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Sometimes when you take a dementia patient out of their realm they can quickly become more disoriented. What happens if you get there and he although not meaning to becomes disoriented and acts out in ways you would never expect? Then you have to deal with getting him back home again.
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I tried walking Mom, (in wheelchair) to a department store within a short walking distance from NH. She seemed fine until she slipped out of her chair and although she was okay, her loud hollering scared everyone within earshot. It made me realize how unprepared I would be if anything serious would have happened to her. I can't imagine taking her anywhere.
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My dad is 74, last year when he came out of SNF to AL he wanted to travel 1300 miles to visit his grandfathers grave and visit his cousins, I knew that he was as healthy as he would ever be. So my husband and I decided that we would give him this gift, OMG! Somebody should have shot me. I had it all planned, right down to every rest stop so he could walk around and not swell up because of his CHF. I had 10 days scheduled, just to be on the safe side and not keep him in the car to many hours, I make the trip in 2 days, gave it 3 for him. When we get up north he decides that he needs to act 3 years old, won't bath, won't brush his teeth, won't answer questions, ends up sick and 21 days later I got home. I will never be stuck in a vehicle with my dad as long as I live, nor will I be subjected to his tantrums at some one else's house.

So, if you do meet your cousins to pick him up, make them keep him for a week to really give you a break. Get some depends for him to wear while on holiday, that way any explosions will at least be contained. For 1 week before and for the entire trip give him vit c, probiotics and zinc.

If they can't stop encouraging him to visit then he should visit but for long enough that you get a true respite and they get to see your daily life. Maybe they will come stay at your house and you can go someplace while they catch up. Well meaning relatives are a challenge to be sure.

I hope you get a week or 2 vacation.
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mally1 Dec 2018
"Somebody should have shot me!" I'm still laughing.... and reiterating to myself to never, never take my mom anywhere out of town.
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I guess this is not necessarily a right answer for everyone, but thought I would share my opinion. My dad died of ALZ earlier this year, and in the year prior we did some shorter trips with him that meant a lot for him, but were hard on me.

Now that hes gone, I would not trade those experiences for the world. Not saying they were easy, especially when complicated by the presence of my more difficult mom, but so glad I did them.

Again, not being judgmental if you don't think you want to do it. Just another angle to think about. In fact, he was in an SNF this past Easter, and we had been thinking of getting him (professionally) transported home for the day and it would have been his last day in his home. We decided against it and think maybe that was the right decision, but also sometimes wish we would have done it

In that case we were thinking if that would be hard on him, being home for a day, then having to go back to SNF.
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Don't want to be the bad guy? I don't blame you. Discuss this with his doc and most likely he will back up what YOU think is best.

Travel would be very difficult. Do not allow this to happen.
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He is still continent but has bouts of diarrhea that come out of the blue. I do not help him with any of that.
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JoAnn29 Dec 2018
Then I would not take him. Change in food and water could cause problems. Tell the relatives this. Tell them you personally don't have to deal with this, thats why he has aides. Don't think they want to deal with an adult with this problem. I always told my brothers, I would never care for a man who wasn't my husband. So they get Dad.
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I agree, if they want to see him, they should visit. Is he incontinent? This would be a big reason. Are you comfortable helping in the bathroom?

Tell relatives that Dad is not up to a trip that far even though he thinks he is. Don't tell them at first that you don't want to do it. You have you r guardianship. He has Dementia. A good reason not to take him. They don't do well with change.
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No no no. If nieces and nephews really want to see him I would suggest to them they put their own azzes in the car and come to him or make the arrangements to transport him there and back themselves (never gonna happen🙄)..... Their expectations are totally unrealistic for anyone his age let alone someone with dementia!
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