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After the high stress of worrying about my dad for many years; living with my elderly dad for over a month; moving him to an AL after LBD diagnosis, AL lockdown; his hospitalization; hospice care and death related to Covid... I have no energy. I do not want to do anything. I’m doing well to do laundry and prepare dinner. I spent a lot of mental energy on a virtual memorial service and another private gathering to be held next week. I am moving through my dad’s affairs slowly. I feel like I have been on an adrenaline fueled treadmill for a very long time. I know everyone experiences caregiving, end of life, death differently... but I am absolutely depleted. Your experiences and feedback.... always help me. I appreciate each of you so much.

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Sunny, i felt like I was moving through Jello for a long time after my mom died.

I felt forntunate that I had to go back to work 2 weeks after her death, but in truth, I was going through the motions, not really being all that productive.

With all the stress of COVID related stuff and your personal family drama, I can only imagine how drained you must feel.

Stay hydrated, sleep as much as you need to and grieve on your own schedule. (((((Hugs))))
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Guess this is your way of grieving. Maybe a touch of depression, which is totally normal in this situation. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. There is no right or wrong re grieving.

Try to push yourself a little but allow yourself some time to just take care of yourself and the things that need to be taken care of.

With time, you will feel better and get back to normal. Slowly but surely.
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Sfunny, I am so sorry for your loss.

May God grant you grieving mercies and strength during this difficult time.

It is amazing how strong our bodies are, your experience tells me that you have been under a tremendous amount of stress and you are now paying for that. Be kind and gentle with yourself, rest as needed and take care of you for a while.
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Oh, Sunny, my heart goes out to you. I feel almost like we are some sort of sisters. My experience was with my brother. He lived across the state from me. I had not seen him in several years because he had lived kind of in the middle of the desert. Then moved back to civilization, and things changed rapidly. There was a car accident and then the "incidental" finding (as the docs called it) of LBD. A move to ALF. I took over his Trust and POA at his request. As he was 85 and I 7 years younger, never having done such a thing, it was a year of scrambling, learning. And when the ducks seems all lined up he got cellulitis, died within 10 days, with me not there, but with wonderful hospice folks. So now there is the stuff for end of life to clear up. So I kind of would rocket to stress and anxiety/post traumatic paralysis. So many thoughts and feelings bombarding in at the same time. An awful feeling of that person there for me 78 years now gone. An odd relief he didn't have to go further into a diagnosis he so feared having to face down. Just so many things. And with Covid now a companion on our journey of grief, right? It is almost as though I could have written your post. I don't know what you will do, but things will help. Slowly things will get done; take your time. For me I write my bro letters which he and I exchanged when not in the same city for years, I decorate them with collage. I allow myself the occasional collapse. I try to celebrate all he was, all we had. And I try to be EASY on myself. I so know the adrenaline feed that stops dead. The anxious times. The grief. I wish you so much luck on this healing journey. Know that you are not alone.
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Yes... I feel like I am walking through Jello... you described it perfectly. Thank you, Barb. Now I can label how I feel. Also... hydration is huge. It is easily overlooked.
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Yes.... I feel we must be twins. Thank you. Your words helped me clarify my own thoughts.
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Thank you. I think you are on the mark. Yes... our bodies are amazing. Thank you so much.
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Thank you for the feedback. Your words are wise. I think
there is a free floating anxiety/depression surfacing.
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Dear "Sunnydayze,"

Please accept my condolences in the loss of your father two weeks ago. I know and understand what a difficult time this is for you.

Everything you are experiencing is absolutely "normal." Please realize that your body has been basically running on adrenaline to keep up with everything at all times while your dad was alive. Now, you are not only experiencing the grief but, also the "coming down" affect from being on high alert so to speak. Think of it like the saying "what goes up must come down." It doesn't even have to happen in death but in the ups and downs of the actual caregiving situation. I'm experiencing it today as a matter of fact after just having had a reprieve with my mom for a couple of months and having to get back on that "adrenaline fueled treadmill" as you called it since last Friday. I barely was able to make lunch for my husband and I.

So don't be too alarmed at the fact that you are just able to do the bare minimum or bare necessities. Try not to feel rushed with taking care of your dad's affairs. If you need to, just make a list of what needs to be done in priority order and start chipping away at it one by one.

Believe me I understand the high stress of "worrying" about our loved ones. I've been looking after my mom for 16 years now since my dad died in 2004 when I was 41. I'm almost 58 now and I get tired much more quickly and stay tired for a lot longer.

The best thing is not to be so hard on yourself and think you need to be or feel a certain way. We will all experience all of the events you mentioned above differently. Some of us cope better than others and are able to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and others of us may feel more like we're just floundering. You may also be having bouts of depression which would show up in the symptoms you described. If you feel you would benefit from grief counseling, maybe you can look into that. You can find all kinds of things to read about the grieving process just on the internet alone if you didn't want to talk with someone.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers - that God would give you rest and peace in your heart as you grieve and try to carry on with life that keeps moving while you feel like you're standing still.
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Sunny, if you ever want an interesting book it is Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking. So many thoughts in it. For her it was the death of her husband. Shortly after she wrote Blue Nights about the death of her daughter. As she said, she writes to know what she thinks, how she feels. I had read Magical Thinking once, but it meant so much more when I understood grieving more.
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Thank you so much. I liked your point about age is important. I’m 54... and think I am 44... the energy is not the same...thankfully, our youngest son is a high school senior. Your words and prayers are appreciated. I have the contact information for a grief counselor that counsels over the phone. I will reach out to her.
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I am so sorry for your loss of your father. I feel sad for you as I am reading your thread. What you are experiencing is normal grief, being tired with no energy is a symptom of losing a loved one so dear and all the stress from worrying all those years. I understand completely but you will eventually start to feel better. Remember all the wonderful memories you hold dear in your heart. I lost my father to CHF and diabetes, it was so stressful, but how I got through everything was knowing he was finally at peace, and as far as I know he did not suffer too much, he was a strong man and did not complain about health issues much.. I was with him when he passed, held his hand all night and next day he died. One day at a time, I am a believer in the Lord so prayer helped me through those difficult and stressful times. Rest is extremely important, eating and drinking as well. I took a leave of absence from my job for about 6 months for mom and me, and then after that my mom needed me so I gave my notice. She was much healthier than she is now, somewhat declining as the years go on. Energy will come back, but it will take time. l look back to those days and get strength and hope knowing I will see my dad again in a better world. This is my belief and I hang on to that in my heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. Please take care of yourself, if it gets too much for you ,seek a good grief councilor. Reach out to family and remember to take one day at a time. Hugs.
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Thank you... my dad had CHF and diabetes, too. He was a very sick man. I believe he is now well and thriving with the Lord. That is truly comforting. The school where I teach decided to close for the fall semester. From a physical and emotional health standpoint... it is a blessing for me.
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Wow, I could have written that. My father passed from Covid that he caught in rehab. He was 93. I'm 53 and an only child. I'm ok while at work but as soon as I got home I felt like falling asleep. Iron pills have helped me a lot. I assume it was the stress of just having to do everything. And seeing so much more that I had to do. It gets better.
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