It is the weekend. My usual time for doing things for my dad, plus another day of the week (and anytime in between if needed) but it is the weekend that causes the most triggers. As I type this, I'm feeling nervous, anxious and just an overall not feeling good (emotionally) because I'm in constant thought about how I was treated as a child and as an adult. As children we often put our feelings aside to help our parents no matter what. Why?
Of the three of us one daughter stepped up to the plate and does the lions share. Our growing up years were difficult. Our mother was emotionally disturbed and my father chose to pretend she wasn’t.
I don’t want to see my sister handling all this by herself. I travel back and forth to help for one month stints every other month.
I am in it to support my sister. I hate doing it and have a lot of anger and resentment towards my parents with their failure to have a plan. I’m just there for my sister.
I have one sibling who lives 350 miles away, and he has been estranged for closer to 20 years. He wants nothing to do with this. Initially, he would not even allow me to speak to him about matters related to mother, but now he will at least listen, and be sympathetic. But that’s all the help I get from him. My husband has been the most help. I only do this because at this point it feels cruel to walk away. I also helped her access some pretty complex medical care in a large city an hour from here. It would be cruel to walk away from her. Continued medical care.
I’m curious if you think you have possibly 20+ more years in you to care for her?
if you have the time and energy to help a loved one, even if they were mean to us as children, you can find a way to bridge the two souls and forgive and even get an acknowledgement of what was hard in the beginning. Try to forgive and see what happens. You don't need to sacrifice your health to help another, but in forgiveness we find true peace and blessings.
I rely on the bible to remind me of the qualities that a person of Jehovah God should have, I seem to constantly fail at being successful in this. The Apostle Paul wrote of his failure too. Anger and resentment flair up. Constant personal inventory and prayer to the only one that really matters.
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Remember, they can't think. An article finally said it. I understand this because I had a bleeding stroke and I could not think, but my brain would throw out stupid BS cause it's supposed to have answers. They can't relearn, memorize or account for history. That statement helps me a lot. Imagine, not being able to think, Still the anger is raw when she shows her old attitudes and excuses. I pray a lot and I read your comments. Everyone caregiving is doing a very difficult job. We are each responsible for ourselves. I have said my peace, and she forgets, and the kitty litter box needs to be changed. If we are caregiving an abuser with dementia we will probably not get any satisfaction from them now. They were incapable of thought for all these years now. Don't let them drag you down again. You don't have to be the kissy kid. Have a quiet place to be alone and talk it out; like to a tree. That will do as much as talking to them now only you won't feel bad for using some cuss words. Persevere for yourself and know that Jehovah knows. He knows where you are at and what you came from. This idea is not so far from you. Be well.
Faithfulbeauty: You have a life. You need to determine if you want to live this way for the next 20 years. Remember, they only get worse. Sicker, needier! Your life will be completely overrun by taking care of them. I suggest you evaluate your decisions and find your backbone, step aside and get your parents outside help and don't let them into your home whatever you do.