I love my mom, very much and we have a wonderful relationship. I don't want to lose that. My Grandma is very difficult and she makes it even more difficult to make good of a bad situation. I'm trying very hard to adjust to this new situation, but I hate having to give up my life to do this. I'm only 20 years old, and I want to be mature and handle this situation as calmly as possible. I know that if my mom could, she would be giving fulltime care, but my parent's just can't afford having only my Dad's income. And even though I know it's not anyone's fault, I can't help but feel resentful. My Grandma doesn't appreciate my staying with her. She doesn't like taking her medications, which she does have a lot of. She has this "invincibility" thing, where she feels that she needs no help. She has no driver's license, so she can't drive. She thinks that everyone is out to get her... which is hard for me to deal with, and she was diagnosed Bipolar. It's just so hard to want to help someone that doesn't want it and thinks they don't need it. I just wish she was able to make this easier for me to want to help her. Help???
I get the impression this is supposed to be 24/7 for you. Sorry, bad idea. Some hours, yes. Your life, no. Did I misunderstand? Do you go out to school or a job during the day? Do you have some evenings for a social life?
I think your mom and dad are in a tight spot. They really want grandma to be looked after, they can't do it themselves, and they can't think of other solutions. They mean well and I am not criticizing them. But I really think another solution is necessary.
I think your grandmother's situation should be evaluated by a medical social worker. If grandma needs 24/7 care, or even if she needs some assistance, Social Services will know what resources are available to help. You may be able to help with the paperwork, for example applying for Medicaid. And if Social Services determines that she does not need help at this time, and she does not want help, accept that.
Your grandmother is in her seventies, right? How long are you supposed to put your life on hold? Until your parents retire in 10 or 15 years? What is the long term plan here? Because Grandmother is not going to get better and suddenly need less help than she does now.
My heart goes out to you Allie, and to your parents, and to your grandmother. Please bring in an objective professional to help you sort out your options.
It is no one's fault that Grandma is physically and mentally ill and not a pleasant person. That is true. But all options should be explored for keeping her safe. Putting off starting your independence for years to do it yourself is not a good option, in my opinion, I don't know how you could avoid being resentful.
Another idea is to look for a support group for caregivers in your community. Try a local hospital, and see if they have one. Many do. There, you'll find people who can share their strategies for dealing with people, like your grandmother, who don't believe they need care.
I am sending good vibes to all of you, but specially to you and your Mom.