I am a senior age 76 I sold my home a few years ago and moved in with my daughter. She recently found out I planned on leaving the money from my house to my son's kids ages 18 and 12 for help with their education. I am leaving nothing to her or her my son. My son is fine with this and says I should spend the money on myself while I can still enjoy it. My son works but does not make near the money my daughter does. My daughter has a daughter that is married and her and her husband have a good income as well. My daughter also has a 16 y/o son that she adopted and she gives them everything. He is in a private school. My daughter and her ex both makes 6 figure incomes. I am helping my son's 2 kids that have no help with their schooling. My daughter says I am playing favorites by leaving my son, her and her son & daughter out of my will. She got really angry and told me I was not wanted, and nobody cares about me nor do they want me around. She has asked me to leave and has not spoken to me in a month. She does not charge me rent, but I do everything. All the housekeeping, laundry, the pet care plus I buy the food and treats for the pets (3 cats and 2 dogs). I also buy all the cleaning supplies as well as groceries. I am moving soon to live on my own. I have stage 4 lung cancer and other health issues. I am in shock that she could be so cruel and hurtful. I simply cannot forgive this. I did not see this coming. Any suggestions as to what I should do?
I think there is more to the story than meets the eye.
Sounds like the daughter doesn't need the money and the son is okay with
the will. She wants to leave the money with who need it most. The grandkids who don't have a rich parent. The son is even saying keep the money for yourself.
Sure the daughter provided a home. She also got a free housekeeper out of it.
I think maybe we should give manyloveslost a bit of slack. Just my opinion.
And you should go live with your son. You created an untenable situation with your daughter for yourself. I hope it was worth it.
We both got our AS degrees but in the end, I paid my way slowly to get my MS. Now that I am retired from a rich career in a dream job, I did not set up my will favoring male or female, richer or poorer, it will be divided equally between the boy and girl. Since they already received equal inheritance from another relative, the rich one purchased a vacation home. All the rent goes towards the college education in the future. The other reinvested for funds to work in a different way.
2. Then the daughter says "you are not wanted, loved nor wants the elder around"? (Is this a loving daughter who got her feelings hurt or hoping for a good inheritance?)
3. No where does it say how the daughter found out about the will. Did brother tattle, daughter go snooping or did the Elder really announce?
No one missed the part about the OP claiming to do all the housekeeping, laundry, pet care, and groceries. I think it's not getting mentioned because most of the people here just aren't buying it. Also, someonewoth Stage 4 lung cancer isn't going to be doing all this.
The OP states she moved in a few years ago.
OP you came here for advice but you came on the offensive, telling us how much you do around your daughter's house as though that somehow equals and erases what she has done for you. Instead of doubling down and accusing her of abuse you need to step back and realize that just because she has greater wealth does not mean she owed you any of it, and that your words and actions obviously hurt her deeply - I don't think there is any way forward until you acknowledge that.
Before anyone quick draws on me I have had my fair of sh!t childhood, absentee parents, sexual abuse, living in filth and knowing for a fact I was not important.
Please everyone remember there is always more to the story than what can be posted. Can u tell your whole life in a few words?
She has been there for you for years and you decide to cut her and her children out of your will and you tell her about it. I would say you are the abusive one here.
I would sue you for back rent if you didn't get out of my home.
It has nothing to do with the money. It has to do with not leaving them anything that shows you had kind regards for them, regardless of what their parents can give them.
Well said.
My mother said the same thing, she is leaving everything to my brother, nothing to me, not even a piece of jewelry because I have enough.
She also bought him a new car, she never bought me anything of any value.
That did it, I was done, haven't spoken to her for 12 years and never will again.
I did everything for my mother for over 50 years, my brother did little or nothing until I told her goodbye, now he is stuck with her.
Good for you for saying enough.
You don't want to what had happened when my grandparents had passed. Their five grown children got equal value except for one grown child. My grandparents gave her less because she loved to spend. That grown child took this matter to court, after court, after court. Probate took ten years, and by the time all the attorney fees were added up, plus estate tax penalties, there was hardly anything left is distribute. There was hard feelings among the siblings for a very long time, and among my cousins regarding this Aunt, etc.
Right now you are living rent free, have you checked what rents are today? They have exploded. You may find you will be going into that nest egg sooner than you thought.
You could have set up accounts for your grandsons outside of your estate. Then drawn up an equitable will, distributing whatever was left (even if it was pennies) after you took care of yourself. Or never mentioned your will.
Your maximized the drama. What did you think was going to happen?
Calling your daughter an “abuser” seems rather gratuitous.
I am with your daughter 100%. I would be beyond furious, too. There is simply no inoffensive way to tell one child she is going to get nothing, while everything goes to her sibling’s kids! Frankly, you’re lucky she didn’t put your belongings out on the sidewalk that very day!
All that said, I agree it’s your money to do with as you like. BUT—you were out of your mind to not (as CWillie notes) just keep your intentions top secret…and let your poor daughter find out after your funeral, when she had spent years housing you!
Oh, well. Maybe your favored son will take you in.
All of this might have been avoided if you had discussed this with them both before presenting a fait accompli.... BTW what did you hope to accomplish when you decided to inform them now rather than leaving them to discover it after your demise?