Mom passed 2 years ago. Was keeping both parents at home with dementia. No help from 2 siblings. One lives out of state. They both are financially able to help but don’t. I have used most of my savings, after I lost my job. Dads social security helps pay utilities. I do odd jobs to make ends meet but I have to find people to watch Dad while I’m gone. He still takes care of himself but has to be directed on everything, bathing,eating and what not to do. He can’t be left alone. He goes everywhere I go. I feel a nursing home would be devastating to him and he would give up. Other family members don’t understand when I mention it because he compensated well in conversations and they don’t see how it is as home. I don’t want to become bitter.
As an only child, my Mantra has always been “If they’re not there to HELP you, They’re not there to HURT you.” The fact is, you MAY have made your decisions about his care on flawed logic concerning your siblings. Don’t revisit it. that will never help anything, least of all your father.
Do an online search TODAY and see what sort of Residential care facilities are available in your area. Just knowing THAT MUCH may be helpful for YOU. Do a couple drivebys.
Start considering what may work best for you AND dad. Selling out on yourself doesn’t make you a better caregiver. Read reviews about local residential care sites.
You have received some good advice from those who have been there. Listen.
You may want to consider that you have an inaccurate concept about modern NHs. My MIL is in LTC and she likes chatting with the various nurses, aids, NH visitors, etc. In your home your dad sees only 1 other person: you. It's what is referred to as a "sterile" environment. A NH will have activities and some even field trips and events. Please schedule to just visit some and see they may not be what you are fearing. My MIL is a Medicaid recipient yet is in a lovely faith-based facility with a very experienced and caring admin and staff. She even was recently moved into a private room. And she had covid in May and survived. Just got her first vaccine. And survived.
Transitioning your dad to a facility does not mean you don't love him. But you MUST take care of yourself. It's like being on the airplane when there's an emergency and the oxygen masks drop down. They instruct parents to put on their own first before putting on their child's. Does this mean they don't love their child? No, it's a practical step that is meant to save both of them. May you gain wisdom and receive peace in your heart
You can't make anyone else do anything. Your siblings have chosen not to be involved. You have chosen to be a martyr. If you want to continue on in that role, then keep on doing the same.
Unless your siblings won the lottery don't assume they can help out financially. I make a good living but I don't have extra to send to support someone else. Now if they are also insisting you stay with Dad and keep him out of a NH then maybe asking them to pony up some money would be acceptable.
Sometimes the correct answer to a situation is not the answer we want to hear.