My 57 year old daughter wants control of my money.
I live alone, she doesn't want me to have a car, she will take me wherever I want to at her convenience. Is long suffering while she is being a wonderful daughter. I can't buy a dollar item without being told put that back you don't need it. She buys clothes for me and shoes rather than taking me shopping. We had a wonderful relationship I thought, as my friends died off it seemed wise to move close - not with, Thank God. My mind is great, I still play bridge on the computer, do puzzles every day, play cards at any opportunity. I lent a person some money. I and my husband both did this when he was alive. She is convinced I am being scammed, She is possibly right, I've had doubts and hired a detective, checked with FBI and other agencies. I told her I would stop sending money and in thanks she filed for guardianship. My cost in this matter is unbelievable. I don't pay anything THEY use my money to pay my lawyer, her lawyer, my sons lawyer, a doctor $500.00 mental exam and two mental health nurses. Who knows what they will charge. This is cruel and unnecessary.
I find it odd that people on this thread are advising @lonelyandold to roll over, count her blessings, and consider that things could be much worse if she didn't have a daughter. How do you know? We don't have enough information to know that the OP is giving away huge amounts of money or being scammed. We don't have enough information to take sides.
Most of us have the experience of trying to help our parents; some parents are very resistant to help, even after they've been diagnosed with dementia. Children who care worry that their parents give away money and will be left impoverished just when they need nursing home or memory care, which is expensive.
There are situations where the parent is too intractable and the children walk away and let the state take guardianship.
Some parents lose the ability to see that they may need money in the future to pay for care. They think "oh, I won't live that long" or "I'm going to die before I need to go into care". Read Dorker's thread for a cautionary tale of an elder to did a reverse mortgage so she could fund a facelift.
I'd love for the OP to come back and tell us more; I doubly wish that the daughter would find us as well.
The line that gives me pause is "she doesn't want me to have a car".
It goes one of two ways, doesn't it? Either the daughter wants to control mom's actions......OR mom is having multiple accidents, getting lost, calling daughter to come find her. Or a doctor has told OP that she shouldn't drive anymore.
Lonely, please come back with more information.
Yes, thank you. The OP doesn't necessarily need to thank her lucky stars she has a daughter. Daughter may be a monster, or she may be an angel.
You say that your daughter doesn't want you to have a car.
Do you mean that she has told you that you shouldn't be driving? Has one of your doctors told you that? Are you in agreement, or do you think that your driving is just fine?
What do you think your daughter's motivation is?
This sounds like an issue that has been ongoing for some time with various scammers due to the fact that your daughter is filing for guardianship. Plus, you are lending money which you may or may not get back. I made a mistake 20 years of lending money to a co-worker to which she filed bankruptcy, and I never got a dime back.
Just keep in mind, it is expensive getting older. I had major sticker shock when my very elderly parents [90+] needed caregivers and eventually moves to senior care centers.
Try not to think of this being cruel and unnecessary, instead your daughter wants to make sure you have funds for those rainy days.
Older Adults Scammed More Often By Relatives Than Strangers, Study Finds
https://www.studyfinds.org/older-adults-scammed-elder-abuse-more-often-by-relatives-than-strangers-study-finds/
Lonely and old, trust your gut.
Enough said.
It is a growing problem that seniors give so much of what they have and what they don't have without realizing it. The majority are being scammed. Be thankful your daughter is looking after your best interest. Would you rather be destitute? What if you did not have a daughter? Enjoy the things you can and let go of the rest. We have so much to be grateful for in this life, count your blessings.
How do you know this?
Can we just go through this bit:
"I lent a person some money. I and my husband both did this when he was alive. She is convinced I am being scammed, She is possibly right, I've had doubts and hired a detective, checked with FBI and other agencies. I told her I would stop sending money..."
What do you mean, you *would* stop sending money? Does that mean that in spite of your reservations, in spite of your husband's no longer being with us, in spite of ongoing investigations even, you are STILL sending money?
Why???
You write so well and so fluently and seem so in command of the facts of the situation, that I'm wondering how it could be that you haven't yet extricated yourself from the clutches of a fraudster, if that's what's going on. Plenty of people fall for them, alas; it is by no means indicative of mental incompetence.
What does your lawyer say?
How would you hope to repair/retrieve your relationship with your daughter?
Obtaining guardianships over competent adults is almost impossible, so unless there is overwhelming medical evidence, Lonely doesn’t have to worry about that part, but it could be necessary if she’s being stripped of her assets.
Healthcare is not what it used to be and she will probably need every dime for the future. Remember, her version of the truth may not be so accurate also, In any case it all causes sad situation.
Maybe she is POA now? You have the right to select another POA if you so please, if competent. It certainly sounds as if you are.
Maybe daughter is looking out for your best interests. You may be competent, get with your doctor and ask for a diagnosis. You have the legal right to make your own decisions, if competent, regardless of how bad daughter thinks they are.
I also decided I didn't have enough information. You said pretty much what I wanted to say without all the emotion that I had.
My mother has dementia, and she went through what you are going through mentally. At the beginning stages, she became very paranoid of me. She didn't understand that I wanted to help her. Instead, she thought I wanted to "take over her life," just like you. Your reaction to her is breaking her heart.
Please listen to your daughter and follow along. She is doing what is best for you. Please make it easier for her to help you and thank God she is there for you.
You don't know this woman's situation or her daughter's motives.
This is dangerous advice.