permission from others because they feel guilty. The answer lies in your question... you already know it's not in your father's best interest nor in yours. You are the main caregiver and the responsibility will ultimately fall upon you. My mom is 90 with some dementia. I tried to take her out of the NH on Father's Day and she was incontinent but refusing to get showered after I took her back to the NH to get cleaned up. She yelled at us so that she could control the situation and kicked us out. We went to the diner without her and while it hurt us, we knew that her anxiety took over and it was the best place for her - not outside. Our goal was to be able to take her out for a day, a goal that doesn't look like it will be realized because now she won't do rehab, or get out of the bed. It's sad for everyone. I feel for you... someone else wrote that your cousins should visit your dad ... that is the real answer ... if they want to see him they should visit him. One of the problems with dementia is executive function and decisionmaking. It varies depending upon what the circumstance is. Your dad does not know how he will react or the situation will unfold after a 6 hour car ride. Stay home. Get some help and please take care of yourself. You are being a great child taking your dad's interest and putting it first. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this difficult time in your life...
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The change of environment will only make his dementia worse and he probably won't even know the nieces and nephews. Make arrangements for them to come see him. At this stage of his life travel is out of the question and no one should expect otherwise.
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Your cousins haven't seen your father for years. I doubt if they have any idea what dementia is like, or how much physical work is involved in transporting him that distance, or what impact the journey and the disruption might have on him. So it wouldn't be fair to be annoyed with them for their little fantasy about Uncle's Exciting Spring Road Trip but not in a million years would I agree to it, either.

All visitors would be most welcome, of course.

And, perhaps, one of them could pop along to their grandparents' graves, lay some fresh flowers and send a picture.

Feeling like you don't have a choice... Look. You have been doing this job on your own for four years. There may be very good reasons for that which are nobody's fault and nobody is blaming anybody. But for the family to *add* to your workload - not to mention the strain on your father - is unreasonable and unrealistic. Let them down as gently as you can but do be clear about the realities.
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Something we did for my dad to encourage family members to visit was to invite them to the facility where my dad was living and host a lunch or party for him. The facility had rooms that could be used where we could serve cake, punch, etc., or even do an entire meal, if desired. It brought family to visit dad and each other, but kept Dad in his environment. When he was ready to be wheeled back to his room, we took him back. Some of the visits were more enjoyed by him than others (as nearer the end, he had more pain due to cancer).

Consider having loved ones come to your dad, not you taking your dad to them. If your dad likes to look forward to special days, explain to him (after you can make arrangements) that on this Saturday (or whenever) so and so will be coming to celebrate time with him. My dad liked to look forward to special occasions, so telling him ahead of time was half of the fun for him. Granted, as his dementia increased this didn't always work, because he forgot by the day it was time, but for the times he remembered, he would seem excited and would talk about who all was coming to see him.
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Your dad's health and safety come before your family's priorities. If family members want to see him, they can come visit (and stay at a hotel). Dementia isn't a cold, it's not a slight inconvenience, it's real, it's permanent, it's debilitating, degenerative and difficult and apparently none of them have a clue how to deal for even one day with what you deal with every day. Be as polite as you can, but stand your ground. To be honest, if you can get them to stop "pushing him" for a visit to them, he is liable to forget about it in a few days, anyway..... And yes, get input from his doctors. I have serious doubts that any of them would think this is a good idea and would give you the solid information you need to (hopefully) convince your family.
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I took my 90 year old mom with dementia to Vermont from FL to my son’s wedding. She complained the whole time before and during the trip. It was So stressful! I have to say that she glowed during the wedding and had a great time; although she had many moments of confusion. But just the other day, I asked if she liked the picture I sent of us at the wedding, and she asked, “Who got married?” Do you really want to put yourself and your dad through that kind of stress only for him to forget you did it?
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Simple Answer. No. I cared for my Alzheimer's mother for 5-1/2 years. My niece wanted me to bring her to a baby shower. Two and 1/2 hours away from our home! (5 hour R/T drive) I said No. She got angry. I didn't care. Family members just don't realize the weight we carry when taking care of a loved one - then let alone want to travel? They just don't get it. Plus, I agree with other posts. I would take Mom somewhere then 90 minutes later she was ready to leave. It is overwhelming for them. Plus, it is overwhelming for YOU. Family tensions may arise but it's better than jeopardizing his health and yours. . . . .
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Jasmina Dec 2018
I think family members who havent seen the elderly person in a long time, remember them as they used to be years ago. Not how they are now. They have no concept of the changes.
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At the risk of nasty responses I have to say most of the responses I have read (haven't read all of them) are missing one consideration, Dad is asking to make this trip and that might be an important consideration. I'm not really clear on just how advanced his cognitive issues are, I understand he has other issues as well but if he is in the here and now enough to ask and continue to ask to make this trip and see his nieces and nephews who are obviously important to him I would want to do everything I could to make that happen.

