She refuses to leave her home. She is very vindictive and convinced that all I want is all her things and money which is far from the truth. I realize this is part of the disease but she has been this way even before she was diagnosed with early stages of dementia. It is just that it is more extreme now. My husband and I did research and found a very nice facility for her that is close to us in the St. Louis area. She lives in Springfield, MO about 300 miles away. We went to her and were unable to convince her to come with us. She was very combative and hateful and said we had no right to take her. She even called a friend of hers to call the police on us. The police came to the house and also tried to convince her that it would be in the best interest to leave with us. She more or less told the officer that he didn't know what he was talking about. They left and a few minutes later she did not even remember that they were there. I have durable power of attorney but, I know it does not allow me to force her to leave her home. She is in good physical health and can still dress herself, put on makeup, and use the bathroom. However, she has problems understanding reason, reading, numbers, when to eat, remembering people in her life, telling time, where she is at times, etc. She hallucinates; she sees things and people who are not there and talks to them. She cannot distinguish between dreams and reality. I know we can pursue legal guardianship but, because of her mindset she will still refuse to leave her home. What do we do?
I wish I could say the transition out of her home into a facility was easy, it was awful. She absolutely refused to believe she has dementia, or any cognitive issues. On top of short term memory loss, hallucinations, anxiety, giving her money away and not paying bills, she became a hoarder. Her bedrooms and bathroom were like something out of TV show.
I tried to include her in the moving process as much as possible, but she was steadfast she was not going anywhere. My family went to her home every weekend for three months clearing clutter and preparing for the move. Sometimes she was angry, and other times she was oblivious. I kept reminding her she was moving, and sometimes she said she think about it later, other times no one was making her give up her home.
On moving day we did have to use a therapeutic lie to get her to the facility. It was pretty traumatic for everyone, but our family was together with her for support and to try to help ease her transition.
She’s been at the facility for 5 months, it has not been easy there are days we visit she’s pleasant, other days she’s angry, paranoid, and just down right unpleasant. Although it’s hard listening to her complain about her living situation,
I can’t let her stubbornness regarding her cognitive decline dictate doing what is in her best interest.
FYI if you have durable PoA you don't need guardianship. You have the power. Now you just need a plan.