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I am one of five children. I was our mother's caregiver for our mother. At first my older sister helped with some chores. However, I was the sole responsible for cooking meals for both our parents, and care for my mothers hygiene when she could no longer do it herself.
The five of us split the cost of their insurance policy. I have been told that seeing as I cared four our mother, I should have been given financial aid. I never thought that was a possiblity.
Now that my mother has passed away, I am performing chores that benefit our father. Plus, we still have to pay insurance for him. He was not a very good father and he created many problems that he expected other people to solve. How can I stop resenting him? How can I summon the courage to stop doing chores that benefit him?

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Time to look at who you are REALLY mad at here. Do you really "resent" your father, or are you really upset with yourself and your own choices?

Courage is required for many things in life. And that's a fact.
It starts with practice.
It is time to tell your father that you cannot continue to support him and that he will be now at the mercy of the state for care he cannot afford. You will slowly limit your visits. I am hoping against hope that you have not taken him into your home and that you never will.

No one can make these decisions for you.
You will chose either to be the doormat everyone steps on, and to stand up for yourself.
But either way you must recognize that it is YOUR choice for YOUR own life.
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PR is a US territory and as such I think they get the same benefits as a US State. I just read that PR has Medicaid and Medicare but is not part of the Market place nor can get SSI, supplimental income. Dad should have Medicare and maybe able to get Medicaid for his suppliment. That would save his kids from paying it. He should have Social Security.

You don't needvto care for Dad if you don't want to. Limit your time with him. Tell ur siblings u did most of the care for Mom, your not doing it for Dad. You should have a Social Service office where u can find out what Dad is entitled to.
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You don’t “have” to do anything. Providing care is a choice and when made while filled with resentment, it won’t go well for you or the one being cared for, at least not for long. Consider what, if any, care and financial help you can provide that won’t lead to resentment and do only that. Otherwise resentment and bitterness is like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. He gets what he wants and you get eaten up inside
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You’re going to resent your dad if you continue to care for him. You may even resent your siblings if you are doing the bulk of the work. It’s really tough to be the primary caregiver.

Have you contacted Council on Aging in your dad’s area to get an assessment of his needs? Start there and tell them that you are no longer interested in being his caregiver. See what they can suggest to you.

Wishing you all the best.
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I realize there may be a LOT of cultural pressure involved in keeping you "in your place", but there's no actual law that says you have to do it. You are in control -- you just need to be willing to accept the consequences when you tell your family you're done being the indentured servant for your father and he now needs to find his own solution. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow it.

If you live with him, move out. If he lives with you, remove him to another sibling's home or a facility. I don't know what the options are in PR... if you have social workers there, consider talking to one to see what options there are in this situation.
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