She yells and calls me names and tries to control. I am 53 and have been separated for almost 2 years. We live in a house that she purchased with my 16 year old. I think she is unstable based upon her abusive behaviour. She insisted the house have my name on it too. Now she wants me to take my name off of it. I feel like that is an attempt to be punative and controlling. Am I wrong?
Ok--to the point.
I highly doubt it's the tatts that are bugging mom. It's something she can see. I'd think long and hard about bringing mom into your 'relationship' and yet, if you share a home, how can you not?
You may have to get legal help with this. Can you fathom ANY circumstances under which mom is OK with this man? Whom are you going to put first? As someone who had a spouse who put his mom's wishes ahead of mine for many years, I can say that it gets old, real fast. We've worked through it, but it was a long time happening and he still has some anger simmering under the surface that 'I' am the cause of his rift with his mom. Maybe not anger, but something.
I would not put a fake tattoo on myself just to get a rise out of mom. I know so many people with tatts and they don't even make an impression on me. I know that growing up, my mom was horrified by them, but honestly, they were all mostly men who had been in the Navy. My BFF is covered in tattoos--they kind of tell the story of her life.
you aren't going to change mom, so how are you going to change yourself and your living situation? If mom is completely unable to be OK with this relationship, don't waste years trying to make her be so.
As in, “We live in a house that she purchased, along with my 16 year old.”
or,
“We live in a house that she purchased. My 16 year old lives there, as well.”
That may put things in a different light.
Could this be the case?
Retired teacher-grammar matters.😀
I have the same questions as Grandma1954. A teenager holding co-title under a deed doesn't make any sense to me, unless your mother paid all cash for the home and didn't involve a good realtor or kept the age of your son private.
As far as "taking" your name off the deed, a new one would have to be executed to remove your name and discharge your interests. If you're a co-mortgagor, this isn't going to happen easily unless your mother has adequate resources to maintain any mortgage.
A 16 year old can not sign a contract.
What did you sign to have your name on the deed? Are you 1/2 or 1/3 owner? What if she does not pay mortgage? are you responsible? Is your child?
Might want to see a lawyer that understand real estate.
I also think you should move out. (do not move out until you determine your rights and responsibilities as it pertains to the mortgage. )
If you want to be done with this and you have no "financial skin in the game" and you are on the deed sign a Quit Claim and move out.
I would NOT move in with the "man with tattoos" see where that goes. (if you were to move in with him would your current spouse have anything to say about it? You are still married and I am assuming your child is also his if he wanted to get "nasty" he could)
Find yourself, what you are without your spouse, without your mother.
You need to do what you can to move out. 16 yr old can work a p/t job to buy what he/she needs. If you aren't getting support from DH get it. Get that divorce too. I did it. I had a 1 yr old. After my separation I moved back home. My brothers still living home was the problem. Everyone telling my now 2 yr old what and what not to do. I moved out a year after moving in to my own apt. My daughter was so much better behaved. Just her and me.
Your Mom feels she can control you because you need her. You need to show her you don't.
I'm guessing your mom has been hateful all your life, and perhaps it's just now that you're realizing that you've had enough. At least I hope that's the case.
So pack up your things and get you and your daughter out of moms house and start building a life on your own. You and your daughter deserve better, and it will show your daughter how important it is to not ever tolerate any kind of abuse from anyone. Best wishes.
The tatts? That a man is on the scene? That she will be the 3rd wheel to your relationship? That you & her many not be so close? That he may steal you away? Replace HER as your #1?
Or that the man may steal her house?
Whatever HER reasons, at 70 yrs old, it is reasonable she does not share a house with a man if she does not want to.
If your realtionship is to thrive, you may need to create the space, mental & physical, away from your Mother.
What is mother’s past experience with tattoos? When I was younger, they were not common. I mostly remember ‘hate’ badly tattooed across knuckles, nearly always a sign of a prison sentence. I still don’t like them – the dull colors, the permanence, the embarrassment when your life becomes totally different, the pain of removal. I had a fella with a bald eagle tattooed on his forum, who mostly wore long sleeved shirts to cover it up (he stood for parliament, not a good look back then). Interestingly, we went on holiday to Bali and the locals were fascinated and thought it was Garuda!
I’d say find out when she first started hating them and why. Try to work through it – acceptability has really changed. If not, consider telling her that you are thinking of getting one too. Then get a ‘tattoo transfer’, which looks real for a week or too, and see if that totally changes her reaction to you. Then how she reacts when you clean it off. It's such a proof that a tatt doesn't change the person underneath. If that doesn’t change things, consider dropping the fella or move out!