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Good morning, as most of you know I have gone NC from dysfunctional family with exception of visiting my mom once a month. My deceased son’s daughter is coming from FL to visit for a couple days. I only get to see her ONCE a year. I am torn whether to invite my mom to have her caregiver bring her for a quick visit (we have one window of time). Or whether to even tell mom she will be here. The last time Julia was here (4 years ago) the entire family harassed me about “taking” Julia to see Grandma but NO ONE offered to drive Grandma to my house to see Julia! We DON'T have time to drive to my mother’s and spend an afternoon sitting with her if we are going to have any quality time together (2 full days). Should I even tell my mom Julia is coming in town? Part of me feels guilty - Julia is my son’s only child and mom hasn’t seen her since he died.


Thanks y’all

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None of the family offered to bring grandmother last time, but did you ask them? This time say ‘we don’t have time for trip, would you help?’. If they won’t, you can tell everyone, including mother, exactly who refused, which should help to stop the harassment.
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How far away is Mom? How far into her Dementia is she? Will she know GD or even remember the visit? Can you combine a short visit with someplace else to go.

Two days is not really a long time. If u think Mom is not capable of enjoying the visit, don't go. Like said, let GD make the decision. If she says no, thats it. Don't tell Mom or anyone that she is coming. If they find out, just say she was only here 2 days and I wanted her to myself.
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I would leave this in the hands of Julia. If she has a strong relationship with her grandmother then she will likely want to see her. If she does not there is absolutely no reason on earth she should see her.
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I agree. Ask Julia how she would like to spend the time together. Make special memories with her your priority.

If you forge a better relationship with Julia you might be able to see her more than once a year.
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I strongly believe you should have Julia’s input before making a decision, it if Julia decides that she wish her grandmother to see her, I’d set up very specific guidelines with the caregiver regarding arrival and departure times.

You have no reason to feel guilty. Enjoy your visit!
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