Hellebore7 Posted May 2023
Interesting article about Gen X resentments
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Recently ran across an article about a counselor who says resentment issues are common among people born between abt 1965 and 1980, aka Gen X.
I really needed to read this today! Turns out I'm not alone. Anyone else experiencing resentment b/c our parent did whatever they wanted and now want us to drop everything for their care? (In my own case, not only did Mom not care for her own parents, she left my father after his diagnosis with a serious illness and dumped his care on me, an only child. Yes I need counseling, desperately)
https://www.buzzfeed.com/meganeliscomb/gen-x-resentment-tiktok
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We raised ourselves. And it was a disaster. Dad worked his butt off and wasn't home, and she didn't take care of us at all.
I took care of her husband (my Daddy) through his illness and death. I considered that an honour, my Dad was awesome.
She did not do any caring for her mother, either. She was put in a home, but now she expects to be kept at home, no matter the cost to anyone else.
And now she conveniently forgets everything I have done or her over the last bunch of years. smh
Two of my brothers raised their children solo. Their moms weren’t partying. They had joint custody but they chose to live with their dad for various reasons. They did see their moms often.
I don’t think custody should automatically go to the mom. It should go to the most capable parent.
Best thing she ever did was give him custody after a few years, because we got in the way of her partying.
The only parts of parenting she was good at were the fun parts, like prom dress shopping.
The taking care of me all night when I threw up after wisdom teeth surgery? Dad. Handling my struggles in school and anxiety? Dad. Providing stable l, clean home with meals… Dad.
And now after a 10 year mutual estrangement, she shows up at my door needing all sorts of help. I’m helping her now but I’ll never move her in or become her 24 hour care. Never.
People should decide for themselves what is best. Our parents have lived their lives and may or may not have cared for their parents.
Live your life for yourself regardless of what your parents expect from you.
Even the Walton’s used to leave grandma and grandpa home in their rocking chairs and went out without them . My father in law expects us to take him everywhere with us including vacation with his walker , wheelchair etc . ,
I just want to be genuine me, with my own interests, goals and control of my time. I’m not interested in giving up everything in order to enable someone else to live their false reality and I resent anyone telling me I should feel otherwise.
I worked, sometimes f/t sometimes p/t. My girls don't seemed to have suffered. But then when work was done, they became a priority. I think that this article is a minority. You need to research a large number of people to see what the % would be.
...and if you then add on it being an abusive, toxic parent(s), then you've really hit the "jackpot!"
To be honest, we have to know the limitations of our parents. They are/were humans either more or less flawed and we survived them thriving either more or less because of them. But we need to move on. Because those parents of ours? They grew up with a REALLY traumatized generation often enough: One that had been through the war (as much as Americans who never SAW war on their own shores ever did).
The current generation, whatever it is called, is feeling lonely and suicidal, despite being the recipients of the passing down of more generational wealth than almost any American generation. Despite parents who heliocopter within their lives trying to make sure everyone gets a trophy. Despite parents who have knocked themselves out trying to make up for every deficit they feel they suffered from their own uncaring parents. Still, they are expressing extreme trauma and unhappiness.
I just think that every generation has it's problems. We are humans. And as a species we are enormously flawed as well as enormously gifted. I think there's just all too much time ruminating on the couch. Often years.
l was just answering an OP whose mom has mental illness. Her Mom is only 64. Yet she has some therapist encouraging her after 2 years that she has never mourned the loss of her mom. Ummmmm. But Mom is very much alive. WAY alive and enmeshed in her with a circular spiral going nowhere.
So much today just is psychobabble to me.
We all have problems in our lives to one degree or another, and have, in fact, with any given decade different problems in our own lives. My problems as a divorced Mom with two kids was a lot different than my problems with my aging body today.
We can resent, or we can do our best and move forward trying to have as much joy and contentment as we can get as a living breathing human being beset with problems.
To me, if we have HEALTH we have EVERYTHING. We can take care of the rest of it somehow if we are thriving mentally and physically. Let illness sit itself down on the doorstep and we will see how fast the other problems make a move to the back porch.
Interestingly, in my family the person who most often said "We take care of our own" never hands-on took care of anyone herself. She likes to say that she took care of them, but she kept working at her wonderful job, kept going on trips with her boyfriend, and dropped by her parents' often after work to say hi. Fifteen minutes and she's gone. She did write checks for full-time care for them from their funds. But in no way did she have to make any sacrifice of her own life for them. It doesn't compare to what the rest of her family has done for their LOs.
My brother is a great example. He had everything going for him but when he married a wealthy woman he "had it all" but lost his own power. Something bad happens to him, he runs to his wife for comfort in various forms. This has caused him to lose his self-reliance. He no longer has any just power. Instead he wields unjust power and then faces the just consequences. He doesn't even see it! I do, clearly.
So the GenerationX'ers or whatever who feel resentment need to understand they have the power; just use it . Then they'll see just how free they really are.