That said I have to agree whole heartedly that having them come to him would be the ideal but it may be that there is some significance to him that he go there too so I would feel that out a bit. I also agree, no matter what happens as far as a visit goes, starting some regular Face Time or other electronic face to face contact should happen asap. It might satisfy his need to see and visit with them, it will help them better understand his limitations, at least cognitively and if there is a visit either way it will certainly help enable the family expressing a desire to give you a break do just that. As his primary family caregiver you are and will be his security blanket but if others, your sister, her daughter are willing to take over as much of the work as they can, for goodness sake take them up on it! Having face to face contact with them for a while even electronically can only help him be more comfortable with that.

We (the brother who lives closest to Mom and I) took mom, also diabetic and with heart issues...lot's of important meds and timing for them...across country to see our other brother and his family. The plan was to combine an event with a long term visit to give my brother and I a break, they have an in-law set up ready made. We flew her from CT to CA and I stayed in CA as well as her security blanket until she was ready for me to leave, tried to just be in the background letting my brother and sister-in-law take over. The travel wasn't as difficult as we expected it just took a little thought and planning. We traveled with 2 weeks of medication portioned out in her dispensers (so familiar to her). We put her in a wheelchair for airports and my brother in CA brought her home easily enough too (both brothers are pilots so fly on passes making this easier). I live about a 5 hr drive from Mom & bro another 30 min from her, they just drove up to us Christmas day, spent the night and drove home the next day, Mom is still raving about what a special visit it was. She does get anxious about any plans, visit's, appointment's & change in general so we tend to wait to tell her about things and while she knew about this trip well in advance and I'm sure stressed some it didn't seem quite a bad as usual and when plans needed to change she didn't take the out we expected of making the trip at all which is why the day was pushed back, I guess is was something important to her, she wanted to do.
A couple ideas, is there any option for one of his regular caregivers to make the trip with you? Plan the trip to be a long weekend, you stay in that hotel room, he stays with family after you settle him in that way you are close enough if needed and rather than seeing everyone at once maybe the family there could stagger their visit time with him, going to him perhaps at his home base there, this way he won't be overwhelmed by too may people at once and can enjoy his time with each of them. It will also keep him busy and engaged while there of course. This is all if he is insistent about going to them rather than having them come to him of course. It seems to me that his wishes are what is of importance here not their willingness or lack of to travel. But your needs and support are also of prime importance so anything that can facilitate both, if possible is what I would advocate for. It sure sounds like your family while not able to grasp the day to day wants to help and want's to appreciate it.
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I realize in recent responses I have been shall we say hypocritical. To this question, I responded that I helped take my dad places prior passing, and while it was hard I look back on those trips as very valued and treasured and suggested to the Babs she look at it the same way.

Then I realized on another thread, I griped my mom who may or may not be on here way to dementia, but in any event has severe OCD wants me to accompany her on a winter vacation to Myrtle Beach like she and my dad did for twenty five years. (MDs are a little confused, as she asks the same question over and over but has done that for years because of her OCD. They have tried to run a test on her but she wont do it

So I wondered, what was the difference, why don't I follow my own advice based on my dad? Well for starters, while my dad had ALZ, he was so easy to deal with, other than the physical logistics and repeated questions. The care givers at facilities he had been at always commented how they had never seen an ALZ so mild mannered and easy going.

