Thank the deity of choice Thanksgiving is over. Hope I can mentally recover before Christmas.
Asking for a weigh-in. My mom has dementia. My brother, his wife and their daughter in college live 7 hours from her. They were here for Thanksgiving, and brought their two dogs. It is not possible for them to leave the dogs home, or board them. I don't need to give the reasons why, but they must bring them. My mom gets very upset that she "needs" to keep her cat confined when they visit. The dogs have cats at home, are friendly with cats and have neve hurt one. They DO like to chase and play, as that is what they do with their own cats. The cat would deal, he's pretty chill. She CHOOSES to confine him. The dogs cannot be confined, as they are very social and would not only bark incessantly but ruin any door that was a barrier to their people. They are otherwise very well behaved.
Mom would throw a holy fit if her family did not come on a holiday, but is anxious and upset when the dogs are there. She does not understand why they need to bring the dogs. Again, there are several valid reasons for this
What do any of you suggest? I am verging on telling my brother and his family to just not come. They take time off from work, drive hundreds of miles, and put their own lives on hold to make the trip. It's just not worth it, as they are stressed the whole time from mom bitching and moaning.
Ridiculous how dogs have taken over in our society as the ones of Highest Importance & Priority! And to say that these dogs would 'ruin any door that was a barrier to their people' and then go on to say 'they are otherwise very well behaved' means these dogs are NOT well behaved at ALL. Period.
Before anyone strokes out over me saying this, I love dogs. I have a dog who I love & dogs before this dog that I loved, too. I just don't put my dog's life OVER my mother's life or my children's lives or my husband's life. They come first, THEN comes the dog.
"The dogs cannot be confined, as they are very social and would not only bark incessantly but ruin any door that was a barrier to their people. They are otherwise very well behaved."
Personally, I wouldn’t let it ruin Christmas.
My son is getting married next April, and I just spent Thanksgiving with a bunch of the in-laws who all want to know where they can stay that'll allow them to bring their dogs when they come down for the wedding (500 miles). I told them that's 100% on them to figure out. We're talking about six dogs that I know of. BIG dogs. Good luck finding an Air B&B that'll allow that. They thought they were going to bunk at my house (we have 34 people on that side of the family!!), and when I said that's not happening, they all started to panic.
At some point in the late 1980s/early 1990s people decided their children belonged anywhere adults went. Now that that seems to be an accepted practice, the dogs have become the new children. Sorry, but that's not OK. Mom would like to have a happy holiday season, and her house and her "child" (the cat) doesn't want to be chased or treated worse than the dogs. She has dementia for God's sake -- are they that tone-deaf?
This is in your brother's court -- come see Mom and leave the dogs at home, or stay home.
There are many pet friendly hotels, you just pay an extra fee.
The problem is you can't leave your dogs anywhere. We trained ours to stay in the truck but, hot weather changes that.
Lame apology from aggressive dog owner. Never again.
Many humans are manipulative and only care for someone if it benefits them, once that benefit is gone, so are they.
I'll give you a good example, our wonder dog a few years ago waited until mom came back home after going out (she was upset because she was dying) and passed surrounded by people who truly loved her. When mom passed a few years ago, a sister (who she had always been available to go with her to different things) and a cousin when notified of her passing, the cousin, sent a Thank You card, Thanking her for letting her know about the death, then off to her reunion, understandable, the sister who she was always there for, not a word. There I said it.
This is a non-productive circle. The primary mover gere is MOM HAS DEMENTIA.
She should no longer live alone. Her depression and anxiety should be treated. Celebrations could be held in her facility (AL or Memory care) and she woukd be able to retreat to her own space when she gets overwhelmed.
We had a very head strong, spoiled brat GSD that actually terrorized the dog sitters.
Whether we had them at our house or theirs, she would jump the fence, howl at the front door, eat anything and everything that they left anyplace but the fridge or cupboards. She would get in the pool, roll in the dirt and climb in their bed, just to name of few of the rotten behaviors that this well behaved dog would pull. So she got to go to the kennel when we needed to leave her. We did use a kennel that had 4'x16' kennels with half of that being climate controlled.
It was better then losing the rest of our friends because our dog abused them.
Well, I insisted that they bring their crates or not come. Their dogs weren't house broke and they would pee on my carpet and my dogs were/are big and they would want to mark over their dogs. Big difference when a 6# dogs pees vs. a 75# dog covers it.
It happened once and I put my foot down about free roaming, visiting K9s.
They were mad but, not nearly as mad as me about my carpet.
Maybe your family could bring crates to keep them contained so mom isn't so stressed out.
I have a service dog and I never let her off the leash when I am at someone else's home. I also never stay over, hotels only.
There are solutions available for this situation. Best of luck finding one that makes everyone less stressed.
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