Good evening. Mom’s situation is deteriorating and she went to the hospital, then to post acute rehab for one week. Now they are dismissing her as she has not made progress (and is refusing care from OT/PT). She wants to go home but I know home needs to be evaluated for appropriateness to have home health care. I doubt the house will be deemed safe for her to return to (ill repair of kitchen sink, extremely cluttered). I am afraid mother will refuse to apply for Medicaid and she has little money for private pay in long term care at $404 per day. My sisters are not in the position to self pay for her. I have my own family with daughter about to enter college and have worked hard to acquire money to secure for my own care and that of my husband when we are not able to care for ourselves so we willl not be a financial burden to our only daughter. What choices do we have if mom will not apply for Medicaid? Facility where she is right now (for two more days before Medicare won’t pay any longer) has long term beds available and she could go in a few days. I need to know options as I am half way across the country and helping my sister work through this. Suggestions, please.
And what is process if Medicaid places lien on home? Do they come and assess and take all possessions in the house? What are our responsibilities to prepare to leave house? What is the time frame for this type of process? Youngest sister lives in home (but only for 5 months or so). I knew these days would come but no one wanted to plan for them despite my prompting to do so.
Thank you all for your wisdom.
igloo572, yes middle sis going to atty meeting. No, I haven't shared with her the questions I have. I am hoping that the two of them can sort it out themselves although I am sure I will have plenty more questions. I am trying to keep out of it as if I am on the call, they might think I am trying to control things. I expect to hear the outcome but would just like to wait and see what comes of this. You're right, I should conference call atty after the meeting just to get his side of the story and recommendations.
Middle sis ('princess sissy') lives in her own protected world and is coming only because it is no inconvenience for her. She truly loves my mom, I do believe, but her actions have been very planned to do only what benefits her. As a family we all were notorious for avoiding confrontation (which meant walking away from any difficult conversation and sweeping sh** under the rug and not addressing it). Hence, this is why we are in the problem we are in, because no one wants to have the difficult conversation about finances, planning for the future, what to do when you cannot care for yourself.
I also have experience with hoarding and the secret keeping in families beyond hoarding. My therapist said the psychology of it is very much like that of alcoholics', and my children of hoarders group also feels hoarding is an addiction problem. When people buy, there is some kind of chemical release in the brain that is addictive, just like drugs and porn produce. Odd, yes, but when you look at it that way, you understand better why they are trying to hide it. That can also give you insight into how hard it would be to cause any change in 42 until she hits rock bottom.
Hoarders, as you have seen, don't change even with a perfectly clean house in front of them. Your sister42 is not the right place for mom because even if mom had a perfectly functioning home, 42 would fill it right back up. Mom needs more care, and if 42 loses the house, so be it. Fine, not your drama, but it might push 42 towards rock bottom/recovery.
Also informed that family cannot be liable for nursing home bill unless they have signed a document when family member admitted to nursing home (fine print might say you are financially responsible), so be careful what you are signing! NH can be pushy to encourage you to sign (they are running a business, after all), just make sure you review, perhaps with lawyer, or do not sign anything like this as family member.
This provides some clarity and I am thankful for the resources out there. Now looking for some financial clarity on the situation about LTC, Medicaid, etc. Will keep you posted about sis's meeting with Elder Law Attorney today.