My mom, for whatever reason, OCD or dementia is terribly difficult. I get tired out after being with her for an hour she is so emotionally intense. (in her defense, I think my dads passing has magnified her psychological disposition and she is very very depressed, but refuses to seek treatment for it)

So to Babs, I should perhaps apologize for my earlier advice of considering how she might feel later if she did not make the trips. I am glad I did this for my dad, but just don't know if I can do it for my mom. Or maybe do it for my mom, suck it up, and feel good about it later. The problem is she NEVER stops asking for new favors. Not like I would do this and she would appreciate it. She would just ask for more. Or I have thought of saying, I will go with her, IF, she wears her hearing aids, IF she wears her safety pendent, IF she tries to learn how to use her cell phone and bring it with her, IF she stops buzzing all the time (drives me nuts, but maybe she just cannot stop) and IF IF IF , she seeks professional help for her emotional issues. (Problem then is if she follows through, I will have to go with her :) Oh, and START to get the house ready to sell. It is an absolute junk pit.
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I would never be able to manage taking my 92 y/o mother on a car trip of this nature. Never, ever, under any circumstances. Why? Because it's just too dangerous! She can't hear, she can't feel her feet *neuropathy*, she's unsteady on her feet WITH a walker, she gets carsick, she is incontinent, she takes a bunch of medications, she wets the bed every single night no matter what tools are used to prevent it, she has high anxiety and about 1,000,000 other reasons that I obviously won't get into. If I were faced with this type of situation, I would tell the well-meaning-relatives-who-are-clueless that Mom's doctor has FORBIDDEN her to travel, period. Lie or not, who cares? Then I would tell the well-meaning-relatives-who-are-clueless to come on out for a visit, and you'll be happy to book them a HOTEL reservation. You already have enough on your hands without being the entertainment committee for them.

You can create some other wonderful memories with your aging Dad......a road trip is certainly not the only way to do it!! Just think of the possibility that he hurts himself or requires hospitalization while on this road trip! How guilty would you feel then? It's a no-win situation, methinks.

Best of luck!!!
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Have you suggested to your family that it would be better for dads health if they came to him to visit. You should explain that dad requires to much attention and gets very confused when hes out of his safe zone. explain al the needs he has such as medicines, diapers, etc. let them know that the trip would be a total hardship for you to care for him away from home.
I would certainly speak with his doctors also to make sure they are for it or against it. explain to the doctors all of the care that goes into dad on a daily basis and your afraid if his safety zone is broken he could have problems.
I would tell your family that dad is in a frail health condition and that traveling is not good for him. You don't know the length of time dad has on this earth and hopefully they all could find the time to visit dad at his home making things a hell of a lot easier for all.
If they all truly want to see dad they'll have to find the time to come to him.
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My suggestion is that is someone else wants to see him, have them make the full drive and make it a week long stay. Pre-plan two telemedicine check-ins with a nurse or doctor to help the family attend to Dad's needs. Let it be Dad's last road trip, everyone jump in and give him a chance to see his family, and and get the family to do as much as possible that doesn't involve you.

I had to take my mother over 1,000 miles to come stay with me after her previous situation got abusive and she ended up with a scary wound but refusing to tell a doctor or police officer what happened. She could not be allowed to take a plane because the last time she got lost at the airport and called people who were too far away to help her, crying, rather than work with the airline employee. She refused to be accompanied to and from flights. She missed her connection, then stayed at a sketchy hotel an hour from the airport as a big football game meant all the local hotels were full. I was a nervous wreck, so vowed the next trip would involve driving her.

She is not physically frail but it was hell. I got her a map at a gas station so she could "follow our route" and she spent four hours mumbling over the map and looking at all the confusing information, swearing and saying terrible things between quietly trying to fold the map for 20 minutes at a time. The constant stream of angry invectives made me a less safe driver. I had an earbud in the ear she couldn't see, so I could listen to an audio book and ignore the quieter ramblings.

Once the map wore out its welcome, I put an audio book on the car stereo, it was by one of her favorite authors. She could not keep up with the story but would listen to the words, and sometimes ask questions. That helped, A LOT. if she got distracted I could say "wow, XXX is such a great author" and she would agree and go back to listening. Then she decided audio books were terrible and how dare I play one. The rest of the car time was her raving and pouting and threatening to call people to tell them I was abusive, then forgetting what she was doing and sleeping.

