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My husband is very immobile—he cannot get up, sit, or lay down without assistance. He has both urinary and bowel incontinence as well. He has been like this for over a year now. His condition has worsened since a recent fall that resulted in a broken hip—he got a femur/hip replacement surgery and stayed at a rehabilitation for 6 weeks. He is now home, but he is less mobile than prior to the fall—at least before, he could get himself up and walk around with a walker. Otherwise, he is alert and has a healthy appetite. I live alone with my husband, but the exertion of taking care of him is taking a toll on my health. I am unable to sleep well as my husband’s incontinence requires me to change his diaper at least twice during sleeping hours. During the day, he needs additional diaper changes, obviously. Each diaper change is a struggle as he is very stiff and I am a small women. I’ve tried to get part time in home care, but that hasn’t been successful—no care provider seems to want to take this part time case. I am not even sure that part time care help is even the right solution. I am at my wit’s end—I love my husband, but my health is declining. What can I do to alleviate my situation? Please help.

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Visiting Angels are amazing. Used them for my uncle who is incontinent. They wash clothes, changed him, and bathed him daily—which kept him out of an assisted living for as long as possible. They also cook, do light house cleaning, offer companionship, and will take them to Dr. appts
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There are many options and advice given.

I agree with speaking with his doctor - if you wish to continue to keep him home still then I would ask for the dr to put in a script for home health and PT/OT and a social worker.

PT can see if he is able to rehabilitate more and can also make suggestions for a wheelchair - even request for a custom one be made to beat assist him if necessary through Medicare.

OT - can help assess the home and his environment - make suggestions as well to keep him as independent as possible.

He may qualify for DME equipment to help assist him and you - Hospital beds - commodes - sit to stands etc.

A social worker can help you with all options - local chapters that he may qualify for assistance in home free of charge or even for small donations and also help you with researching outside living places if you decide that could be a better fit.

All of this information is overwhelming so utilizing social workers - your local chapter of area on aging or elder affairs as well as therapist that can assess and help guide you will be helpful.

None of us can do this alone - I was 48 when I started caring for my mom after her stroke I’m now 50 (this is hard physical work and you need to also be caring for yourself) it took me a long time to find help - just in the past few months have I found two women to help and give me small breaks. It took going through a few to find a match for mom as well as for me. Good people exist and it will take time getting comfortable but it can be done.

im hoping you get some good resources from the above that can help you to find help in whatever way you think is best for you and your husband.

I am not sure where you are from but there are some great local resources in many areas - from adult day cares - used equipment - Meal deliveries etc. Reach out locally to help you find this support 🙏🏼
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Unfortunately, if incontinence can't be cured, containment is next - which you are already doing. This becomes very hard when mobility declines - as you already know.

It becomes a 2 person job & you are only 1.

Home help becomes necessary. Start with your GP. Ask about a needs assessment, an OT home visit, vising aides/nurses. See what you are eligible for, what services are available, what equipment can help you, can afford.

Try it. Keep re-assessing & changing/adding what you can. A home care plan can work well for some - but not for others due to many many factors. Your own health being No 1.
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@cover99
The equipment will make changing someone easier.
Changing or checking every few hours is important. Change when the tab brief or pull up is wet.
Watching videos and practice will make changing in bed easier.
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Equipment may help you a great deal.
A Sit to Stand makes transferring him from bed to chair, and back and even around the house much easier.
I am sure you can watch a YouTube video to see if it would work for you.
There is a very good possibility that he would qualify for Hospice and they would have all the equipment that you need delivered as well as other supplies. A Nurse would check in on him weekly, a CNA would come at least 2 times a week to give him a bath or shower. You could also request a Volunteer that would come in and stay with him so you can run to the store or get a bit of a break for yourself. And Hospice also covers about 1 week of Respite so you could take a bit of time off.

I also have to ask if he is less mobile than before have you requested in home PT? If he can not improve any more than he has then it would not be an option.
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Cover99 Oct 2021
Will this help is incontinence, though?
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I know what you are going through. I hope you are on Medicare. You may also need to go on Medicaid. At least look into your State’s Medicare Savings Program. Medicare will cover the following items that should help you. Wheelchair, Patient Lift (Get-U-Up Lift with an under arm sling by Invacare), Walker, Bedside Toilet Commode. Hospital Bed. You also should get Urinary External Catheter Condoms (by measured size) with Bedside (night time) and Leg Bags (day time) with wipes and extension tubes. All things are covered by Medicare with a Doctor’s order and must be acquired through an approved Medicare provider. A social worker or geriatric physician can help you. With your husband’s incontinence he will be more likely to get a UTI. You need to watch him by smell and color for it.
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Jo123456 Oct 2021
When my brother was in the hospital and they gave him up for dead ( sent him home to die and yelled for us to get hospice), they offered twice a week bath and a weekly nurse etc.
I was cleaning my brother up not less than twice a day and doing at least 4 loads of laundry a day for him alone and scrubbing the room down (this was my “living room” before he arrived. I have a 2 story house).
iI later learned that someone had sent a wheelchair to my sister’s house for him and he was being charged by the month for this wheelchair… as best I understood the wheelchair company, medicare only “ordered” the wheelchair, they did not pay. Better to purchase a wheelchair!
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Unless you are extremely wealthy you will not be able to afford nor to get in home care that is 24/7, which is what you currently need. It is very sad that, other than these issues of mobility and incontinence, your husband is quite well, as he really now needs institutional care, probably of a nursing home, due to his incontinence and mobility. You should check with your MD regarding your husband's needs, but I am fairly certain there is no other choice now but to have caregivers 24 hours a day. If your health declines to the point you are BOTH debilitated this will happen in any case. Please take care of yourself. I am hoping you have the support of family and / or friends to help you negotiate this tough time. You may be forced also to see an elder care attorney so as to protect your OWN assets ongoing from going into a nursing home; there needs to be some seperation of assets and a way to preserve your own. Your husband may now or in the near future need medicaid help to pay for his care.
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