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How can you not get bummed out by a situation that, whichever way up you turn it, is a total bummer? Errrrrrrrr...

Take comfort: you're doing the right thing by still going. Your mother's awareness of it may have dwindled sadly, and will continue to deteriorate, but whether you see it or not your love is really important.

You are not just allowed, you're supposed to be sad. Seeing your lovely mother attacked like this is a wretched experience. Often when something is horrible we 'can't bear to look'; but for as long as she lives, your being there helps her - so that's why it's worth doing. That's your motivation, and all sentimentality aside it is a noble one. Take pride in it even if you cannot take any pleasure.
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Rachele . . . your question brings tears to my eyes. You've expressed the same situation in which my mother and I experience. It is so difficult to see our beautiful mothers "be" what they are today vs. who they were. While it is exhausting and depressing to visit our mothers, we bring them so much joy doing exactly the kinds of things you are doing for yours. Shorter, more frequent visits are more loving, less stressful, and a little less heartbreaking. However, it is O.K. for you to take a break too. You need it to preserve your health and stamina, because you're going to need it for the long haul. Thanks again for posting your question. Prayers for strength and peace for all caregivers and their families. This really is the last and best lesson our parents will ever teach us.
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i stop in on my aunt EVERY morning and assemble her meds for the day . shes getting so hip to the routine that the door is usually unlocked and slightly ajar in anticipation of my visit . it seems to keep her clock set properly and it isnt a problem to stop by on the way to work . a long visit isnt expected or needed . just the routine alone gives her a secure feeling .
5 - 10 minutes a day is easier than an extended weekly visit for both of us i think .
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I agree. You're doing all the right things.. Just continue to support her through her difficult time..

Keep posting on here, that's what AC is all about.

Hugs..
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Please do not feel discouraged , your mom continues to get something from your visits and so will you when you remember her after her passing. My mother passed this year and in the later stages as well.She still had her more lucid days The day she died I talked about the major events in her life and asked her simple questions to which she indicated at times she remembered. Try bringing in some childhood pictures of hers or talk about that time. Remarkably when mom passed away my memories of her as vibrant and well returned and the others of her decline faded away.
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I went through an identical situation. Please DO NOT do what I did, which was run away. My thinking was she didn't know if I was there or not. Your mom's physical and medical needs are being met. Cut your visits short and allow yourself to do things for yourself. I didn't feel like I deserved any happiness with mom being in such an awful situation. Looking back I would have done so many things differently. This gracious, loving woman didn't leave me when I was young and needed her. I am now in counseling, something I never thought I would do. It's the best decision I've made. Sometimes it takes an outsider to help you see things more clearly. There is a great deal of groups out there for caregivers. Give yourself a break before you do break. You can't move mountains and unfortunately mom's condition is only going to get worse. You need to help yourself so you can be of help to your mom. Best of luck!
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