We stopped at a couple tourist traps, and that made her angry and more confused. Only stopping at Nashville so she could buy cowboy boots was OK for her. It involved her angrily yelling that she needed photos of her in her new boots by a blooming magnolia tree, which was a huge ordeal because she doesn't like herself in photos because she looks old, but instead says no one can take good photos of her as the photographer is incompetent.

She then spent the next few hours in the hotel room sending her magnolia tree and boots pictures to everyone she knew over email and social media. This created an interesting problem, because it made her look like a capable participant in the road trip, and undermined the family's understanding of her decline. Follow up conversations with relatives were "it looked like you had a great time on the road trip, I don't see what you're complaining about." (This was before I worked with an appropriate therapist, and learned how to control the narrative and make sure everyone was on the same page regarding the reality of the situation.)

I had to stay with her in the hotel and at restaurants because she left drinks unattended, would strike up personal conversations with creepy strangers, and she she left her personal items like a trail wherever she went. While she had a bathroom break I sprinted to three different businesses to collect all the things she left, and got back before she could wander. I had to chase one guy off mom invited to come back to the hotel room.

She needed the television on VERY LOUD in hotel rooms. She had no sleep schedule and would not take sleep aids. If she could hear or see anything else she would obsess over it and then get totally woken up and want to wander.

Make someone else drive him. Eight hours is only one day of driving, leave very early and there's no traffic.
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Babs75;
Your response on 12/28 to Meisie1's comment says all I need to read, but I read all the responses from others as well. My gut instinct says no way. I took my mother on a trip to SC years ago, when she was still in good health and no dementia. That was it for me, never again! Now just taking her to local doctor or dentist visits is a chore.  Why do I have to go? There's nothing wrong with me. I don't want to go. Where are we going? Do I have to go? The worst is for macular degeneration treatment (4x per year) because we go to the place she has always gone and it is now over an hour to get there (due to move to MC to be closer to where two of us live). The comments she makes are not so bad, but it is quite a trip! At this point I have asked one brother to take over that because she needs a walker and cannot get in/out of my cars easily. She outweighs me by a lot - if she falls on me, I'm done for!

Let those who want to see your dad get off their butts and come to visit. If your dad did not have dementia, perhaps. Medically frail would still be a concern.  Certainly two people making a long trip is "easier" than all of them making the trip, but he is not healthy and the dementia will bring in more issues than you need. THEY are younger and presumably healthy. Let them make the trip. Leave your guilt and desire not to do this out of the discussion. Just say it would not be good for him to make this trip. They don't like that idea, too bad. As others have sad, if they have not seen him in years and/or have no experience with dementia, then they have no clue.

Although a grand party with everyone coming to visit at the same time might be nice, I think given what you have said and what other's have said about routines, etc, it might be best for them to visit at different times. All at once could be overwhelming.  Just those short visits to your house gives you a preview of what you face. Too many visiting at once might be too much. Multiple visits with less people spread out over time would be easier to manage. To make a long trip like that, not sleeping in a familiar place (and you said no sharing room with him, which could be a huge disaster!), upsetting his usual routine, etc, it has all the ingredients for a mess.

As to his desire to visit the cemetery - is it local or located where the other relatives live? If not local, any chance of finding a local place and passing it off? If it is local, it might be okay - if he is still aware that they have passed, that is the biggest issue. Our mother started asking about seeing her mother last November, and more recently asked for her father too. They have both been long long gone (40 and more than 50 years ago)!!! We just make excuses for now, too late in the day, they are away on vacation, etc. It would not help to say they have passed on as in her mind now they are alive and she would not remember us telling her anyway, so we would have to do this over and over. Excuses and redirection/refocus are easier.

So, my feeling is this is a bad idea. Most of the responses seem to be the same. For those few who say it might be last chance, it is what he wants, etc., there's no way to know if your experience would be good or bad, but most likely it will NOT be pleasant. The only inkling is the trip to visit your place during the holidays, and that is only a short trip. He is not well and has a "routine". Stick to that. No, just no to this trip!
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You got your answers no to travel. It depends on how they are in their disease. Like my Dad he is always wanting to go somewhere. Which I have to take him every where I go any way. But on a long travel it is be best if you have someone else with you to help you manage him/ her. My Dad did okay traveling in the car. But when we were in the motel, he wanted to go home. He has problems with sundown syndrome. I brought his cot that he is familiar with. Slept on it fine. He wouldn't lay down on the motel/hotel bed because it was too high and it wasn't his bed. I had my brother and his wife travel and stay in the same room with us. And had to block the door to our room, so he wouldn't open the door and get out while we were sleeping. My Dad is 84 years old. We were going to my niece wedding, but traveling a long trip again I probably make arrangements for him to stay at a respite care place or have home care to stay in the home with him.
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In my experience caring for my husband with dementia, change and locations they are not familiar with only confused them more. Have the relatives visit him in his environment.
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Tell the nieces and nephews that he is just too frail to make this trip. He also has dementia, so he hardly knows just how bad off he really is.

tell them they must come to visit him. Let the pick the days.
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I've been reading through all of these posts. Thank you!!! I had dad out yesterday to run errands and it is such a challenge. Just trying to get in and out of the car. Had to park next to the lawn and the uneven surface was bad for him. I got to thinking about the trip. Stairs are out of the question for him. Just getting up two stairs into my house or his house takes a lot of work and holding on to him. If we went someplace with more stairs than that, I'm not sure how we would do it. And the over stimulation. I think that's why he is so hesitant to come to my house for holidays. He always makes sure that I know that when he says it's time for him to go home, that I need to take him right away. It would be way worse up there because everyone would be fussing over him. He seems to have gotten so much worse. I think back to even a year ago. We needed to go to his credit union yesterday and he insisted over and over that I was driving he wrong direction (which I wasn't). I am going to give the geriatric psych a call this week since she is the one that manages his dementia. I'm sure she will support me in my decision. THANK YOU ALL!
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kirahfaye Dec 2018
The very best to you and your dad, Babs75 - and your extended family. My mom hasn't been diagnosed with dementia, just simple age related memory loss, but that has me stressed out enough that I can't even imagine dealing with the more severe forms of memory issues. Best blessings!
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Babs75, I have not read all the answers and I’m not even certain of your decision but I implore you not to take him. Ask your family to come see him if they can-or, maybe if you don’t think he’ll be too confused, FaceTime him. My husband had early onset dementia at 53. By 59, he was dependent on me for everything except he was mobile. His 82 year old Aunt begged him to come see her and he was always close to her so it broke my heart when I heard them on the phone. I relented and got 2 plane tickets. Travel was a nightmare. Don’t forget how confused he gets in an area he knows well. Imagine if you take him for a long ride for hours. It’s frustration and dangerous for both of you. He will not enjoy the ride, the visit or the return home. It may push him over the edge and you will always regret it. His long term memory thinks of family as they were. Things change. I wish you peace and health for the New Year. Take care of yourself first. You have a thankless job and no one appreciates it till they have to step in your shoes. Good luck
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You absolutely have a choice. You are in the best position to know if your dad is capable of a trip like this (he is unable to be rational about his abilities) and it sounds like you've carefully thought this through and determined that the trip isn't practical. I'd start by sharing your knowledge of his health status with the nieces and nephews - they clearly don't understand how challenging the trip would be. His dementia would likely send him spinning, adding to the difficulty of the trip. Don't do it.
Instead, take whatever money you would have spent on the trip and rent an Airbnb near your dad for the family to come see him.
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janerides Dec 2018
Wow. I think they could get there own room...suggest a clean, not too expensive place. (I've run the bnb-for free here in the Ozarks...not much fun for me).
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Arrange for them to visit - he will be constantly disorientated - listen your gut feeling that you won't be able to manage the trip or your dad - FYI .. he may already have forgotten his request!

Pre-arm yourself with delay excuses if/when he brings it up again .... like long awaited dr/specialist app't, car issues etc
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You know best what you are capable of. It's not easy to travel with someone who has a cognitive impairment and the walker would complicate things even more. If you don't think it's a good fit for you to travel with him then don't. I know that sounds selfish but there is nothing wrong with knowing your limits and sticking with what you know works.
On the other hand, if you'd like to make the trip, maybe you could get one of them to come and make the trip with you both and stay in the hotel room with him etc. Basically just tell them you're not doing this alone. Maybe you could rent an RV so that he would have his own "room" for the whole trip and a bathroom too. They have RVs that are handicap accessible.
I know the choices are tough and that people can try to guilt you into doing things you know are not a good fit for you. Stay strong and do what works for you.
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One thing that everyone here has said...but not said...is that each case of dementia is different. One persons dementia may allow a trip to happen. In my mother's case, her incontinence alone would disallow the trip (She has even commented that she would never be able to travel anywhere now). We took her on a 2-1/2 hour drive to a wedding a few years ago before her ALZ was diagnosed. It was a very difficult trip for my wife and I. My mother no longer has a 'filter' on what she says, so the trip was spent with her bringing up everything my brothers and I ever did wrong in life. (As I said...it was before we had a diagnosis...so it just seemed like she was being mean. Even now, it isn't something that can just be ignored for a long period of time.)
The important thing is once you start on a trip, you've got the same distance to return home. There isn't much you can do about going to see the cemetery, but my vote would be for the nieces and nephews to come see him.
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My father had dementia and eventually had to be put into a nursing home where I visited him every single day. He has since passed away at the age of 88. The one thing he always asked me was, could I take him home so he can take a real bath because he didn’t like the bathing situation at the nursing home. Against my better judgment I took him home. I knew he couldn’t climb the stairs. I knew he would have a problems in and out of the bathtub. I had to help him through all of this and I have a back problem. I also knew because of these problems he would get irritated at me. But the only thing that I absolutely knew was that once he experienced all of these limitations, he would never ask me again. And I was right — he never did. It seems to me that your situation is a lot worse and that this course of action may not work for you and it would be a lot more difficult to manage him on a long trip with his limitations. I was moved by your story and compelled to share mine. I wish you the best and bless you for your efforts in helping your father. Take care.
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I think its time for a family reunion and for the family to come to your father...
Have a picnic at a park... have everyone bring pot luck so your not stuck with the food stuffs and this way father gets out in the sun and the little ones can play on the equipment and then visit then play... the adults can visit not only with each other but with father and especially father gets out in the sunshine and he has gone for a "ride". Then you take him back to a familiar place and he hasn't spent 4 to 6 hours in a car you get to rest after a hectic day and everything is good
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Betsysue2002 Jan 2019
Excellent suggestion ! Sounds like fun. Can i come too :)
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My dad is 80 and has been in memory care facility for 2 years now. Taking him out for about an hour is all he can handle and he really is not able to enjoy or engage. He is incontinent as well. I no longer take him more than about 15 minutes away from his ALF. He really seems somewhat relieved when we return. I just took my mom across the country - she is 76 and has great cognitive ability but physical limitations meant a wheel chair through the airports and she had to hold onto me to walk most places, steps were very difficult, bathroom breaks along the interstates in our rental car were nerve-racking. I'm glad I took her but I am exhausted. I could not imagine doing that with a cognitively-impaired person.
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I am new to this site,and saw your post. I live in Ohio, our son got married in Mo. a 9 hour trip. My 92 year old mom insisted on going. We took a "trial" trip to Cleveland, a 3 hour trip. We reserved connecting rooms. She was past exhaustion from the 4 hour drive and when we returned home, she made the decision to stay home.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
Thank you for writing that visits exhaust you. I feel so guilty about that, mom lives with us so if I am not in sitting with her I get guilt. It is a difficult situation.
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JoAnn29 Jan 2019
To care for someone you need time to yourself. My DH thought I should bring Mom to my Den to spend the day with me. Mom could not carrying on a conversation. All she had was TV because she couldn't read anymore. She never played games, cards or had a hobby. Her shortterm was put the door, so no learning something new. I don't like daytime TV. So, what was I suppose to do with her. Guilt, yes but I am not an entertainer or have patience. She had a room with a bathroom. She went to Daycare 3x a week. She ate dinner with us, either home or out, and spent the evening watching TV with us.
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